I wonder if you think of me
The way I'm thinking of you right now
Staring at pictures of you and me
Smiling
At the camera
Or at each other
The way your eyes would lock on mine
And tell me
Without ever saying anything
I love you

I wonder if you look back
On old forgotten messages on your phone
Or if you deleted them
Just right after
You deleted me
From your heart
You would've found the first time
I confessed and said
You're special to me
And you replied with
I love you

I wonder if you still remember
The sound of my voice
Because I still remember yours
And I hear it every night
As clearly as if
You were still right beside me
Holding me tight
On nights when I had trouble sleeping
Whispering in my ear
I love you
And only you

Only you
Meant
Only you were wrong
Because you didn't
Love
Only me

Only now
I wonder if you ever loved
Only me

In this waiting room
My legs are shaking
My thoughts are spinning around
Waiting for my name to be called
For the solution to start
Standing outside the door
I take a deep breath
Knock knock
"Come in"
Voice inside answers
"What brought you here today?"
I've been practising this line for weeks but my voice still sounds shaken
"I need help, don't know what else to do"
I say, as I roll up my sleeves
A quick look and the expected question
"What lead you to that?"
I take a few moments to get myself together
I know this question was going to come
I try to explain what I don't understand myself
Tears roll down my eyes
I try to speak
My throat is sore
I can barely breath
He writes away on his computer
Occasionally looking at me
I wonder what he is typing?
What he is thinking?
I look at my fresh lines on my wrists
A crimson red that I learn to love and hate
"I'll give you some happy pills, it will make you feel a lot better"
I look at the bottle filled with little pills
That suppose to make me feel better
After three days
All the sadness
The despair
The anger is gone
But so is all the emotions
I feel like a zombie
I feel numb
I feel dead inside