A large stone sits in front of my brain. I can't move it, no matter what I try. A Granite bolder blocks out the words. I only feel a pounding pain, nothing else can be heard. I chip away at the corners of the stone, trying to squeeze out a few lines, but nothing will come. Some may think it is funny, but surely I do not. It always frustrates me when I get this writers block.

1 pill
2 pills
3 pills
4 pills
How many more till I can't feel?
Maybe 5?
Possibly 10?
Who knows..
1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4 cuts
How long till I drift away?
After 5 cuts?
Maybe 6?
Probably 10
but who knows?
Who knows the pain?
Who knows the self hatred?
Who knows what it feels like to want to die?
I know, but why haven't I let go?
I can't let go of my hopes, my dreams, my family.
I can't leave them behind to deal with the pain..
I can't let them feel the way I do.
I've tried getting help, the pills don't work.
Hours of therapy and where am I?
I'm still stuck here..
Drowning in my sorrows
Feeling sorry for myself..
How long till I get better?
Who knows..

You go to college
Then more school after that

You turn 30
And there is only part time employment

Wow, isn't this great
I can barely pay my bills

Maybe I'll have a small apartment of my own
One of these decades
Haha

I'm just sayin'
I'm not complaining
Happy to have food
And a roof over my head

I don't trust no one
Including myself
I figured a little too late
How societies operate
I can't speak with strangers
Never know could be danger
Watching my back
For backstabbers
My back hurts everyday
My bones crack everyday
My neck is pain to the brain
My body posture is broken

Although my physical is weak
My spirit maintains strong

Life is not all rainbows and butterflies.
Just ask the ones that lie inside,
Lifeless and dull.
Fluttering their wings inside my skull,
Torturing me until I have died.
Life is not all rainbows and butterflies.