Life; a story you're writing, conscious of the fact or not
We can choose abuse being snake bitten and rot
raising tense stresses into a self-induced blood clot.
Yet I won't relinquish one single red drop, to a moment I don't give consent to
Faith bled through having left school for not wanting to have to wear that bruise
Rent's due, hop out of the pool put on your shoes and proceed with the program
even if black and blue
I can squeeze in a nap first though, yeah? Coo'

Z speaks heat keeping me from lucid, leading me to secretly seek guidance from the druids.
They said I need to travel to a mindspace less polluted.
Dance with your soul outside the confines of institutions.
Stop with the concept of timeframes, and shooting blame at the moon
It is you, and has your back at high noon with a bird's eye view
Respect it's ability to shine true, seemingly alone in the dark.  
The evidence grew, pulsating passion pushing you past the place you first found your spark
This is your territory, now is time to chart.

It's all a game, and you write the screenplay ruled even by the thoughts you don't say
Feeding energy into the flame that has lead us unto elevated states.
The ground shakes and high richter reading earthquakes break your world apart
Rocks into sand into dust into nothing, to realize the only truths were not in your brain,
but rather your heart

With every reflex bursting from nerve-endings, there's satisfying new start.
Inside infinity within forever your being is slowly seeing its' mark.
Release the resentment and anger that lays wait in your brow
For existence flows in whatever reflection you allow
Right here you have the choice to either fly or drown
So believe that all that ever matters, is **now

At a crossroads with life.
Existential questions arise & keep me up at night.
Been up since 5, rode the same amount of miles home.
Circuitry surfacing riddles embedded in my bones.
About to go to school simply to see faces,
before we move on and head to different places
Still tryna figure out, how to right all the wrongs
Gonna keep writing, I'll try not to be gone long
Any move, stings, with connections so strong.
Giving myself time, but lemme leave you with this song;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD7_kEe8TV0

dkkfrkbvgjccg jj rrrrrrrroouvj 55555555555555555wi3u4ywnf

Let my fingers dance around the keyboard because my brain can't currently interpret what's on my mind thoroughly through symbols that can properly paint the situation. Trying to comprehend through colors, when no two see the same. But that's the beauty of this movie isn't it? It takes two to tango, and with a misstep, typically the worst outcome is you get tangled. I like solo jivin', as I groove to the sounds. But right now I don't wanna dance. Gonna feel free as I lay face down.

May lucidity shake us; feel and wear it like a bruise.
I feel every bit of blessed wear and tear, on the path to the truth.

Deflate me, break me, rearrange and stake me.  Throw me between the earth's plates and let the quake take me.  Shake me, drag a rake across my face.  Anything to get feeling, blast me into space.

Hang me by interpretations before claiming forgetful.  Squint through your scope attempting to hit soul, but blinded are we giving in to our egos.  It's your fault it's my fault, taunts haunt the physical shell.  I'm acquainted with heaven and still take part in hell.  Attitudes beyond words can cast malicious spells.  Is it coming from a singular source, it's really ******* hard to tell.  I don't even know who to talk to when I'm not feeling well.  Set up traps for self and swiftly fell.  Here I am again, cross-legged at the bottom.  Want nothing more than to transcend and blossom.  Maybe I'll be found as nothing more than a fossil.  No biological functions or need for a role model.  Into the infinite where all things are possible.  It is my intention to let go and heal through astral projection.  Strange how things can seem so hollow in this 3rd dimension.  I want to see past holograms and move forward beyond fear.  Body still warm into the night I disappear.

It feels like all I'm gonna be for Halloween is depressed.  No need for a purchase which at this point is certain debt.  I wanna show my insides, peer past the pigments of flesh.  Is everything coming together or apart, my head is a mess.  Ego got me thinking certain ways as if possessed.  When I only wanna speak from the ***** in my chest.  A costume that shows what you are on the inside, dead.  Dry bones resting on a cobwebbed throne, with crown upside down pressed into my dome.  King of nothing other than this holy temple with holes poked through the face with the sharpest of pencils.  I offer payment for my strangeness in the form of two words, let go.  Took my first breath on the day of the dead, coincidence?  Oh no.  Look through eye holes to the back of my skull.  Pushed as far as I thought I could go, only to know I needed to pull.  Cup was full of luke warm contents.  Why do conversations morph into a blind rage contest?  I jumped into the depths and tried to befriend the loch Ness.  It was conditioned to it's living and saw me as more stress.  I just thought I needed someone with whom I could decompress.  Lesson learned I swam away shouting "blessed!" with no regrets I sat in the cemetery among the lifeless. Only to remind us all about being timeless. 
Take a breath.

We must steam-clean the rugs that we pray on in our dreams
Lest we forget to address the inaudible screams
Tar pit vocals get you stuck on words said
Yet My essence is stronger than my coffee and cigarette breath.
I walk a thin line between wanting to call upon spirit guides, and not wanting to waste their time.
Who is speaking, me or some form of you glued to my mind?
I feel undefined in a world so categorized
Still trying to heal my blindness to the light that shines
Stretch through confines and decompress the spine
I make my way from the grave after ridding stressful expressions through rhyme
Again falling in lines with life
Say goodbye to the plight, and keep the dreams in sight - peace/goodnight

Silence...a moment with self, because from no other can the answers be dealt.  It's nice to get help, but within you is informational untapped wealth.  Can't keep riding down this avenue, for, with what I believe in, in the long run it'd be untrue.  Excuses are for those who refuse to cope.  A life led in that direction without reflection will only stumble to crash from a downhill *****.  Simply existing is genuinely resisting the life that could be.  Slave to the system, and slave to your mind, are you ever going to be free?

Is anybody listening, or rather glistening from contentment?  In a future time don't look back upset with where the years went.  Be true and think through how it is you want the currency spent.  Some people keep kicking in the wrong direction never really ever leaving a dent.  Is this just to vent, or to better human nature?  Chances are, by tomorrow, it won't even be remembered - reminding me again the time is now to savor -  get going creator, show the world your flavors.

Love is the river that we're all emerged in.
We must embrace it for what it's worth if we ever hope to win.*

Going against the tide causes a lot of frustration
While standing still only furthers contemplation.
Whatever your muse, only you choose to do what you do,
and as your eyes gaze upon that big beautiful blue
you must ask yourself what's best for you.
For in this time when we are carried by the grandest emotion,
you see that the river expands, into an ever-growing ocean.

A dreamer,
hatch a new egg idea everyday conceiver.
A beautiful life believer, golden smile retriever.
Pessimist or optimist, I am neither.
Just a capturing the love in a jar sealer.
Find a girl that amplifies your world and reel her.
Never a heart stealer, but reciprocate and meal her.
Feel her emotions and with the compromise cards deal her.
Persist with actions that won't deceive her, relieve her, and become a modern day healer.


Embrace the day friends, much love.

Your soul's own value
Is beyond what you can dream
We are infinite.

Don't limit to words
Do what you thought you couldn't
Every step made counts.

My purpose is grand
Not to say that yours is not
Let's stand together

Insecurities
Blind us to what is
You're beautiful how you are

Ideologies
They can hurt and deceive us
See life, for yourself.

Solo drunken dances on a rickety Milwaukee balcony in the rain.
Leavin' a shred of me wherever I go to create a stain of change.

Strangely sane, in a couple of ways, trying to make every day brighter
Strained grace, shown by my plate, made before the flick of my lighter

Reminded constantly of inevitable shell shedding, so I'm letting my worry go
I'll be okay in the new terrain, paint on my soul a new globe.

Within a state of exploration, we demonstrate the need to go above and beyond
We follow water droplets before we stumble upon the pond.

Here, between the ripples we previously thought we couldn't calm
You see your highest self more clearly than ever before, inside your eyes all along

I watched from a distance as you leapt into it's depths
I wanted to join the soul-lercoaster, but our time hasn't come yet

Still the smile is always there.  Watching each other grow, I don't know what can compare!  It almost isn't fair how rare these moments are, but I choose to be present because everything is a star.  While stumbling upon gems, others go unnoticed.  To me it would seem they're meant to be for another being's focus.

Always one to blow in the wind, eventually, maybe I'll later take root
Inking all over pages carefully composed into a wondrous tale of a book~

I think I'm going to leave the ending, open-ended, such is life.
Let the possibilities flow through, and maybe encourage a few to write.

Tired, but more than enough energy to soar over any plight
I just daydream so much that it's difficult to sleep at night.

But here's a cheers, to you and your existence

May whatever you endure make you feel more replenished
Watching the obstacles behind us, fade away until diminished.
I'm here for you,
Take my hand,
We're not quite finished~

Refreshed, I exist in this mindstate
With a new zest for a blank page
After walking out of hell's gate -
Never looking back
The vision that was fading to black
Quickly became engulfed by flames
Realizing my disposition to get on track
The angels whispered to me through music,
Again putting meaning behind the name.
Kept my fire indoors strumming guitar chords knowing someday soon it will rain.
The darkness and breaking through the shell is any plant's only chance of gain
Sifting through dirt and various sediment let's the entity rise up above the pain.
Seeing the light for the first time still vibrating with a single thought that only growth and connection is ingrained.

What borders your windowpanes were once trees
Releasing oxygen for us to breathe
They ask only for carbon dioxide when we exhale to feed
So enrich your red blood cells and release the chemical compound we don't even need

There is balance, within give and take
Work and break, earth and quake
Low pressure and high stakes
The cloudy skies and the shifty snakes
Accelerated pace and a soft pressure on the breaks
For we are all being guided.
With the wind We are reminded,
To see fullness and not let ourselves be mindless
The space within our atoms tells me we are timeless
Free from the measurements that could adequately define this.

You will find bliss
The flame is only your passion
I see dry leaves blowing down the street and I call it fall fashion
Mirrors inside every being around me
Taught me to see that only within was I clashin'
Now is the time to take this mental paint and create something everlasting

Sitting in class vibin' with mates watching time pass
Nourishing connections because lifetimes fly by too fast

"Tell me about yourself.."

I am a boy in a man's body that approaches music with the will to grow and know enough to take hold of this world and shake it up a bit.
Never detrimental to the globe, because I'm in love with it.   Face facts with tact, splash onto new horizons even if it knocks me on my back.  Latch on to the moment, direct divine intention and let creativity explode in a blast on the right track.  Shining a light into the black and admiring peoples' masks, but never distracted.  What happens is what's meant to be even if we had overreacted.  Focus on what you have, instead of that you lack.  Collect our energies together, mash and exponentially grow.  Sometimes it'll seem like you're a turtle on the road, because the progress process is so slow.  Let go of the mold and stroll with the will to blow along in the breeze never knowing retreat because the feat is huge, but with focus we'll make it.  Take your preconceived perception and break it.  You gotta be happy, because doing what you love is the ultimate payment.  

Too many expressions are vacant, but heads full.
Escape from comfort zones that inadvertently take a toll
You are,
and have
all you need.
That person in the mirror is worth getting to know.
Water the self, and emerge from the seed to grow

Living the high life past the pabst's apprehension,
with electrons in suspension,
feeding us life force without a need of thank yous or special mentions.  
We'd go blind without introspection.  
Put the guards on time out after they put a taller fence in,
where they roam in the catacombs of low vibrations.  
Only to open a new chapter and start slowly growing with sensation.  
I'm fed up with phone calls consisting of mechanized automation,
for we need light to have circulating ideas procreating.  
Fascinated by the patients in the waiting room.  
Who are told they need scripts to avoid a gloomy doom.  
Only negativity leads you to a lifeless tomb.  
But thankfully we can sweep ourselves off our feet with our inner god's holy broom, bringing about the realization that our petals have yet to fully bloom.  
Eye need you,
to understand these truths.  
I'll still smile knowing I have more than one chipped tooth.  
Let go and let loose,
live in this instance with bliss any way you choose.  
Climb these cliffs or go for a cruise,
and recognize all that passion that lies underneath your bruise.  
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.  
Ignite your soul and ride the waves on this cosmic plane.  
We are strange, one in the same.  
The beach couldn't be, without your beautiful grain.  
See it through the microscope, each it's own individual shell.  
It all becomes mundane when you don't listen to the stories they tell.  
Open your heart,  in order to find yourself.  
Happiness is a kind thought away, to maintain your metaphysical health.  
Much love

I can read all the inspirational quotes &
Listen to all my teacher told me.
I can sing all the words &
Take the vitamins my company sold me.

Racking up possessions
like heavy-duty weapons to armor me.
A rotten inside,
Reflecting out is far from charming.
Yet the outside factors poison,
I know, but lose focus.
Even though I oppose,
We live in a world that chose this.

It's like I have a frozen grip,
Allowing me to slip,
But not take a step.
Never advancing,
Yet still creeping towards death.
Maybe it's time to shut down,
And listen to the breaths.
Live the life you imagine, but don't forget all the rest.

The bumble went numb
To the jumbled rumble of the drum
Soaked in *** with no soul in the strum
Planet turned to crumbs among the willfully dumb,
Who believed that transcending plateaus of  followers ******* the rule of thumb

The humble *** was labeled ****.
Yet he knew inside his heart was home, which is something we could learn from.
Embracing his gentle internal hum
Fear was something to which he would not succumb

Ultimately he shifted energies of countless who never knew his name
Here he is still smiling beyond the grave, wishing well to all, on every unfolding plane.
Conditioned Systems train to judge what's sane,
But he was aware that heart resonates higher than the brain.
Glass with no stain saintly praises humanity
& Through this kindness we've changed,
Blessed is thee who believes in this lucid dream
Forever writing down lifetimes on a page.
Stay gracious and I promise love will remain
Now may the garden of your heart feel the sun and the rain

*Thank you~

Tired eyes and chapped lips
Alone time, used for more practice
The secret of life is one filled with good habits
Indulging myself, for eye am a hopeful music addict

Within a sea of symphonies, lies you and me
Connecting souls, rewiring circuitry
Floating together, still miles apart
Every single moment's a good chance to restart.
So act with your heart, cuz time's flying
Ya either get busy livin',
or get busy defying your true purpose
I'm here to help your inner self come to the surface~

Symptoms from this mechanism grind time, low on drive
One wonders if the operator remembers how to feel alive
Dissect my mighty molecules or drop me from the sky
Ill be forced to attempt to reconnect otherwise have to learn how to fly

I almost want to cry
Feeling so alone with a trying mind
Wondering why my dad had to die
The lack of never having that almost breaks through my shell to the inside.
But Maybe I need to fall apart
Break the rib cage away to expose an already pained and vulnerable heart
There comes a time when we all must depart
Some shattered den with frayed wire ends beg to see a new start
Smile sank below the surface and slowly fades into the dark
Barely breathing treading water waiting for a shark.

Will these teeth be my friend or help me to meet a salty sea end? 
Now conjuring up questions like, If we indeed are eternal, what is there then to defend?
It's almost crushing knowing there is an inner guidance.
I want what I never had, signed up for life before reading the fine print.
Emotional glimpse, seeing your face behind my closed-eye timelessness.
I bare witness, but can anyone else see you beyond the physical finish?
I'm trying so hard to listen.  
Self-defeating prophecies take away all that has been given.
Cynical shoulder demon got me too scared to make decisions
Downwind tailspins find me coming after the fool in the mirror with a head on collision.  
I guess stress showed up to the test
I have to reassess my vision, and take pride in my mission.
It's my purpose to serve words to the unheard before we bleed with further division.
Just then a tear started to glisten, fishing incessantly for my soul.
A drop full of reflection makes me wanna lay on the floor and relinquish all control.  I tend not to let my emotions of what my ego perceives as weakness take hold.  But if it never rains how the funk will I ever grow?  This changing stranger had high vibes in the sunshine but now I feel so deeply low.  

Buried below the cold snow meat coat is a shine that's been trying to show.  
Will the world ever see it's light? 
Another beautiful, heartbreaking mystery, I speak to mirror man again stating simply, "who knows."
When just then in my head,
"It'll be alright."

I miss you*, but, it's okay.
I have a heart that beats and a guitar to play.
Armed with ink, to write out the blues.
I live by the pen, and will die by it too.

**...ly....****.
the way people follow rules you'd think they were written in sanskrit.
dis...re...spect
i think it goes hand in hand with lack of intellect.
huge...e...go
why people carry themselves the way the do i may never know/
va....ca...tion
i just want to get away and have a little fun
head....ache....dayze
without proper treatment the pain always stays
free...to...live
we need to get out and take this life for all we have to give.
not...much...time
gonna try and relax now that i'll close out this rhyme.

I dated a ghost once, and after ghosting me for months she wound up getting really possessive.  I could see right through her and felt her intentions were oppressive.  Definitely a freak in the sheet and would promptly wake me from my sleep in the morning at three.  Sometimes raging she would throw so many things and blame it on me.  Not often responsive, she'd let me know where she was through a series of banging. Felt like I'd be talking to myself and going all types of crazy.  She once entered my dream and tried getting violent with me because I was with another lady.  That's when I knew it was time for saging.  Had to have an ancestor guide my pen In the breakup letter because my hands were shaky.   In this moment,finally, from that relationship I'm free.  Next time, maybe a dating site, and not the ******* Ouija.

..and then the sky went black.  Hordes run from the downpour thinkin' mother nature's on the attack.  She's got your back, time to fend for hers.  You can choose the claws or the tune of the cat purr~

8 years.  No collective cheers or beers shared.  Together enduring the same weather I can only wonder how we'd've faired.  I think we woulda been a strong team, the likes of which could not be compared.  All a fantasy, the reality is you're still a part of me.  Can't say I think about you constantly, but more in the last 8 than the previous 18.  One quick passing dream, imagining a table sitting you and me, first time seeing you in 23.  We so often speak rest in peace, but I hope you currently think less of what could be than me.  Sometiiiiiimes I think you are around.  Little things in my life that ring so profound.  But I wanna hear the sound of words to me through your essence.  I ask today for you to give me a sign of your presence.  Help me become aware of my lessons.  Still learning to ease myself when within there is tension.  I miss you and the relationship we almost had.  I send my love, rise in peace dad.

I still remember 8 years past.  Friends scooped me up in a parents SUV and we smoked hash in the back.  A silent memorial cuz words were hard to grasp.  But here I am still trying to improve not losing self, only the mask.  Thank you for keeping me on track. One day may we collaborate and spend time to love and laugh.  One love~

Hey world, I think I'm losing my mind.  Ill thoughts take me for violent rides.  It's cool, I know it doesn't make sense.  Depressed?  I thought so, but I have known to be wrong.  Same song different chords.  Found out this morning mikey died a day after an intervention.  Pretty sure Bobby's funeral was a year ago.  I'm a mason jar, not sure what I'm holding.  Drop me on the floor.  At work trying to keep myself together, feel stupid for sharing.  Pressed d.
My words/poetry that typically seem oh so uplifting are for me for you, so I don't pretend to be some sort of guru - I'm so far from perfect it sometimes disgusts me.
God, I'm blessed to be so ******* ugly
#firstworldCarbonproblems

In the vastness of the universe we choose to argue over invisible lines on Earth and who crossed them first.  Forcing beliefs, attempting to separate our dreams.  I'd like to believe that we are all treated equally, but I trust what I see.  Metaphorical and literal walls raised, don't allow the openness to accept ourselves, granting acceptance to others.  We share our hearts by caring, and helping others in times of need.  Yet we tend to get too focused on what's perceived best for me, me, me.
Refugee looks like a human to me.  Together respectful as one, I turns to we, as our inner eye starts to see.

Please remain present on the set til we abandon ship
spellbound, all characters were within the phantom's grip
the situation flipped - once eye decided on rewriting the script
For the stories of our lives will exist beyond all crypts
And ill be ****** if I dont have a hand in writing it
From sickness to bliss, and other magical shifts
Eye look back with bewilderment -
this life is the wildest gift

I see things everyday to potentially get me ******, I want to change it but what hurts the most is rarely do I really feel missed.  Bliss gets whisked away, and though I try to get by my mind goes into disarray.  I want to go out and play, have some fun outside of this hole, but not much is ever really under my control. I binge and cringe at how my past actions could've left me.   Girls and friends came and went, and there were times I felt like a deadbeat.  From what I wasn't told, 22 really is old. But I feel so much older. Words are actions too, and they can crush you like a boulder. I'm almost always cold and want something to warm my soul before this world chips too much at my head for it to take it's toll.  I always want to know but I get ever more aware how much the truth really hurts.  I guess it's best to take it when it comes in little spurts so you can at least prepare yourself for the road up ahead.  Maybe it's miniscule, to you, things that were said.  For me it was more than trivial, and boom, another scar to my head.  I don't wanna give you the wrong idea but so much of our everyday is left unclear and what's worse than feeling of fear is the probability of the actions behind it.  In life I have learned the hard way though that whatever happens, there'll be a day I won't mind it.

I live for a day when we don't work our lives away.  When families and friendships are maintained. (Through the Care-acters they are composed of) When it comes easily to invite the good vibes to stay.  Binge thinking again.  Just remember your time is the most valuable currency you can spend.
Memento Mori "remember that you have to die"
Time to celebrate life.
Don't leave before you arrive.
Wish you would once stop by
To at least say hi
We could ponder a boatload of whys.
But right now go fly, make it to your desired ends.  Am I alright?  I sure can pretend.
Yet the mirror has two ears to lend.
We are but energy, lest we forget.
This is just a reminder.
Sincerely,
A friend

I am Thankful for this thunderstorm.
Thankful to be alive.
Thankful to have a functioning body that I get to put to quality use.
444A
Thankful to have people that love me
Thankful to have people to love.
With these fleeting moments of clarity I must emphasize what a beauty it is to exist.
May we all see the depth of this dream and wake up fully energized.  Time to charge batteries,
After getting enlightened by lightning.
Humbled by thunder.
Seeing beyond the trivialities, excited by wonder.
You are now you2.0
Ready or not, forward into the unknown
With soul we have home
Sometimes we get stuck inside our own heads,
But know you are never alone~

In my dream, I was at a best friend's house.  I noticed his neighbor's family outside in the backyard and wanted to tell them goodbye, for I'd be moving.  The youngest, was among the most adorable little girls I've ever seen/heard.  She said, "Ryan, come see how many cupcakes taller I got!" I chatted with her more than any other, and she seemed to grow sad and quiet due to me having to relocate.  Next thing I know, I'm in a war zone in what I believe to be the middle East, waiting for the moment when the bullets start flying.  I realize I've been here before.  Armed only with a pistol, it was me and few others in this room that seemed very unsafe...the walls seemed thick, yet there were 3 very big windows.  Holes in the walls accompanied by rattling noises were flooding my senses.  I made eye contact with a nearby "enemy" as he aimed the end of his turret at me.  Immediately I ran to a corner out of his gaze, as bullets whizzed past me, missing my body by mere inches.  Others joined me in that corner, hoping to remain safe.  I felt fear, and reflected on this morning - of me telling my girlfriend that I saw us both getting ready for our wedding.  Just then, in the arms of an older woman immediately in front of me, was this little girl looking so deeply inside my soul.  She seemed so similar to the little girl who wanted to show me how many cupcakes taller she was.. I decided right then to take very deep breaths and provide a sense of calm.  I kept repeating to myself "We're not gonna die today.."

I woke up.

The Pyramids of Giza are aligning with Orion
Oh, Ryan, you need to work on your discipline and timing.
Meditate while the Lion's Gate Portal blows open
Elevate cuz no mere mortal is immune to the potion
Create great change as the spiritual sun is rising
More than a name, this is Sirius, reminding us to stay shining
- And Break chains that have kept us in our own confinements
It aint too late, we are divine beyond our environments
Energy exchange, now we reclaim how our power's spent

I would like for the old ry to die tonight.
I'm rewriting the script:
The escape artist quits,
having never fully escaped.
Held down by the mask's weight,
I have to cut it free,
to honor past seeds of the family tree.  
So now the last thing I have to face is - reality.

They say when depressed you should get some deep rest.  Yet I'm consistently day-dreaming over feelings,
Ready for the next stimulus, rare for anybody to catch me sleeping when it's convenient.  Magician fishing for some closeness, vulnerable to half these ill-advised potions.  Serotonin is potent, but so is the poison from the snake bite in motion.  Funeral Bin Laden style, just toss me in the ocean.  Future 100% uncertain, still going.  Violence stays televised like we're the vain new-age Romans.  Ready to vacation outside the galaxy, the door is open.  Still learning to surf these tall waves of emotion.  
P u r g e, just needed to release, please take your vitamins and find your peace.  Loaded with hypocrisy, imma shut up and take a seat, and let silence speak to me about the reality behind the scenes.  Need to learn more before I can truly teach.  Currently remembering that our energy extends beyond our reach.  We really have and are all that we seek, gotta stop measuring self by day of the work week and instead watch the leaves leave the tree.  There's so much beauty in what's not spoken, nature offers therapy for free.  
Wrote all that, just needed to breathe.

I knew my father's death-date before I knew his birthday.  Felt a hint of shame in saying that, but he wasnt around, nothing to celebrate.  I was under the impression he didn't want me, so I left even the thought of knowing him behind.  I held resentment buired in my heart for a long time, dormant, for he didn't often cross my mind.  When tensions were high as a child sometimes I would get the, "...live with your father." threats...but what would scare me most about that was leaving my friends.  
  A few myspace messages are all we had, but through it I got to see how you represented yourself.  Warm and caring.  You definitely liked to have fun, but while you were able, you were there for those that needed you for love.  Mom, as I got older, would trip out over the resemblance...but beyond looks; voice&personality.  Your birthday is December 12th, and I get to celebrate it at a rap show with friends in New Orleans.  12/12...one two one two, the hip-hop in me once breathed in the hip-hop in you.  Today is ten years, wild how fast the time flies.  No longer though do I sit and wonder why.  Feel free to press send on the message from the heaven you settled in.  
   We met for three days when you came to visit ma n me while I was 3.  1+2, 1+2...3, 3.  I must be being watched over by a 33rd degree - angel.  Your loss was painful.  I'm still learning how to heal & study angles from the pool table.   Seriously playful, but I had to learn to pick up self whenever my head would hang low.   Christmas 2008 was planned for...but November 16th brought too much snow.  Yeah, it blows.  But I've already had my sadness overdose.  We were getting close to being close, but your absence in life taught me how to grow.  Taught me how to stay warm when your environment is cold.  Just wish I could hear your thoughts of all you'd want me to know.  Still, energy forever flows, this book is never closed.
           Love you pops

Though my dreams have been borderline terrifying, it's mixed with a magic I can't explain.  I'd often prefer to stay than to wake, and let the story play.  In my dreams I have purpose, even if it is to help save and escape when I am the aimed prey.  I have planted myself in rough terrain, and though I feel the wetness of the rain, I currently lack the passion to push past the concrete shade of gray.  While unconscious I am sometimes robbed of speech and mobility, but awake I am just a shadow's stain.  The sun's rays will hit the next day and we will both forget I am there.  I can honestly say I still prefer the dangers of the night, to the impending daymare.
Let me sleep.

November 16 tends to be heavy for me, but I say, not this one.  I didn't really get any quality sleep but I will make the day fun.  Start a new job i was offered 2 weeks ago, after being interviewed hungover on my day of birth.  My only gift to you was consent for cremation being the sun ☀ that was born first.  The new moon last night lifted any remaining curse, and gave power to future spells.  1 2 1 2 you already know the groove being Sagittarius born on 12/12.  Twelve is also the number of years today you have been out of your shell.  Yet I know you've been there for me spiritually when I've slipped and fell. Been twelve years since you left this material plane, but I know you know, eye spoke to you the other day.

I love you.  Thank you for allowing me opportunity to live again. 💜

Caught between euphoria and anxiety -
With eyes to see, and dismiss as they please..

So let's release these fragmented pieces of stress and live peace
3rd eye bliss exists sitting next to the trees
Lids at rest yet breathing in the scenes
The best quest next is BEing  in your dreams
Lucidity opens the chest to address and heal what you've seen,
While presence presents blessings changing the shape of how you perceive
It all comes to fruition based on the landscape you believe in.
You dont have to take it from me,
But I'm hear and not leaving
Will still explore catacombs til that angel phone call's ringin.

My highs and lows are both deep expressions of soul.  
A veces luna, a veces sol.  
Mind treads the tight rope while corazon strings gold.  
Conozco a Dioses y  Diablos.
With these breaths I am blessed to even own this vessel.
Pero antes de irme, le soplaré a este mundo un beso. 💋💘

Straight gigglin' over how funny life is 😄

Past life ish, that one GaGa succubus,
the world is a stage, we all write this script.
1st learn to play with the shadows of your subconscious
Lucid, I heard the shot - you missed with movement too quick👌
Still learning to astral project so I can vanish, no tricks..but I'll be back i promise, to lift others and pay proper homage to the true soul adventurers of our time - where y'all at? Never mind I see you - sublime, climbing up the 33 vertebrae of the spine, I'll meet you at the top, only one stop for the Divine 😘💓