I want to feel.
I want to cry again at night
so I can't lose sight
of what matters.

I want to feel.
I want to be happy even when I'm not empty
so that I can be so happy I'm as nice as can be.

I want to feel.
I want to be so angry that I can cut myself
without needing to make up a reason
for just wanting to see myself become a ****** mess.

I want to feel.
I want to feel so much terror
at seeing myself again
that I keep fighting until Monday,
and the next,
and the next,
until I can't keep living.

Pain was never pretty,
illness was never "in,"
I'm not looking for anyone to save me,
I'd just like to make someone happy,
I'd just like to have a friend.
One who doesn't leave when my time with them has to end.

Sick was never jealousy envoking,
and crying till 2 A.M.
was a thought unvisited.
I don't long for someone to come along and hug me,
but I can still imagine
that somebody enjoys my company,
and that we can get lost in senseless fun.

I didn't even know that I am lonely,
until I remembered that everybody still sleeps with the promise that they will see each other again,
and until I saw pictures of my friends that made me remember everything about them.

Their only friends are not endless rituals
and tears in the middle of the night,
or halfhearted struggles in a heartless fight.
They have companions to meet their ends,
the ones that used to be my friends.

Everybody that I love
is so far away that all I have of them is some debris in my mind,
crafted from memories,
of a friendship so kind, or at least one of a kind.

I’ve never received a flower
Or even a rose
But I’m a guy
So it’s acceptable I suppose
No kisses
Or sweets
No treats
That signifies ones feelings for me
No token of ones love
But I have gotten
Disappointment
Watered with hate
Planted in betrayal
Fertilized with lies
And maintained by fakes
Roses are Red
But my roses are dead
And crumble beneath my feet

I've got eyes
That makes me human
But I can't see very well through them
So I'm blind
The blurry kind
These eyes of mine
Are awfully ruined
Like an owl
My sight is fowl
In the morning when the sun rays burn right through them
The darkest shades
Would no less save
These white jelly ***** attached to my eye stems
But worst of all
Without discrediting any other travesty
Is that  these big eyes
Be they regular sized
Can't seem to see that you are bad for me
Though family-like folks
With impeccable eye yolks
Could see for days
Your shiny scales
Me as thick
And blind as a brick
Couldn't see a flick of your evil ways
To me you're kind
From the outer to inner sides
And with these eyes
I can no less find
A wrinkle in your peachy colored float and flutter cocoa butter mind
Although your cheats
And cheating like things
Are clear and clean
And as close as my cheeks
I conclude
Be it bitter and shrewd
That none is as blind as she who will not see...

no one smiles
it's always a lie

I once tried to smile
wished my own demise
proceeded to not die
hah, a meaningless prize
lonely whispers I sighed
at night, the wistful rise
amongst the many, only one tries
to pry open my darkened eyes

stay shut, with diminishing strength I say,
as it is only time I hopelessly wile away
Unfortunately, just like these words that I lay,
my life
is just a haze