Alvin Montagnani

Alvin Montagnani 8h

{Yours}

If I had a heart.
Untainted.
Not yet blackened by my own sadness, selfishness and self-loathing.
Tattered and worn out.
Tired of beating for others.

It would be yours.

I'd call you in the middle of the night.
And it would be your call.
To decide whether or not I'm worth a shot.

Spoiler alert:

I'm not.

I'm just never going to be enough, am I?

#sadness #loneliness #unloved #hopelessromantic

Alvin Montagnani 8h

{Hourglass}

Only will I ever be longing.
Watching you from afar.
Instead of being honest.
It's taking me apart.

Only will I ever be longing.
For something that isn't here.
My imagination sometimes brings me to tears.

A child in my hands.
A girl or a boy.
Streaming down my face.
Rivers of joy.

Out of breath I realize; screaming at the wall.
Only will I ever be longing.

For I cannot see past my flaws.
And therefore I will never reach the stars.
In turn I'll never escape the dark.
And I will never hold your heart in the palm of my hand.

Time is running out.

Like quicksand.

With love,
A. Montagnani

#withlove #isolation #longing #toloveistogive #futures #uncertainty #loneliness

Alvin Montagnani Sep 2024

{Contrition}

At the cusp of something.

Perfect silence.
Almost like I'm six feet under.

More like six hundred miles away from you.

Will she ever know of me?
Against all odds, not likely.
I fold myself as if to be-
Stillborn upon delivery.

Some nights I regret every minute I spent deciding what mistake to make.

Many such I've made...
Such as letting one like you slip away.

Alvin Montagnani Sep 2024

{Ultima}

Your nails against my epicenter.

Puncture.
Wound.
Source of life trickling out.

Pulsating with animateness.
Systematic erosion.

I am at peace.
Dying here in the now.
As long as you're happy.

Alvin Montagnani Sep 2024

{Apparatus}

I am he who thinks he knows it all.
While not knowing the purpose of his own existence.
All I know that I know is that nobody knows anything about anything.

History rewritten.
Evidence manufactured.
Controlled by design.
Deceit.

We live in stranger times.
A brave new world.

It'll be our downfall.

#hypercriticalthinking

Alvin Montagnani Sep 2024

{Throes}

"What is a silent scream?", she asked me in the middle of July.

"Ink on paper."

Was particularly fond of this one quote, so I just wanted to share it.