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There is a house with no windows,
built of hours no one counted where the moon keeps its shoes by the door –
always ready, never resting.

Inside, a lantern burns without wick, kept alive by the hands of someone who forgot what their own name feels like when spoken aloud.

They move like wind in a locked room,
making space where none was offered,
balancing skies on their shoulders
like it’s just weather,
not weight.

Their footsteps don’t echo.
They’ve trained even the floorboards not to cry out.

Somewhere, outside the locked hush, another figure stands – also barefoot, also flickering – writing prayers in the form of poems into the dark with nothing but breath and hope
and the ache of recognition.

Not asking to be let in.
Just standing close enough
that the cold doesn’t win.

Because some people don’t knock.
They just stay.
In silence.
Like light does when no one’s watching.
Someday, somewhere, you’ll meet me standing at a crossroads. Not to lead you anywhere, but to walk beside you when you forget where you were going. No maps, no promises. Just presence. Just light that stays.

I’ll stay there – if only for a moment, that forgets how to end…
You are the sun,
I am your mirror.
I reflect your light
back to you.

Your rays touch me -
mine never reaches you.
If I had a heart.
Untainted.
Not yet blackened by my own sadness, selfishness and self-loathing.
Tattered and worn out.
Tired of beating for others.

It would be yours.

I'd call you in the middle of the night.
And it would be your call.
To decide whether or not I'm worth a shot.

Spoiler alert:

I'm not.
I'm just never going to be enough, am I?
Only will I ever be longing.
Watching you from afar.
Instead of being honest.
It's taking me apart.

Only will I ever be longing.
For something that isn't here.
My imagination sometimes brings me to tears.

A child in my hands.
A girl or a boy.
Streaming down my face.
Rivers of joy.

Out of breath I realize; screaming at the wall.
Only will I ever be longing.

For I cannot see past my flaws.
And therefore I will never reach the stars.
In turn I'll never escape the dark.
And I will never hold your heart in the palm of my hand.

Time is running out.

Like quicksand.
With love,
A. Montagnani
Alvin Montagnani Sep 2024
At the cusp of something.

Perfect silence.
Almost like I'm six feet under.

More like six hundred miles away from you.

Will she ever know of me?
Against all odds, not likely.
I fold myself as if to be-
Stillborn upon delivery.
Some nights I regret every minute I spent deciding what mistake to make.

Many such I've made...
Such as letting one like you slip away.
Alvin Montagnani Sep 2024
Your nails against my epicenter.

Puncture.
Wound.
Source of life trickling out.

Pulsating with animateness.
Systematic erosion.

I am at peace.
Dying here in the now.
As long as you're happy.
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