Carlos Aneta: Poems

I'm tired.

Carlos Aneta Dec 2017

Yes,

all that I could wish for
Would just be a moment’s rest.
To the world I’d close my door,
And return at my behest.

Don’t know how long a moment,
Or how short that it would be,
Time’s just one more opponent,
To my firm uncertainty.

No,

this wish may not come true,
Forced to smile and power through,
For reasons I can’t control.

I just want to show a frown,
Go to bed and then lay down,
Not have to get up at all.

If we had limits, we would've stopped by now.

#tired #overwhelmed #cold #fake

Keep hidden

Carlos Aneta Dec 2017

Keep hidden

Hide, because the alternative
Is ugly, and quite disgraceful,
Your concerns are perturbative,
So please hide, even if painful.

Yes, others are more affected,
And if you said this you would lie:
“I am one of the infected!”

Ha.

You know your case does not apply.

And yes, you really do mean it,
Suffering, you haven’t seen it.
All evils of your own making.

You don't need an explanation,
Why every wrong situation,
Leaves you alone at night, shaking.

Caring for ourselves.

#sadness #fear #confusion #guilt

Life in Slow Motion

Carlos Aneta Mar 2018

Life in Slow Motion

So, I've noticed recently quite a peculiar phenomenon.

Something that just seems to go on and on!

A tricksty little notion-

Nay, a bumbling fuss of a commotion!

A devotion to emotion which only leads me to conclude-

I live my life in Slow Motion.

Now, I say this carefully as I dare not intrude upon uncertainties,

But my tactfully concluded analysis leads me to believe-

That there is something wrong.

Some sort of a emotional paralysis, a general lethargy?

Which then turned on its head leads to the greatest irony as it does not drive me to a blurred insanity of speeding through events unimportant to me.

It leads me instead to-

Inaction.

Like an important section of urgency in me shut down-

Leaving me the lenient mercy of being able to look around and talk the talk and walk the walk and chalk up all my defects and errors to be fixed-

To something that can be done later.

But how does swallowing this apathetic little potion lead me back to that silly old notion of living life-

In Slow Motion?

Well, you see when you watch a train wreck before your eyes-

You realise that you won't risk your neck for any old prize related to that. It should be good, really good.

But seeing through your own lies isn't much of a prize.

It's much more comfortable to sit back and take the flak for hack that you've become.

An innocent witness to your own crime-

One who does not have the time for going back to their prime.

It's much better to live in this-

Sublime existence-

Where resistance is met by complete indifference.

And like a bystander I watch events unfold.

And it is this, my companion-

The emotionless ocean's erosion of a what used to be a stalwart bastion of emotion.

The forceful implosion of what used to be a joyful explosion.

This demotion to lowly groveller no other person could sate themselves on.

This is what leads me to believe that silly little notion-

No matter how big the commotion-

That I live my life-

In Slow Motion

A long-winded fast ramble about shambling through life.

#fast #slow #fake #dream

Redemption?

Carlos Aneta Dec 2017

Redemption?

Sadly today I’ve been met,
With an untimely surprise,
Which I say with some regret,
Will bring my timely demise.

It inspires naught but shame,
This way I carry myself.
Grants to me a certain fame,
Inappropriate by itself.

But I must not run away,
Must not let my courage sway,
Must take the due punishment.

So that one not distant day,
I can firmly find my way,
Be one of the innocent.

#regret #failure #denial

Shouldn't have shown you anything.

Carlos Aneta Dec 2017

Shouldn't have shown you anything.

My thinking has failed.
My heart, cut open.
Suffering, unveiled.
Yet I'm still broken.

I thought I was clear.
I thought you were fair.
But you weren't here.
And I wasn't there.

Were we meant to be?
Or destined to fail?
It could be just me.
Another tall tale.

Now we don't talk.
I know that you cry.
To you it's a shock-
It's true, so do I.

You're right, I don't show.
I also don't tell.
Because when you know,
You say "Go to hell".

Wanted to be heard.
Thought that was okay.
My vision is blurred.
Can't keep tears at bay.

What was I thinking

#regret #hide #run

The demons, they come crawling

Carlos Aneta May 2018

The demons, they come crawling

The demons, they will come crawling,
Slowly but surely, in due time
My eyes will once more be bawling,
Partaking in victimless crime.

See, if I, the party of one
(As I've always been in my life)
Do consent to what I have done
Then there is no reason for strife.

Matters not where I brought the blade,
Or intent that I did possess,
Since they were choices that I made,
What I find to be great success.

My judgement is not always sound,
Not when those demons come crawling
To their whims I find myself bound,
I cannot resist their calling.

#empty #desperate #sad

What comes after?

Carlos Aneta Dec 2017

What comes after?

What do the bones say?
Do they have regret?
Do they miss the day
They weren't dead yet?

If I speak to some,
Will they make a fuss?
"I hope you don't come-
Be glad you're not us!"

"There's nary a thing
As bad as this - Death.
To life you should cling,
Don't take your last breath!"

"It crawls in our skins
That we are alone,
We still have our sins
Which we can't atone."

But the bones won't speak.
They're just dust and ash.
Their future is bleak.
They've made their last splash.

Their voices unheard.
Their prospects are through.
So don't join their herd,
Or you won't speak too.

Is it worth losing the chance to ever be heard again?

#fear #death #finite

What is the price of loyalty?

Carlos Aneta Dec 2017

What is the price of loyalty?

What is the price of loyalty?
Of strife and grief present in me,
For long gone, sundry, royalty,
Which accused me of heresy.

For tightness and regret I feel,
On errant ship in windless sea,
I’ve been laid bare upon the keel,
My wrongs displayed for all to see.

I hear them still rowing the oars,
I still long for those distant shores,
My dreams still filled with thoughts of home.

Yet all desire I possess
Shall bring me nothing, nonetheless,
For all the fault is still my own.

#loyalty #regret #emptiness

— The End —