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913 · Jan 2018
Animal Crackers
Brian Tafanji Jan 2018
Your eyes swaddle me and keep me warm. They’re a warm ocean I dive into and when i emerge i’m saturated in your satisfying and nurturing love. Oh i love how your hugs make me feel protected from the apocalypse, as if God himself is the one and only thing that can rip me from your grasp. You’re warm soft fingers intertwined with mine remind me that i’m apart of something bigger than myself, bigger than this universe. I’m apart of your life and every time you speak my name a chill goes down my spine, lifts my body, and enhances all my senses so that I may feel, touch, taste, hear, and even smell the radiating adoration you have for me. Just to know that I’m something that crosses your mind is a privilege, a gift, and a blessing. I am so lucky. I don’t know why you share your animal crackers with me, but know that i will push you on the swing whenever your arm is broken. Know that whenever you get a cut i will always place a band aid on the bruise and kiss it to make it feel better. I will be your teddy bear and comfort you when the thoughts in your head get too much to handle. All because you shared your animal crackers. The animal crackers you’ll never get back, the ones you can never give to anyone else, the crackers that give you dangerous ownership of my heart but ownership you treat with respect. I’m a flower that you watered with your tears and you have full permission to pick me out of the ground at anytime but instead you choose to just watch me grow and admire my plump petals.

Our overwhelming love will last for eternity. All because you shared your animal crackers.
This is about love. Not a certain love in particular just love itself. The foundation and strength of it and what makes it what it is and so invigorating.
429 · Oct 2017
You Crush Me
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
It was all just a dream. You don’t love me. You never kissed me. You don’t care. And you’re never friendly. I hate that i love you. We can never be. We don’t exist.....only you and i serperatley. You give me strange looks. You look away. You’re afraid of emotions. You left me astray. You lead me on and told me lies.  You made me hate myself for being gay.. I’m through with the games i’m not your pawn. There is no love, it’s time to move on.
385 · Jan 2018
Your Hair
Brian Tafanji Jan 2018
it's a pillow for me to rest on when I place my head on it.
it's my comfort for my anxiety when I stroke and pet it.
it's a warm ocean i swim in for fun and never bores me.
it's my distraction from the evils of the world when i stare at it.
it's my reminder that you're stunning no matter how hard you don't believe so.
it's a stimulation for my senses when I smell the luscious locks.
so brown, so course, so soft, like the mane of a horse.
it's just one of the minimal out of one hundred other monumental things.
I Love About You.
the hair of someone you love, can be so much more, than just hair of the person you love. because that person is more than just a person, so same principle goes for everything about them.
371 · Oct 2017
.Abuse Addiction.
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
i’m not your toy. My emotions aren’t a game. But i let you use me and that’s a shame. So turn around leave me behind.  i’ll leave without you and repair my mind.
i’m damaged enough one more look could ****.
My heart is racing but my feet stay still. i want you the moment you look away.
i regret it all. i promise i won’t be so hurt, i swear i won’t fall.
i won’t give up on us i’m not a quitter. Little do i know, to you i’m just a cake that now tastes bitter.
328 · Oct 2017
Reason
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
I’m so tired....of holding it all in.
The pain is not worth bearing.
You’re the only reason why I still do this....this living thing.
I’d love to end it all.
But if I do you’ll have no one to call.
I hold your weight because you love me and i love you.
I’m not sure why though, I make mistakes in everything I do.
I can’t let you fall but that being said you won’t let go.
Neither of us will let the other fall so we’re stuck in this frozen pain that is life.
But as soon as your life has passed, I’m grabbing the knife.
321 · Nov 2017
Beating around the bush
Brian Tafanji Nov 2017
Stop your lying, quit your hiding, I know you feel bad when you see me crying.
Don't act like you don't care because I know you do, stop pretending like all i am to you is a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
You're always watching and always listening but when it comes to confrontation,  you become a ******* chicken.
You're confusing me, and that's not fair, I told you how I felt, and your false security is thick in the air.
I'm here for you, all you have to do is ask for me.
I love you...............but I'm not sure how much longer I can wait.
294 · Oct 2017
Shhh!
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
Secrets I'm holding.
My head it's hurting.
My friends, they're leaving.
My sanity, it's fading.
Reality, it's fleeting.
Trust....where is it?
You told me not to share.
That I'd be dead if I dared.
You're suicidal I have to, I care.
Don't you care if I cry?
If I tell people you need help you'll leave me scattered.
But if I don't.....your soul will be shattered...
from the perspective of one of my good friends. I finally understand how they feel.
280 · Oct 2017
The Social Kingdom
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
The spiderweb behind glass screens is where most people meet now a days. I visit the web occasionally but I don’t have the best experience. I spend most of my time in the social forest, reality. I have bad experience in the social forest...for some reason fear always overcomes me. Maybe it’s because not many people join reality and most of the time spend their days in the web, but I don’t blame them, it is a web of lies that traps the weak minded. I’ve never been trapped by this web....
252 · Nov 2017
fuck life
Brian Tafanji Nov 2017
I wanna cry.
I hope I die.
I wish my soul would drift off into the ******* sky.
You wanna know why?
Because I'm way too tired to even try.
233 · Oct 2017
I hate loving you
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
I fell for you.
Now I can't get up.
Who's to blame? You, me, or my undying love?
Brian Tafanji Jan 2018
The heart wants what it wants right?
Well....the heart is an involuntary muscle working non stop without you even thinking about it. So therefore whatever the heart wants is not logically thought out and does not align with with reality. Your desire could be a fabrication and is pushed aside behind everything else that happens in the universe that actually matters and has significance. What the heart wants is not what you need and although it may feel as if you might die without it...you will live. Pain is nothing but the mind sending signals telling you to stop doing what is causing said pain. So stop chasing figments of your imagination.
i often chase my delusional daydreams
191 · Oct 2017
Inside
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
it's dark in there and i can not see.
when  i step inside i feel like i'm drowning in a sea.
no one really wants me there but they say they do.
i know i'm in the wrong place.

why doesn't it work, what's wrong with me?
am i the problem, was i right? i am a mistake?
the people don't  know they don't get it.
i know i'm not alone but mentally i am.

there is no one for me i can't explain why.
i want to leave but i'm required to stay.
can someone shine a light? i cant find my way.
i've lost my will i put myself in those who care...

those people aren't there.
they're just a figment of my imagination.
i'd like to think i'm important but it always stays the same.
i'm not compatible i'm just "nice".
it's a persona i put on to make people think they like me.

it's okay....i dont wanna fit in.
its no good anyway, once you're thrown out you see the truth.
the truth isn't as satisfying as i thought it would be...
is there a point in life? if there is i'd like to see.

this poem is probably trash, it's just high-school drama.
i tried to be something but........nothing works.
189 · Oct 2017
Fake Smiles (:
Brian Tafanji Oct 2017
Friends see it and know it's a lie
A curve is what it is, not a sign of happiness you can't deny
Kind spirit kind heart, it shields you from my dark
Everyone suspects it's all okay until I let out my vicious bark

Saving isn't what I need what I need is something to stop this craving
Makes me crazy how much i crave the attention I keep escaping
I cry a selfish tear alone silently begging for someone to come
Let them near me, the second they care I start to run
Even I don't know what I want or what I mean
Send help please or soon this knife won't be clean
185 · Nov 2017
Strain
Brian Tafanji Nov 2017
My eyes awake.
It's another day......
Another day of disappointment.
Another day of false confidence.
Another day of torment.
And another day of.....hey why don't I just not have today.
If I don't have today, pain will go away.....right?
No more isolation.
No more tears and prosecution.
If I take my life.....I'LL FINALLY BE FREE FROM IT!
No more dealing with *******.
Only....I can't....
These people have.....imprisoned me in life......with all their "feelings" and "love".....
Well. I guess I'll live another day.

— The End —