For every defiance
I lay rules until fifth times
At first I feign ignorance
At second, I exercise patience
On third, my final drops of tolerance
At fourth, know my resistance
And at fifth, I will devoid you of existence.
Never waste your chances
For you loose them in the process.

God is the game master
I am the Chess player
I play the King and just like anybody else
I too am afraid to loose my most valuable piece - my queen.

She taught me, a demon, two things...
How to smile and how to cry.

It all started with a simple “Hi”
Then developed with a heartfelt smile
Like? Am I seeing it in your eyes?
And that hug? It lasted a long while…

Math: found x, yet I’m looking for you
English: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST… VWXYZ… Yes, I really did miss “U”
Science: Neither Einstein nor Hawking has a clue
CLE: Even God knows it’s true…
I really do love you…

I stretch my hand, take it, come with me
I promise, you’ll always be happy
I’ll teach you what it means to be free
You’re the only girl I ever see…

Wish it, I shall lay waste to the best
Name it, I’ll make haste at your behest
Your will be done, though the heavens fall
A chevalier at your beck and call.

In time, I knew you might feel the same
However, these were all such a shame
It may have been easy to say “Hi”
But, she’s even quicker to say bye…
I am finally at my wits end
Guess… we can only ever be friends…

A red rose is warmth
It is love
A blue rose is a phantom
It is refined guise
A purple rose is a special someone
Warmer than red and cooler than a blue one
A yellow rose is joy
Closely knit with the sun
An orange rose to represent enthusiasm
Fascination and passion
A pink rose for appreciation
Light but pretty
A white rose for purity and spirituality

How about a green rose?
Unique one but common like any other hue of a leaf
But think not about that
Deeper something lies

A black rose then?
Perhaps it is dead, a demonic, forlorn or forgotten
Yet remember this rose is a rose too just like all of you
Just planted on the wrong ***,
raised in a vile way,
watered with poison and plucked from the depths of Tartaros

How about I?
I am the BloodyRose
I may be any of the these roses
Oftentimes, I dream a field of white roses soaked in blood
I like the red rose
Because I too have a heart
Aspire to be a blue rose
In search of a refined self
Like the purple one,
because she has a share in the world of blue and red
I'm more of a green one
Because I myself don't understand
But I portray myself as a black rose...
Only when the other roses reach out will they see the true me.

In the end what matters is not my color,
but the hand that reaches out to me.
What will change me is the hand
who tries to understand me and cares for me.
Just as God is the shepherd to a sheep
A rose needs a gardener too.

I am the BloodyRose - rose soaked in blood...
It matters not whatever color I am
Because as long as my master gardener is here...
My color matters not...
All that matters is that hand reaching out to me
that plucked me
and took care of me...

If you ask me,
"How are you?"
I'll answer, "I'm Okay"

But please set me free
If I were to be true,
Slowly I decay

So reach out that hand, I guess
But know that I'm a mess
I barely do my best,
But perhaps in you I'll find some rest

So ask me once more
"How are you?"
I'll still answer, "I'm Okay"

So hug me tight as if at world's end
And tell me, "It's fine... I know you're not, your heart has a huge dent."
If that happens, please forgive me if I cry

Because up until now, I lived telling myself everyday
"Things are gonna be okay,
I am Okay"

And that is my little stage play
In reality, I no longer see the light of today
and I hope meeting you
will help me become true
True to say one day that I am
"Finally, really... okay..."

Adrift the sea
sails a message in a bottle
A method be chosen
for I who no longer
can muster courage
to spew words
from this tongue of mine.

We may no longer speak
but rest assured
I still call you friend
Regardless if you
Call or treat me as one.

Truth be told
Even if I am no
part of it
My heart is glad
that you have now found
the happiness
that I wished to offer
yet always failed to give.

Sure am I that fate
be blamed
that we met,
meet and will meet,
and destiny be intertwined
on these points.

However, perhaps hands
never joined
for you are a resident
of the light
whilst I a dweller
of the night.

May this find you
in good health
as it carries
my goodwill.
I also wish to
express my praise
for what you achieved
and whatever you
shall find undertaking.

I shall no longer
bring up relics
of the past
as I have left them
and have decided
to continue to grow.

Nevertheless, while I
mingle in the shadows
I am always ready
to stretch out my hand.
But remember that
you must ask
so I may know,
then you shall receive.

For now I withdraw,
Naught I say goodbye
rather saying that
while I make my
presence scarce
I am always here for you.

In the darkest night
When there is no light
In the loneliest hour,
When everyone’s afar
And on that second
I will be there to hold your hand
To tell you its
too early to give up
And too late to quit
To keep you going
And fighting the current
Remember,
I am and will always
be here for you.

May you find
yourself blessed,
may luck find
you in her favor,
may my goodwill come
your way and
may this find you
in the best of health.


Wishing you
happiness forevermore…

In your eyes I see where yonder lies
And delicate lips with rosy cheeks
Strewn with hair darker than new moon nights
Along a gaze plenty beguiling
A daughter of dulcet and regal
A fine niece for noble and faithful
To whom Aphrodite humbly kneels
Always your smile transcends enchanting.

Night came to reminisce the past
Lately realized; it won’t last
Never known they will bite the dust,
Sad to say, hard to take, it’s just.

Remember the diverse seasons
Smiling for distinct reasons
Frowning with some explanations
Simple yet complex descriptions.

I missed such accompaniment
Sentiments on our merriment
Don’t you implore for that moment,
Maybe because I’m too lenient.

Delightful yet painful memoir
This is simply paranoia
Deprivation of euphoria,
These epitaphs of nostalgia.

Now every single thing is gone
Even this poem is almost done
The sorrowful presence of none
And these happened because of one.

Simply because I remember.

The horns warning danger are blown
Shrill cry of war from the unknown,
Your defenses on the guard rose
The warriors marched and fought but lost,
Swords were drawn and there was bloodshed
Cannons were fired ‘till all are dead.
Your kingdom is desolated
While on distant empires you fled,
When all your people are mourning
And you’re on the verge of dying …
But as I have constantly said,
Heed my call and you’ll be aided,
In defense, I am the strongest,
I will always be your fortress.

Trust this once, I be honest
If naught, I be your detest
I request... see not my best
Lest, you see my life's a mess.

Knight nor angel be my fame
Yet demon may be my name
For I am void, all the same
Might once, the beast has been tame.

Read your "Words," few times over
Feeling this guilt forever
Hoping I was better
"I'm sorry..." speaks my letter.

Know not, if I caused you smile
Only knew, I made you cry;
I bear not a will so vile
"Forgive me..." for much I pry.

Laziness, I call father
Fallacy be my brother
But trust, pain too my teacher
And hatred my named lover.

I come in princely garment
Yet, naught stranger to torment
Believe... this time I lament
I too was broken and bent.

And as you read this seventh,
Naught deadly sin nor Godsent
Please wait... make way for the eighth
I hope you come not I to hate.

'Til eight day, my feelings last
"Til thirteenth hour, I stand fast
At world's end, I turn to dust
Your sake, I accept all cuss...

By no means, am I kidding
You're pretty, I'm not lying
You know, I'm at your bidding
Your smile, beauty undying...

Your hair not black but silky
And eyes that shine so brightly
Thy skin looking so dewy
You're extraordinary...

There are times when you're silly
Know that I will set you free
Ask I, try look at what I see
You're truly perfect to me.

Trust me, need not you be strong
I am here for you lifelong
And give me a bit of prong,
Then I will prove the world wrong.

Know that I have found a clue
Right now, I give you my cue
Too deep, too much, too hard, too?
I only wish to be true...

Warmer red and cooler blue
A purple rose is your hue
Beauty be gone, without "U"
I am always here for you...

What you think is my anger,
truth is I'm just scared to talk to you... because I don't know what to say and I know I'm not worth it. In fact, I spend every night thinking about you typing something on the chat but ending up to delete because I'm too scared anyway...

What you think is pride,
I am just too uncertain on what to tell you for you to perhaps find and for me to understand the 'interesting' you once called me. Deep inside, I know I'm boring and I just don't want to hurt you.

What you think sloth,
it is my commitment to try to understand what it means to be an average person living in fear of quizzes, grades, hoping to pass, and doing my best to graduate.

What you think is gluttony,
well to be honest I just really love eating...

What you think is jealousy,
I know I'm not perfect and many others will appeal more to you or look much more ideal than I am. So what you think is jealousy is for me simply afraid of loosing you.

What you think is greed,
none of this I have ever kept for myself. But, I shall spare you the details because you might just pity me.

What you might think lust,
perhaps more accurate if you say creepy or annoying, is what I call concern and care.

I like you
I value you, and
I love you.

The worst nightmare
is not a dream
that makes you cry
and ends when you wake up
but it is where you have to
wake up from bed everyday
feeling like crying
missing someone
and literally
living everyday as a nightmare
and only ends when you die.

If I was a demon,
And if she was a book,

She is indeed the most precious book
that I ever set my hands and laid my eyes on.

She is the most beautiful book
that I read, loved, love and I will always love
but will never have.

Such is the curse bounded to me,
forever bounded to the depths of leviathan.

She has taught me, a demon, two things
Nearly impossible things for a demon to learn...
How to smile and how to cry.

Below is my philosophy and such is my curse...
the definition of love and beautiful.

Things are beautiful because you can never have them

like the beautiful purple rose in a midst of blue and red roses
but can never reach the purple rose because the others will *****
        you to death

And if you must love, love with all your heart
but never expect anything in return

For you might be the only one who will love her that much,
but if your love goes not returned
it will hurt
so expect none
so it won't hurt more than this...

(I suggest read this slow and feel it HAHAHA)
Again,
she has taught me, a demon, two things
How to smile and how to cry...

Jesus said, "Simon... Son of Jonah!"
And Peter answered, "Y-Yes Lord...?"
Yeshuah then asked, "Do you Love Me..."
"... More than the others do?"
Peter answered, "Y-Yes Lord... Lord You know that I love You..."
The Lord asked, "Do you Love Me?"
the rock answered, Yes, Lord... You know I Love You."
.
.
.
"Do you... Love Me?"
"Yes! Lord... You know everything... You... You know that I Love You."
*(Notes: Reference)


And if you ask me, "Do you love me?"
I'll answer, "Yes, I do."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes, I really really do love you."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes, I do... love you."

Seconds passed, since you were last on my mind
Just hours passed, since I last thought of how you are doing
Days passed, since we last talked
Even weeks passed, so long a time
And months passed, since I last saw you
How long has it been?

Yet, not a day passed when you weren't on my mind
Not a moment passed when I didn't miss you
Naught a time passed, nor a single second, whence I can deny you.

The times may change
And I may have changed
But one thing did not change...
I am sure of
No, not in the slightest bit
It never did
And it never will.

"Do you love me?"
"Yes,... I do... love you."
I did love
I still do love you
I am in love with you
I love you
I really do love you
I always did
And I forevermore, always, will love you.

I am not sure, of that point of no return
I doubt that exists for me
You may feel me less now or even none at all
But, I assure you I am always there by your side
Because, "Baby if you say you want me to stay"
"I'll change my mind."

Ti Amo Murasaki Rozu Zutto, Zutto, Eien ni...

Look into my eyes,
And see if I didn't.
Let me hug you tight,
And tell me if I won't.
Let me hold the warmth of your hand,
And say if you feel I don't.

Search the inner calculus of my mind
Venture the hidden caverns of my heart
And voyage on the turbulent seas of my soul
Do everything in your might
Just to find yourself a "No."

Flay my skin
Crush my bones to dust
And make a tonic of my blood
Make me walk on live flames
Squeeze me dry
And hold to trial every bit of mine.
Turn me inside out
Until all that is left of me is a mouth.

A mouth to ask,
Have you found your "No"?
Or have you found my answer?
A voice that speaks,
Not the slightest bit of me exists
That would give you a no.

For I did love you
I still do love you
I really really do love you
And forevermore, remember, I always will love you.

And in that last moment
When and whence nothing is left of me
I shall lay my answer to your question.
Yes.
I do...
I love you,
Keziah Maru.

Treading on unfamiliar land
where cold-heart atmosphere surrounds
raining with snowflakes of anguish,
the pink earth colored by bloodshed
crawling with weeds of dire nightmares
and fallen leaves of broken dreams.
Plants of ominous rivalry,
blooming with despair and sorrow,
the ebony trees of dark magic
bearing fruits of pain and misdeeds.
And the clouds of tears and sadness
along with tombstones of loved ones;
Thick fog of dying memories
And defiled waters filled with lies.

What garden grows in the winter?
A world of woe one must elude,
Wandered around this place once more,
And this is the winter garden.

can YOU heAR my quiEt screaMs?
or perhaps an unspoken voice?
have You ever seen dRy tEArS?
Or simply deaf and bliNd by choice?

mIne is a sMile full of grIef,
eyeS So bright yet empty indeed.
mY dull life once set adrift
lost a sOUl found yet filled with greed.

but i'm PLEASEd as i drink some wine
Spare the fArce and ViE for your Might.
trust thE words that says I'M fine
Don't worrY everythING's alright.

I CAre NoT if you're wiTh him
and for your sAKE, i will rejoice
for my Lord hears sooTHIng hymnS
MY HEART, that sIngs a siLent nOiSE.

Looking at me like I'm a ghoul
So treat me like a fool
And use me like a tool
But, I'll still act cool

I will not apologize for who I am
But I will for all the tears I caused you
Cast me like another sham
And I hope you know not, that what I feel is true

Naught am I charming
Neither enlightening or inspiring
In fact, I know I'm boring
But never know I walk a tightrope string

I'm happy to see you smile with someone else
Just a bit painful to know
that you never smiled at your best
even if I gave you all of my own

What you think is mere empathy
Is just a part of what the whole true
And what you call jealousy
Is what I call fear of losing you

The worst nightmare
was never being paralyzed in the middle of my sleep
nor waking up with blood-stained bed sheet
in the middle of the night.

The worst nightmare goes like this - just tonight
I tried to fall asleep hoping it's quicker -
and perhaps easier than falling apart - than tears falling down my
        cheeks
But still wake up just to cry in memory of her.

I wanted to return from the start
when I wasn't too honest
I want her to realize
just how much she means to me.

I wished she knew the sacrifices I made
that sealed my fate
I wish she knows what punishment I await
because I did this for her sake.

I know you already like someone else
Yet despite this fact
And despite denying you to myself every single day
nothing hurts more than lying to myself knowing I can't stop these
          feelings for you.

The saddest thing is that could have been me
perhaps if I wasn't too honest and didn't put my chance on the line
But this is the way I love - the way the Lord taught me to love
Strengthen my resolve, and love with all my heart no matter the
          cost, no matter the risk, no matter the return, no matter the
          pain.

But more than anything else if I must receive spare change,
I wish she knows I love her...
I loved her
love her and
will always love her...
I have always love her and forevermore I will - no matter the cost,
          risk, pain, return - this is what binds me to God, the way He
          loves me and the way I love as He taught me.

Even if my love goes not reciprocated,
Honestly, it was when I met you that I guess I really started breathing

I have always love you and I always will because a world without you is a world not worth living.

I love you "Circle".

Kiss the winds and waves goodbye
Empty your heart out into the sky
Zip your worries and everything will be fine
I will be here for you
Amidst, thorny roads, six feet below, horror movies or even hell
Help will come, I will send you an angel

May joy and laughter come your way
Adrift away you may lay
Remember even Hades and Tartaros will say
U may stay and have your way

Press your sword deeper into the foe
And you are sure to make them woe
Soar high and go far
Indulge yourself with the brightness of the star
Only you will ever know
Naught will you ever make you fade... warmer, brighter than a red rose, cooler and calmer than a blue rose too

You are the precious purple rose... :))

I met you by chance
Became your friend by choice
But when I fell for you, it was beyond my control
And being in love, perhaps be God's will - His punishment and His
         gift for me. But honestly, this too is my wish and will.

I want you to know I am just another chess player
Afraid to loose you, afraid to loose my queen on the chess board
I like your beauty, and value your person - that is how special you
          are to me
But it was your heart and soul, that I am in love with.

I once read...
not to "love too much, hope too much or trust too much
because that too much
is going to hurt you so much"

But I still choose to give you
my all... and still give you too much of this all
for I may be the only one who will ever love you like this
and I hope you remember me and appreciate my efforts

At the very least I hope
that if someday I die, I expect not you to shed tears for me
but at least remember me
and that I love you and I always will.

As I said,
"and as I fall, I will give you my all
you may not be the first, but I wished you are the last
and for you I will not rise above the rest, but rise above the best."

Remember it rains
because it's too heavy in the clouds
Tears too fall
because it's too painful to keep it in

Finally, let me lie in bed
and let me fall asleep and pray it be quicker
before I fall apart
before my tears fall

But remember I did give you my all
Guess just unlucky you didn't fall
But still know that one day if you need me
come knock at my door or message me and I will always welcome
           you with open arms...

If only I could tell her,
"Wait for me.
I'm coming soon.
I will return very soon.
Once again,
I shall hoist the flags
And venture once again,
I shall reach that
Perfect princess
On top of the tower.
I am longing, coming,
returning for you,
very, very, soon."

Too scared to hit that follow button
Too anxious to hit that wave icon
Too uncertain to message when she's on
All I need is a little bit of push to go on...

To let me hit that add friend, like, love, and follow button...

Because I'm scared to
Put it up on twitter
I'm putting it here

1. Stay tuned for the next poem. Like you have to. Next poem is ready, but putting it up soon. It's very special to me. So I hope nothing happens too much until I post that poem.
2. Can she read these poems? Hahahahaha
3. I just wanna say this, but she's super like super duper pretty. Like she gets prettier by the second.
4. I know and I don't care even if I'm not moving on. I am definitely falling deeper every time.
5. Wow she's super pretty. She puts to shame everyone that can be called pretty.
6. Does she know I read... "When you said Ti Amo"? If so, how? I get the feeling she knows. Wait don't assume... I sounds like it may be, but best asaume it's not. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I know, this is not a poem. It's just random thoughts.
But in the end,
1. She's real beautiful in her recent pic.
2. No matter what happens, I'll put all of these in the hands of God.
3. May she receive the best of happiness.

Yep... I really love my prior poem - A Gift from Me to You.

I knew it
My past will be too hard for you to accept
I might never be as honest again as I was to you
I fear that curiosity killed the cat, but honesty killed my chance

But such is my resolve,
I may have lost my chance and it will hurt you
But if it will give you a chance to a happier or brighter future
then I don't mind throwing away this worthless life of mine

Please judge me not from the choices I made
when you never knew the choices I had to choose from
It's okay if you will never accept me, I'm used to it
But please don't forget that only I, only I love you this much

Believe me,
I am not so bad, when I have someone to love and protect
And truth is, everyone will hurt you perhaps more than I did
But, you just have to find the one worth suffering for... I guess I
        wasn't the one hahaha

I at least can say I bore no ill will
when I incidentally hurt you in the past
I hurt you not for selfish reasons
but purely out of love, to give you a shot at a brighter dream

I might be a monster to you,
a self-centered one
but it does not mean I don't have a heart.
But, I became selfless for your sake.

Don't worry I'm used to this pain and rejection
Being an option and being left out
I'm sick of it, but it makes me strong
I'm used to it, but it does not mean it doesn't hurt

Such is the fate of the monster...
to fall in love with people you can never have.

One day you'll realize, that for you I am always there...

I wish to promise you forever,
but now you're the reason why my world is over
when happiness I shall meet never
and why my heart never gets any better?

True love will not meet me at my best
but she'll meet me when I'm a mess.
Love was never about a no or a yes;
it is staying by your side even if I knew it is hopeless.

I'm sorry if I'm not perfect
I'm sorry if I'm not pure of heart
I'm sorry for being a letdown, for letting a lot of people down
I'm sorry for doing this not because of friendship, but because of
       love
I am sorry for being me and that I am me.

I love the rain

Oftentimes, she falls when I'm fallen
Sympathizes even when I'm broken
However, she reminds
Not everyday has to be sunny and bright
that as the winds chimes
out there waiting for me is some rainbow light

She's not afraid to touch me even when I'm broken and bent
sets me free when my heart is swollen and in torment
I like her  because she's cool regardless
and accepts me even when I'm a mess
All that's left is for me to confess

A rain with 6 drops for a name...

I thought I was a demon,

I was born in the wrong place
Entered the world at perhaps the wrong time
Raised in twisted culture
And horrid beliefs
Pretended to be righteous
but not even once was I pious
Blood was my sister
and death was my brother
This family was my comfort and pain
that raised me in perhaps the vilest of ways

I spoke most lies
Heard the people's cries
What I saw with my eyes
All sorts of guise
I guessed I was born to bear this yoke
For only I can take this walk while everyone gawks

As you see all of these is in the past,
was...
born, entered, raised, pretended
spoke, heard, saw and guessed...

But,
Just like anyone else
I have eyes that see good and evil
Nose that tells right from wrong
Mouth that speaks either true or false
Ears that know of joys and woes
Hands that caress and punched
And feet that carried and stepped on someone else...

I too have a mind that thinks
Worlds different from yours, but in darkness I wish not in the abyss I sink
I too have a heart
Just like yours...
that was burned, cheated, broken and bent
but I'm proud of it...
because even if it experienced too great a pain
It's still working and keeping on

Judge not the choice I made
when you do not know the choices I had to choose from
I may have been too bad
worse at places
and worst at times
too dark
too angry
too lonely
too sinful
too evil
too sad...
But I too, have heart
Making mistakes in the same way you do
I too am human just like you.