I watched as the
leaves changed
as
I change too

I felt lips slowly
caressing me
felt too
my hand wrap around
your broad shoulders
silly me
I forget my self
seem foreign accents
have a way of making me forget
or
was it in the way you kiss
which has me
loosing what senses I've got left

My body hasn't felt like
this and if t did
I doubt I'd forget

Forgotten from years ago when
someone like you during
November
held me
just like this
and
left traces of kisses
down my spine
but I messed it up
I couldn't
believe someone
like him
loved me
so yup I messed it up

Here we are
you & I
and
before we let it get too far
Just give me
what I came here for

Dance with me
our lovers dances
touch me slowly

Sensually splay
your palm on my breast
wrap your fingers in my hair
tilt my head back

Devour
my mouth with yours
as
you slide your other hand
over my plump belly
trace each stretchmarks
with your fingers

We've stopped

I pause
You look down at me
I'm panting  
your breathing heavy

You're starring intensely
at me with those  
beautiful  mesmerizing
lapis  blue eyes

mesmerizing

my breath stops
and
I'm lost within them
I can't even look away

You stand up
towering over me  
still gazing at me
with such
longing
as if
I'm the only one in the
world

I can't take it anymore
but
before I drop my gaze you scoop me up
into your arms

No words have been spoken but I know whats to come
We've been taunting and teasing one another for
days weeks and months

*Pressing our bodies up against one another
every time we got together

May's long gone and
after waiting from then
til November

Seven months
hmm
one of us is about to be in trouble
&
I think it's me

Time passes
and
all we're doing is clinging to one another
the air between us
is electric

We did this to each other
we've allowed it
to build up
so much and now
the moments here

I'm nervous

it's been such a long long time

Effortless you hold my weight
up in the air within your arms
my legs
automatically
wrap around
your thick masculine waist

I wish I knew
how you did it
stripping my clothes and yours

honestly  
I can't remember
how we ended up
undressed

All I remember
is
your administrations
to my person
&
how you
*kissed    licked  ******
almost every part of me

so delicately
so sensually
&
how your fingers
played with me

melting me from the inside out
and
how your
massive manhood
stretched me
as
you continued
your
delicious assault

UMMM

I haven't called you since
I haven't replied to your texts
It's not easy for me
but you'll not understand

I'm no good for you
I hurt those who seem to
genuinely care for me

Specially men
I've not had good
experiences with em

So when you
come as you are
with those
beautiful lapis blue eyes

I know
I'd get lost in you

lost
in what
we could of been
No could
not
of been
or
ever be again

because
I'd be a shell of myself

I'd find somehow
some way to
**** it up

I doubt you can relate
because
you don't
understand
but
trust me

I've seen
what you were
* asking*
without words
ever being spoken

So before
we go there
I'd rather not

Let's end it
as we did
and
PLEASE*
remember
we'll always have
**November

I admit
most times
I don't know what I'm doing....


Traded one
for something that refuses to grow
no matter how much
I tried to nurture it,

how did I figure it'd work,
when every part of my being
was screaming ; 

 "girl don't you do IT".

I did it....

I felt
I hadn't any choice,
I lost it all already
and
seemed the course
was set for me
with out me
making up my mind .

I did it....

I should of reconsidered

but for what and for whom?

I was alone
longing and now

I'm stuck,
trapped

longing  
for protective arms
to hold me
stead of
pushing me away.

Pointing fingers
constantly accusing
but
never to touch me
gentle or rock my body
slowly
with any affirmation of love,*

not your love; yours is toxic,

hurtful
demanding

manipulative,
and
always has me crying....  

   still......

I did it.

Now
I have nothing left
but regrets
more broken promises and this....

This

wedding ring.

Don't  
be or play  coy  
baby ;  
show me who you are,
from day
ONE,

NAHHH,

I don't
wanna
wait & find out
after the
honeymoon
faze
has worm off,

Let me see;

Show me the you in 6 months

The one & only
real
YOU.

WHO
you are
when
no one's
paying attention
YOU.

I don't want the 3 months everything is fine & cute You


The whatever you 
 like  
&
wanna please me
you.

The so eager to
spoil
me
&
shower
me
with attention 
 you,

because
this is all lovely 
 sweet
& brand new  to
YOU
type You.

Let me see you
The real you,

The I dont give a ****
YOU?

THE

I'm a  
mental wreck 
 break some ****
type you,

How about ;

The
I'm not who everyone
wants me to be
YOU,
the crazy
"Put the lotion in the basket"
  type you?

Let me see  
YOU,

THE REAL YOU

&

leave all
that
fake
courting

*******
you
AT THE DOOR

WHERE YA HUNG YA COAT!