Ayeshah

Ayeshah Feb 2016

What would possess a man to stalk me on the internet after I've told him over and over that I'M  not looking for a relationship?

what would possess that him to pretend to be other people on the internet?
When somebody does not want  you to  be apart of their life...YOU should give it up

Be it  male or female

You should leave them alone
respect their boundaries and their wishes if they wanted you they will be with you period!

I know I stated that I don't want a relationship

Yet I'm looking for friendship and I don't want anything else when the time comes for me to settle down again-no we're not talking about marriage just settling down with one person and being committed to each other when that time comes it will not be with you....

You can cry about it
YOU CAN rant about it
YOU CAN  feel however you do
JUST  just stop stalking me!

I know for a fact that you have MANY girlfriends and of course YOU asked another woman to marry you

I know for sure that you have many lovers & for what?...
I don't know because you're not really good in bed and not good at much of anything .... that's your business and I would like you to stay out of my business

I would like to live my life without you stalking me: hence why I moved to a different state!

I'm on this here poetry site that I've been a part of for a very long time
Yet
I don't even write on here as much anymore because I'm being stalked.

This  this is someone that I  moved far away from 2 years ago and I'm still being stalked

The saddest thing is you're wasting time on me for no reason!

All this failed understanding of what I'm saying  has me worked up , like who enjoys their space being invaded?

Fact is you'll find some way to read this and still stalk me;  via the web, text or call me.

Makes no sense to me..

if I must do another restraining order so be it...
I'm so tired of this  ******* and it's not that I'm afraid IT'S  more so I would like peace of mind because I don't want to become a criminal and hurt this person that's stalking me knows I fear no 1.

I will protect my children so let's hope for his sake he stops!

I don't want to have to go in and out of court.
Which is WHY  I move out of state;  to get this person to stop stalking ME!

WE ALL can't control what people do on the internet but I **** sure can control a person going on to the  poetry sites and dating sites that I'm on, pretending to be someone else!

This is so stupid to do and then try to have conversations with me. ... *** don't you think that's sad- that he's almost 50 & doing this?

He's a father of 3 and a grandfather.

He claims he can have any woman he wants,

  THEN why does he stalk me huh?

Go ****** HAVE  her cuz I don't want or need ya !

I hear stalking is more about control , for some  your  their possessions......

Guess rhats why 6 years ago he once told me -I was his property....

From then on I didn't want to be with him & MADE SURE TO get away from him.

THIS AIN'T slavery & my black Puerto Rican  *** don't  belong to nobody but me!

THANKS FOR READING FRIENDS AND LETTING ME VENT!
STILL MY QUESTION IS TELL ME WHY?
WHY ME?  I think he'd **** me if he could find me! Tell me why?

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N

#abuse #hurt #control #stalker #sociopath #psychopath #demented #possessions

Ayeshah Feb 2016

In my dreams

I have no reason to be upset

What I'm feeling really don't need a name!

I crave something that's unobtainable

unbelievable for some just not for me because I believe in fairytales

I believe in magic  & happily ever afters

There's really something in all those princess movies but I like those  heroic love novel's

where she's saving him as he's trying to save her

Those stories where they fight hard for each other & no matter time or space

They'll always find their true desire; Eachother!

I'm not mad
I'm not even upset
Because some day soon
my story will be told  & it'll be a fairytale
Come true

Even if it's only in my dreams

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N

Ayeshah Jan 2016

HE

He laughs at all my corny jokes
I know
I'm not a comedian & still he laughs

He talks to me on so many levels
We really don't even care
what the conversations about

He rubs my pain away
massaging me
until I'm fast of sleep

He's not once put me down,
I see him so completely
different than any of my exes

He cooks for me
after a long day
He makes me my favorites

He opens doors
even pulling
out my chair

He holds me in the mist of my nightmares
never making fun of my mental illness

He doesn't pressure me to be intimate
or
request a ****** relationship
he
knows I'm celibate & respect this

He prays with me
and
he prays for me

He doesn't take me for granted
always a kind word to say
and
never ever has he been
disrespectful

He makes sure all my needs are met
and
he's devoted to my kids

most importantly he does
everything
I've longed for in sometimes
goes above and beyond,

He's quick to protect me
defend my honor
never discussing me to anyone

well
not ever has
he talked bad about me
or in
the negative as others
claiming to love me have

He refuses to be
baited by anyone
where
I'm concerned
and
recent had to make
a
stalker leave me alone
but
what I like the most of
my new friend
is that
He Holds My Hand!

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N

#trust #hope #friendship #romance

Ayeshah Jan 2016

A BROKEN MAN

You had everything you needed

I couldn't give you all you wanted

but
I've made sure you had everything you needed

What went wrong
was so much more than what's seen on the surface

What's going on is way deeper
than a few hurtful words in the mist of arguments.

I can deal with this yet I refuse

I refuse to repeat this dance with someone new

I've passed this test before and I wont take it again

I'm spiritual tired, soul mind and body

I rather not accept anything from you

No more of me compromising
it's draining every single part of me

You
don't care and even though you see and hear
you're really not listening or paying attention
to key details

You throw blame at my insecurities

Yes

I have some but I face them
and no matter what

I know
I'm  pretty **** close to amazing
plus
I'm working on me

I know
I'm mental & emotionally banged up
which is why I have to
STOP

YES give up on US

and
keep praying you'll find your way

I only want and need peace

I'll pray for you but as for me

I'm praying
I
FINALLY
live

Praying
I gain
wisdom and understanding

Because

I've tried

I really did

but

I've known

even as

I've
come to realize

the truth

too late

That
it is possible
for
me to love

but

not always help

*A Broken Man

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
#love #fear #life #death #spiritual #birth

#love #broken #prayer #heart #abuse #faith #hurt #insecurities #deceiption

Ayeshah Jan 2016

HOLD MY HAND

I have these feeling
nagging me

Weighting me down

I can't explain it to you

No one can know
cuz
they won't understand
can't
comprehend

I know we're born to die

Live for it in fact
but
it's been consuming me

Every single night
since
December  01 2015

I've felt this foreboding
soul
crushing
feeling
which leaves me in tears

These thoughts
aren't my own

Guess
I'm  not use to really being
alone

On my own

yearning for something
but my heart says
Death isn't it

I've tried to shake it off
ignore it
even face it

Truth of the matter is
I'm living in fear

I don't fear much else
just the thought of
life moving on
without me

Thoughts of
My family and children
thinking of me
fondly
and
still living their
life
With out me here

****
I don't want to be a memory

I want to be
here
Laughing or crying
feeling all life has
good or bad

I don't know what happens
once we're gone from Earth

Some say heavens for real

Yeah yet

Maybe

Maybe that's my fear
that  maybe
I've done so much wrong

I'm not going
but as
I've said and always will say

I was born alone
I'll die alone
Still
it'd be
so wonderful
to have some one
there
just to
*Hold my hand!

#love #fear #life #death #spiritual #birth