Atop a quilt
beneath  an oak

gauze dress
a pillow.

Hair a muss
Scent of rye;

no camera
only memory.

It is hard to say father;
the thought of you stumbles through me when I see
a Gerber baby food jar or a wooden pop crate.
Once you came to mind when I saw a Polish flag
on TV; that is humorous because
the only Pole I know is a pale man at the gym
whose left eye is shaped like a rotten pear.
Do you still burn your fingers when you
fall asleep smoking in a recliner?  I hope
you still do not trim your fingernails while
sitting on the toilet stool; that seems so un-American.
Today is your eighty-fourth birthday;
I hope wherever you are you do not think of me.

Finding value in material wealth...
when the only wealth you needed was my abundance of love,
baked in warm buttery homemade cookies,
rose petals shedding all over the kitchen table, one by one, your fragrance lingers as I struggle to catch my breath,
you struggling to say you love me, but you show me instead through deeds you did,
letters you sent,
food you prepared for us,
wine and liquor that you poured down my willing throat.
I'm struggling to breathe and I almost feel you.
Forbidden to touch you, but I know that feeling...
as if all too well, your fragrance lingers.
Miles and miles between,
I can hear the warm fireplace crackle, see the salty-snow covered ground,
your melodic carefree laughter turns to a beleaguered hungry stare, fixating on your prey...
You only feast when you feel like it.

Attraction

Eyes lock, souls intertwine, worship like a shrine.

Bubbling, effervescent youth - flirtation to finality.

Eagerness to cultivate, move to the next occasion.


Repulsion

Slow demise, one could only surmise - it's time to let go.

But peculiarities, they become extraordinary.

Take you as you are.


Endurance

Long-lasting, soul enhancing.

Moments like these, quintessence of eternal.

Utterances of love are immortal.


Acceptance

Unwavering faith and trust, passionate conviction.

Any cacophony of doubt, silenced.

Take me in, fully.


Synergy**

Two brilliant bright lights intertwine.

Illumination.

Status is divine.

Convoluted and contrived,

derived from the smallest transgression;

you believe you became my possession.


This is hard to bare, this mark...

a drama in which virtues and vices embark.

A senseless obsession,

propelled by

accepting divine presence to: "give all to love, obey thy heart."


Projecting bad relationships onto me, instead you leave:

leaving me faceless in your mind, without identity.

With your fabricated fears of the possibilities of infidelity,

widening the already literal gap - no empathy.

A single text to end it all - sufficed in your mind.

Possessions sometimes get thrown out without explanation.

It feels like history is repeating itself.


When words with meaning fall short of what I mean to say,

it's like the delivery of expression is caught between two chasms far apart.

Like two separate languages, two foreign tongues.


*These chasms are too great, too far apart.

Him: I will gaze into the deep blue

Drowning in the infinite passion

of your oceanic eyes

Swallow me whole mistress of my dreams


Her: Waves rolling, sending me reeling,

unraveling, no inhibition, just desire for you


Him: Desire drives my heartbeat

Her: Sunlit, synthesize make us complete

Him: Closely resonating thumps

Her: Shivers and jumps

Him: Breaths taken together

Her: You hold me tethered

Him: Alignment of the soul

Her: I take control

Him: I bring myself into you

Her: Long overdue

Him: Clasp

Her: Gasp

Him: Arms around an arched back

Her: Loosing track

Him: I hold you down

Her: Drown

Him: I hold you close

Seven years ago, I knew you.

Present day, now I don't.

Gaps in time.

Never retrievable, unbelievable

nearly how much passes by.  


But here we are, so transfixed again.

Seven years later, and yet,

it doesn't seem to matter.

Feelings rise back like the sun rises in the east.

Simple, yet meaningful chatter.


We met in our youth,

whimsically and pure.

Two young souls, we lust;

in a splendidly serendipitous summer.


We met again without intention,

without mention of something greater: fate.

Memories of you wash over me, your name resurfaces.

Hypnotized by the pull, you reach out for me.


We truly met in adulthood,

filled with newfound awareness.

Two souls, we fell in love;

laughing about silly arbitrary things

like swiss miss hot chocolate,

bonobos, salad dressing and coated spinach. (I want whip)

Sharing stories of our crazy college days;

Together, getting caught with our clothes off,

to watching love birds in a courting ritual.

Recalling conversations - "what about a mastodon?"

through intense concentration.

Walking along the unsalted deep blue,

I wish we could have stood there forever,

side by side, hand in hand...


We couldn't of course, not pragmatic;

the bitter cold became problematic.

Gusts of frustrating winds, a hail of bullets.

Misty eyes and whirlwind romance.


I reached back too far, arched and overextended.

Agreements altered and amended.

Haunting words of imperfection,

and collection of unretrievable memories.


We met in our youth,

whimsically and pure.

Two souls, we lust;

Seven years, I'll see you later.

No. I have no terror I will avenge you.
You say karma will but I'm not waitin' on it. Besides I'm not afriad to.

You were my eyes when the fog I couldn't see through.
Tell me now. And tell me the the whole truth. Did he harm you?

No. I've never been here before. But you I will do it for. If I don't stop him he will try and do it more.

Ohhhh. Ohhhhh. Ohhhhh.
Noooo. Noooooo. Nooooo.
No. He won't do it no more.


My sweet friend. I promise he wont
do it again.


My pleasure was inside his pain. I took retaliation in your name.

I'm the champion. I'm your defender. I will be your watcher...your preserver.
It was easy. ***** threw his hands up. Tried to surrender. But that didn't work...was already over.

You said that he harmed you.
Ohhhh. Noooo. Noooooooooo.
He won't do it no more.




-Jennifer DeAngelo
Copyrighted 2016