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 Mar 2016 Aron L Garchitorena
M
I quietly awaken from a metallic misty slumber.
My head pounding, I roll over. Expecting to feel the scratchy bed sheets I had fallen asleep on, I feel a sudden fear, because I am falling.
Falling into a strange darkness. Deep black hues sitting around me as I plunge down.
I look and seem scared, but I secretly feel excitement pumping through my veins.
Stale, stabilized air, swims around me.
I now realize that I have been on the ground for quite a while.
No sound-No light.
I search around for answers, but while laying there
not paralyzed-but fearful to be where I am.
where am I?
An electric hum circulates throughout the lonely area.
I roll over and cry.
The world is so far away from me...have I left the world?
Cold and alone. Alone and scared.
A faint far away light shines behind me.
Revealing the area to be a total nothingness. As if I were floating in a pitch black continuous space.
I stand up and slowly turn towards the light.
My heart stops. I loose every ounce of sweet air breathing through my lungs. An electric zing stings my every nerve. My brain screams in confinement-as if it no longer can control my body.
I slowly feel my blood flow throughout my body.
My heart beat is so loud-echoing throughout this hollowed out infinite area.
I see you. A shining light. Radiating warmth and light. Reflecting electricity off of everything and nothing.
Absorbing every ounce of life. But in a joyful exciting way.
Mesmerizing. Without thought I feel a compelling feeling that it is ok to move towards you.
I glance down at my skin-which seems to be a very pale and lifeless gray. My fingernails slightly purple.
Your skin glows with sunshine and life, while mine is a piece of lonely death. Your eyes deep and alluring, while mine forever fade into oblivion.
I walk towards you. Feeling a happiness fuel up my soul. Turning my aura a warming peach.
You are alluring and intelligent.
I get close and reach out my warming pale hand.
You reach out in amusement, allowing our fingers to touch.
I get electrocuted with life. I become bright-glowing-alive.
I feel no more pain. I feel simple happiness. Excitement that only comes from exploring uncharted territory.
I feel sunshine flow through my veins.
But you look away and smile.
Distracted.
Your hand lowers away while mine is still reaching out.
I fade to a glowing hue of serene pink.
A feeling of longing rushes over me.
I look over to where your attention lays.
Another beautiful light swings this way.
You waltz off calmly with the other lovely brim of light.
Still amazed, I just watch. Crying inside-but too afraid to show it. Fading away inside- but shining on the outside.
I watch your light's float away wishfully in a pool of happiness.
While I sit and watch in a whirlpool of lonely longing.
I realize that I cannot find my way out.
You love her, but she is in love with someone else. You love him, but he is in love with someone else. Does it end? Does anyone love each other back?
Icicle heart

I can't tell if it's cold outside
Or
I'm froze inside.
Icicle heart,
melts to raise the sea levels,
Then we drown in tears,
defeated by fears,
we see Devils,
The water is clear,
but crimson cold.
Your
cool calm and collected,
so level headed,
After all this years,
It's the apathy you feel
that makes fools of us.
Now there's swimming pools of regrets,
when
Icicles melt.
A cologne of shame,
pungent in the air,
carried by breath,
to pollenate the common class,
this
Icicle heart,
can never last
at least without
changing state
as
the landscape moves like a bad mood,
but the worst has passed,
and we backtrack.

Scrap that,

Take me back to the start,
Dinosaurs,
reptilian nature,
evolutions mistake,
Are you down for me and
My icicle heart,
melts into the stream,
and down the river it seems
an estuary divides us,
as we reach the sea,
impeach beliefs,
and the buoyant
keeps
my
icicle heart,
afloat,

I hope you feel me.

and
however it may seem,
you were nothing less
than a  dream,
nothing more than a
drop in the ocean to me,
and
my
cold cold icicle heart.
Ben Howard influenced.
ever so lightly he lays a finger on my lips and tells me to stay quiet. he tells me that his body pressed on top of mine is what God would have wanted, he tells me that my little girl face is so sweet like a scoop of vanilla ice cream, I have no flaws yet, but he had a spoon.
'no' can't resonate from my lungs when I barely know my left and rights and my ups and downs.
lying down in an office, the therapist gives me a stress ball that has the world painted on it. our snacks are light but the subjects are not, I tune out the sessions but I hear a question out of the blur, "do you remember what he did?" I squeezed the voodoo stress ball so tightly my world starts spinning, -I reply- he taught me to keep my silver wear drawers SHUT. I'm five years old again and I don't know my lefts or my rights or my ups or my downs. Life is not a box of chocolates it's a bowl of melting dairy.
-I'm grounded- for lying. two weeks in my room and they take my blankets; that's what the doctors told them to do. While I shiver in the night all alone, I'll think about what I did wrong. We are so disappointed in you Savannah.
Im starting to feel less vanilla and more... rocky road. I'm to be seen and not heard. I have two ears and one mouth and I am to be using them in that proportion.
I've gotten so used to hospital socks and cold spoons and the mindset of 'you're the problem' and 'boys will be boys'
Later in life I'll get to tell him that I no longer have a vanilla scoop for a face, I have bags under my eyes and tobacco in my teeth, the only thing sweet about me is this menthol flavor in my mouth. I fixate on anything other than speaking so that the world can't hear what I have to say, even if the law believed me, even if my friends believed me, even if our parents believed me, a prison cell could never hold you.
be strong enough to say no
On cloudless moonlit nights
When the world is silver and darkest blue
And silence seems to reign supreme
If you stretch your hearing inwards
You will hear the distant moans
Of long lost lonely dreams
Homeless and obsolete
Fading away
To become endless shadows

                                           By Phil Roberts
I am thinking of you.
Are you thinking too?
Every night before going to sleep.
I am dreaming you all time.
I am feeling you every part of my body.
I am finding you in the crowd,
My eyes want to see you
I can not prevent to do.
You are a passion for me,
But never ends in the end.
Knowing the impossibility
I am continuing to love you.
Even if I can't get to you.
And the way I am.
My life just consisted of you.
I love you so much,
I can not resist to do it.
Love isn’t all the Hollywood romanticism,
Love isn’t just the words I love you.
When you love someone,
You’d do anything for their well-being,
Even if they don’t like it,
When you love someone,
You’d give up something for yourself,
To get something for them,
When you love someone,
You’d hold their hair back when they throw up,
And you’d stay still when they’re asleep in your arms,
But you’d also flush their stash if they keep using,
You’d put them into rehab and help them get clean,
You’d make sure that you’re always there,
But you’d bow out, when they no longer need you.
When you love someone,
It’s all about them, never about you.
Original work by Tasa Jalbert. Copyright 2016
One day they're going to forget about you.
They're going to move on.
One day they're going to disappear.
They're going to be long gone.

One day they're going to be with someone else.
They're going to start a family.
One day they're going to have everything.
They're going to be happy.

One day they're going to sit and think.
They're going to be listening to music in their car.
One day they're going to hear your favorite song.
They're going to wonder where you are.

One day they're going to see that the lyrics finally make sense.
They're going to think they should have noticed before.
One day they're going to see the connection.
They're going to realize you're the one they're meant for.

One day they're going to have sadness growing in their hearts.
They're going to try and blame fate.
One day they're going to feel the pain.
They're going to be already far too late.
The more you do for people
The less they appreciate you.
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