My life changed forever in the moment that later would define me.
That moment haunted me when I realized what had happened.
It happened, I know.
It's not my fault though.
I should have said no.
No, wasn't in my mind when the moment happened.
After I knew it was wrong.
I kept his secret and he kept mine.
Sometimes, I would hope someone would realize.
I hoped someone would tell me that this moment was not ok.
That I did nothing wrong, even though I felt ok in the moment in a way.
Why did this moment happen?

When he looked into her eyes, his eyes were soft.
I could only see love in his eyes.
Even if he had only looked at her for a moment, I could tell that he loved her.
She was sleeping.
It was sweet, even if she wasn't awake and she would never know this moment happened.
He knew he had looked into her eyes, he knew he loved her.
These moments are the moments that are the most sweet, these are the moments that keep them going, that keep them together.

Each word
'curls'
around my heart
like smoke shaped, teasing
wispy fingers

I don't see it ..
               or feel it ..

                     but then my heart begins to tell me.

It moans
                and creaks

                             demanding that I listen.

I can't ignore it now
                            as it hurts.

I lay my hand upon my wounded chest
                               telling my heart,
                                            reminding it

   that we cannot feel this way
                                        
                    ­                          not today ..

                                                      not tomorrow.


                 My heart calms ..

                                     for now

        

                           but I know that it won't be for long.

The multi-colored cat is sitting in the window.
It's looking out the window, curiously looking at the outside world.
The sun is going down.
The light is shinning on his fur.
The cat seems happy, he seems content in this home.
He will grow old looking out this window.
He has a home forever where he will be loved.
He will be loved, that's all he wants.

Struggling with this mind block.
Wasting my time staring at the clock..
Waiting for you to destroy that block.
That wall that's in front of the both of us, blocks the beautiful view, and yes I mean you.
With that wall in front of the both of us,
I see nothing but a dark view.

Am I in a dark room?
Or is it just my life without you?

I've been afraid of the dark since the day I've been out.
That's why I paint to make my world full of colorful lights.
But how can I paint when I got no paint?

Since the day you built that wall.. All I see is dark holes.
Empty..
Just like my soul.
So paint will you come back, and hold me to stop the pain?
I'm just here trying my best to climb that tall wall, waiting for your call before I fall..
I don't even know anymore who's stronger anymore.. Me the lion or that dark shark that's standing still..
Hard to climb..
Hard to leave behind.
I'll stop with the knocking and just sit there on that bench waiting for you to climb up and help me get through.

Hard to breathe cause you already took my lungs..
And it's hard to keep punching when you already feel the weakness in your knuckles from the first punch..

She is moonbeams
And dappled sunlight
Renewal and
New beginnings
Gracing the land
With fragrant blossoms
Buzzing bees
And dandelion flurries
As children play
In Spring’s garden
Blowing happy bubbles
And laughter floats
Touching the heart and soul
She is Mistress of Spring

Kelly Rose
© April 1, 2017

Where does hierarchy begin?
    Is it where the strong is on top,
and the weak step upon?

Where does your dignity be placed?
   Is it where your always be the winner,
no matter what, even it has bitter taste.

Is SURVIVAL really that cruel?
That some of us are just a tool,
a fool for the strong to be cool.

No, it can't be that bad
yet reality is quite sad.

Despite our hard beginnings
Life still is beautiful
that losing isn't everything.

Dignity is placed -
where you respect yourself the most
and Hierarchy isn't important
to where your love is...

© Pax