do you still stay up all night
do you still wonder of all the things that we could have been
do you still wish there was room to fix what went wrong

do you stay up counting dandelions
do you still find it hard to fall asleep when the rain hits the roof
do you still think of all the things that went wrong

do you still think of all the things that could have gone right
do you still write

because everytime i do

*i think of you

I know about the necklace.
How you re-gifted a leftover reject present
from a buddy who mentioned it the day before,
and I know about Lyndsey and the book of YOUR
favorite poems you bought for ME. I know you call me baby,
but I also know that I’m not the only one.
You demanded a certain elegance
that I always thought I carried, but really
I was just a bag of apologies
for simply existing in the same space that you were.
You know the night that I got drunk on cranberry and *****,
called you twice, and cried into a box of homemade
chocolate chip cookies? That wasn't the first time
I sat at your chair in your sweatpants
waiting for you to return from wherever
you said you weren't. I know about what you've done.
But, of course, as you so eagerly expected,
you’ll come in with a sigh and sleek smile,
and I’ll unclothe myself as I talk about
every detail of my day even though I know
you never bother to listen. I’ll lay naked
in your bed as you cradle what you believe
is your biggest mistake, while I silently hope
that faked ignorance can mask the reality
of how beautiful I should be and how ugly
I never wanted to admit you were.

She used to be happy, emitting joy,
She used to be friends with everybody,
She was the flame that the moths would fly to
She was the spark that changed it all.

But the flame has long died out,
The joy has vanished.
The words that were spoken cut her like a knife,
It took away her innocence, joy and almost her life.

She’s falling, falling oh so deep
Into darkness that you put in her world,
A world that she didn’t know existed
Until that day.

Oh darling, she’s gone now. Don’t you dare weep,
She’s here isn’t she…just in a deep deep sleep.

Every person that we meet
teaches something to us,
whether it's to be more happy,
or to be careful with who we trust.
They reinforce us with things we already
know, but don't think about all the time.
With them, we learn more about ourselves,
and we are who we are because of the
people we encounter.

i've tried to give myself every warning
i've planted signs and grown a lighthouse
but im standing too close to the rocks
(its not that i can't see them,
its just that i don't care)
and i'm going to slip and fall
and im going to break an arm
leg and all my ribs
just to go swimming in my heart
just to let go of my caution-tape mind
so im going to sew my thighs and calves
so i can dive far beyond the crashing waves
where i could find my courage to speak
to whoever this is who has murdered me
to whoever this is who is smiling at me

I live with an altered state of mind
sometimes I believe that I believe in something
but there is nothing that I can honestly define
and I am beginning to wonder why I even try
wind chimes ding in my head
blending like a flock of birds being fed
I am bleeding internally in my legs
and the burning sensation is becoming addicting
afflicting pain on yourself is a symptom
of constant wishful thinking
not seeing the difference between
what is real and what is reality
what is true and what is a fallacy