Stewie

Stewie Apr 2021

My heart is open like a book
Feelings flooding out into my bloodstream
Hurt caught in my throat, makes me choke
Strained eyes to hold back tears
Skin so hot with pins and needles
Will you ever understand?

Why do people encourage you to be vulnerable?

#vulnerable #alone

Stewie Apr 2021

Tuesday Night

I punish myself because I deserve it.
To feel pain is to feel alive.
Attracting the heartbreak.
A magnet for hurt.
What do you love?
A cut so small
Disguised as accidents.
Bruised thighs and getting high.
Tuesday night.

So high I can fly.

#dreams #sad #peace #harm

Stewie Apr 2021

Untitled

Can I ever make a decision?
The answer dances on my tongue
Behind my teeth.
Pursed lips and blank eyes.
To dissociate with reality is surely bliss.
I know who I am in my own head.
Out there is a population of mindless sheep.
Tell me it’s time to wake up.
I hear your whisper in my ear.

But if only a dream

#dissociation #reality

Stewie Apr 2021

Wasted Years

In a sudden whirlwind of emotion
I have to catch my breath.
My heart skips a beat and death is near.
A constant reflection of my mental state.
Unattainable.
Unlikeable.
Moody.
Despair.
Searching for home in random eyes.
Help me escape the world I’ve come to know.
I don’t live here anymore.

We are so old.

#anxiety #mentalhealth

Stewie Apr 2021

To be me

The push and pull
The ebb and flow of my life
The tide pulls away my mask
The personality of someone I once knew
I’m not who I was
Constantly changing and floating with the wind
Aloof and unattached
Waiting for someone to grab my arm
To keep my grounded

#sadness #mood #afloat

Stewie May 2020

Xanny

That night after you dumped me on the phone
I couldn’t stop crying.
My sister gave me a Xanax and my parents took us to Golden Corral.
I turned numb.
Now after 10 years later
You want to reconcile.

No.

Don’t go back to an ex.

#liar #cheater #manipulative #love #abuse

Stewie May 2020

Got Questions?

Sometimes I feel as if no one will understand me.

I am complex. I am me.

#complex #different #anxiety #depression