I put all my faith in the good I thought I saw in you
I ignored those who truly loved me
Those who knew you would destroy the best in me
I foolishly gave you my trust
I defended you until I was blue in the face
I killed myself wasting my last breath on you
All your fears come true,
you were just there in lieu.
A body to warm his bed,
a soundboard to ease his head.
You always were a placeholder,
again forced to grow colder.
Soon there will be nothing there,
no words or love to show you care
I actually can’t do this anymore. Sorry it was you I had to cut out but I can’t do this again.
Everyday at three fifteen you appear in my thoughts.
Routine urges me to reach out to you.
But by three sixteen I remember why I won’t,
you aren’t worth my time.
Letting go of some of the toxic things in my life.
One day I’ll stop pausing my life for you.
I’ll let it play out the way it was meant to.
No longer a main character,
you’ll become an extra in my tale.
I’m obsessed with movies
This song mixed with that scent,
the final blow.
What was already cracked,
is now destroyed.
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
Is off-brand raisin bran
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die
Is packed to the brim with
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"
They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
I become frost bitten responding to your words.
My limbs grow numb at the same time as my mind.
My hands grow cold at the same time as my heart.
My fingers turn black at the same time as my soul.