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Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2022
I long to be happy again
About time mouth found a smile
Used to have joy
Where did it go?
Have not seen it around for awhile
I write my problems
Have faded to grey
Everything surrounding darker now
Universe in disarray
True creation from sadness
See beauty all around
Dive forward
Can't touch it
Faceplant into the ground
I cry
Love slips out of reach
Won't you come back home?
Happy ending crumbles to dust
Where I aimlessly roam
I want to travel someplace unscathed
The past behind my thoughts
Bottle up
Throw out to sea
All the 'could-haves' and 'did-nots'
Maybe the world would look vibrant once more
These holes in my heart would be filled
Sparkles might return to my eyes
Sorrows would fall off a cliff and be killed
I'm certain that will never happen
Wounds only get deeper
Weight I carry is too heavy
The hill I'm climbing grows steeper
I fear death will be only chance
To discover peace desperately craved
And pure tranquility
Wonder what else waits beyond the grave
I do not pray for divine intervention
There is nobody in control up above
Each are our own higher power
Feel our faith bound to love
So sigh and try to be patient
I am pretending to do well
A state of permanent limbo
Nobody can tell
Can keep up this act forever
Takes great effort to maintain
Composing careful facade
Slowly driving me insane
I know contentment possible to get
Need to figure out how
Came so easily before
Why can't I achieve bliss now?
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2022
I saw truth plain as day
Knew I did not mean much
Didn't possess the sense to leave
Desperate to experience your touch
Now you are running away from me
Too cowardly to say goodbye
I am left looking like a **** fool
Just another passerby
Your silence says it all
Want nothing more to do with me
After effort I put forth
Cast me aside like worthless debris
Now true colors are revealed
I caught a glimpse of them before
Gave another chance because
Believed you were capable of more
I worked hard to be somebody you wanted
To improve my imperfections
Did little things to make you smile
Hoping to avoid rejection
Only for actions to be in vain
I am still all alone
Changes made were a stupid waste
If only I would have known
You were just biding time
Til better opportunity came along
May not have been Mr. Right
The way you treated me wrong
I was fine keeping us the way we were
Simply wanted to clarify where we stood
I asked if this was a relationship
Maybe I misunderstood
And even when you lied to me
Disloyalty breaking trust
Still forgave all your mistakes
Until emotions were stomped into dust
I was ready to settle for bare minimum
As long as I could hold you close
Warm sensation was enough
Even if I wasn't what you desired the most
But despite being tolerant and understanding
Still decided to shut me out
After sharply slapped in the face
Finally realize I'm better without
Should never have waited around for you
Because I enjoyed your caress
Deserve so much better than that
I've learned I'd rather be lonely than settle for less
That was a hard lesson to learn
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2022
I'm angry with you
I am sure you don't care
If these words were spoken I'd be wasting my air
My feelings not even an afterthought in your brain
You are too selfish to consider my pain
:/
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2022
I suppose right and wrong are not black and white
Someone's dark is another's light
Villians inside each and every one of us
Across country and next to you on the bus
Cause spent so much time judging all imperfections
Fail to acknowledge our own flawed reflection
If re-evaluating our actions instead
Of criticizing peers and words that they said
Perhaps could improve our own state of mind
The emotional tendencies to which we are inclined
Escape box of expectations we foolishly inhabit
It's challenging because we are creatures of habit
Every person has been tainted by transgressions
So who are we to stigmatize surrounding indescretions?
Because all inflict suffering upon some heart
Nobody exempt from playing that part
We could not really abstain if we tried
No matter our decision
Leaves SOMEONE unsatisfied
The sooner we face truth and realize what we are
Sooner we can forgive who's responsible for our scar
It is impossible pleasing everybody all the time
We take turns being the victim then commiting crime
Besides
Good and evil defined differently among men
All behave like monsters now and then
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2022
Sunrise brings realization that you are really gone
Amidst the golden beams poured onto my lawn
Morning sky wide with opportunity blue
All I'm able to focus on is you
Taking time to change your mind
The veil of denial rendering me blind
You notice me when it's required
Games have made me so ******* tired
Rays of sunshine warmly fall onto my cheeks
Have not worn an authentic smile in over three weeks
The birds sing a cheerful serenade
Their musical voices to my ears all but fade
You block any memory remaining here
Would be happier if all trace of me disappeared
Will hear your compliments if there's something you need
Motives hidden between your lines aren't hard to read
Sunset floods fire
Room filled with a glow
Goodnight said to secrets you alone will only know
Footprints on my heart because you tread upon my chest
Stomping the vulnerable parts you once caressed
You do not observe scars you left on my skin
You're too selfish
Subconsciously rubbing it in
The space you once occupied is now vacant and cold
Chasm of darkness is all it seems to hold
Blackness comes creeping as the light goes down
Relieved night cloaks my visible frown
Swallowing earth but it sticks in my throat
When it does finally reach my stomach I bloat
Bites I choked down churn in my gut
Tempted to *****
I keep my mouth shut
And fill the gaps in your life with cheap connections
Lost
Fool yourself by picking random directions
I suspect eyes will not sparkle for long
You with someone else just has to be wrong
Reality is not black and white
In fact colors are brighter because I feel grey
Don't understand how you could lose my love and be okay
Now over a year has passed and I've had to finally come to grips with the fact that you're never coming back
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