I had death on my mind before
but this was different
Depression wanted more
My demons belligerent

My mind on this endeavour
Mixed logic in and its making more sense than ever
There is absolutely nothing after death
A thousand thoughts but one last breath.

On life I no longer wish to cling
But death ends everything
Thought or feeling
Or the process of healing

You don't hear or speak lies
You don't feel the pain behind cries
You don't see it in their eyes
You don't feel how time flies
You don't know if towards your wellbeing or demise

You don't have a mood
You don't feel good
You don't mind opinions skewed
You don't care how you're viewed

You don't feel bad
You don't feel sad
You don't feel the loss for what you had
You don't feel love from your mom and dad

You don't get to care for what you hold dear
You don't get to be brave or cower in fear
You don't get to wipe a happy or sad tear
You don't get to chastise or cheer
You don't get to choose, you just disappear

You don't get a choice in the matter
You don't get to worry about the after
You don't get the need for a break, a breather
You don't get regret for dying either...

The day I died
To live I tried
I woke up smiling
Texted my friends good morning
My dad, I hugged
My mom, I kissed
My dog, I pat and my face it licked
We went for a walk
Ended up in the park
Threw a ball, got back a "thank you" bark
Met my friends, had a lot of fun
But then the pain begun
I stop by a tree
Wrote my pain as poetry
This usually saved me

I'm sad
No!...I'm depressed
I'm mad
No!...I'm stressed
There's a heavy pain inside my chest
It's been there for years, it gives me no rest
It's also in my mind
No cure I could find

Tell me why should I keep living?
When all the good,
for a split second meant nothing
And a split second it's all it took
To end my life right where I stood.
That's the day I died...
Even though, to live I tried...

So tomorrow starts without me.
Without the saviour, poetry.

The day after I died
I woke up sad
I couldn't text my friends
I couldn't hug my dad
I couldn't kiss my mom
I couldn't pet my dog
I couldn't throw the ball
I didn't hear a bark, I heard a whimper.
I couldn't meet my friends
I couldn't make them smile

I looked down at my lifeless body
I heard the cries of my loved ones
I tried wiping down their tears to no avail
The day after I killed myself
I didn't **** the pain as well.
I just passed it on...

The day after I killed myself
To bring me back, they tried
I wanted to live
But I had died.

To fly, I wish I could
And hug her, I would
Love is the mood
To hope, I know I should
But that it can't be, we understood.

The impact you can make
You can't even fathom,
It can fix a heartache
Best said at random
How much it can do
It's a simple, I love you.

It only takes...
One...
cut to slowly fade out.

One...
rope to swing your life about.

One...
train to reach the final station.

One...
bullet to stop your concentration.

One...
handful of pills to finally shut down.

One...
step off a building to lay dead on the ground.

One...
jump off a bridge to never be found.

It only takes one thought to pick one way out
And nothing can be done to come back around...

You are maligned
Will power was left behind
Never had it cross your mind
Be all your thoughts combined
Happy, only if confined...