I feel so much,
Say so little,
Why is my courage
Hiding under guilt

I want to shout
& cry & slam & curse
Instead, I shut my rage
Turn them into words

I have kissed boys

Girls

People in between

But lately I have been kissing bottles

Their lips are colder than yours

But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest

Yet as these toxins rush through my veins

I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin

Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me

But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin

While heartache

Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know

Standing in a crowd alone
Thinking, and thinking it is all monotone
No feeling, no hope, no one to care
Waking up to emptiness no one to share
Is a cruel reality, it is true despair
I will seek, I will look but no one is there
My past is present and reveals my fear
Just a soul searching for what, I don’t know
I will sleep and dream, of tomorrow

You can plan for change and prepare
Feel confident, it will all go as planned
Yet when real life happens and the change causes despair  
the pain and emotion is difficult to withstand
The past returns like this overwhelming flood
Permeating all, ruining what was to be
You search for answers from afar and above
Just hoping you will find exactly what you need
But the “need” is impossible to feed
Its apparent you are destined to seek
To look for what never will be
You had it, lost it, that you will see

Bright was the light
Painted on you
When it melted
Shadowy curves
Into the depth
Of your greyness
Soft is the cold
When it tickles
Against your heart
Sharp is the breath
That you engulf
With eyes open
Just then a dream
Stripped your mind
Of its long rest.

Everytime you teach your daughter
With the yell of love;
To be silent,
To be shy ,
To be calm,
To be weak ;
You are making her ,
The prey of a ugly hunted man
Thirsty for her blood.