I woke up one day saying,
"I'm tired"
tired of waiting for you to come back,
tired of loving you know you don't love me anymore,
tired of whispering I miss you so much.
I just realized one day...
that I want to be happy too just like you. With her.
because waiting for you is like wishing to fly in the sky without wings. "Impossible."
Loving you still is too much. No, it's not too much.
It's foolishness.
I can't pretend anymore.
I'm tired of crying every night.
I'm tired of believing myself that you will come back to me anytime.
I'm tired of saying I miss you.
I'm tired of loving you.
I want to be happy too.

You took some time to yourself
And it's time for me to do the same

I'll never get to watch you drown
So there's no sense in sticking around

I could never figure out why I never fit in.
Or why every girl I liked never liked me back.
Or why my dad never loved me.
Or why my mom had to be taken away from me at 17 years old.

There's a lot of things I never understood.

But now, I don't understand why these things are happening to me.
Why do I sit here every day hating myself while everyone else is having the time of their lives?
Why do I sit here every ******* day surrounded by sadness and every one else has happy days like it's the ******* TV show all over again?
Why do I sit here and suffer through so much **** all the while no one bats a ******* eye to it?

All these questions and I'm still hopelessly searching for answers.

But all I need is a savior.
A miracle.

I just need something.

I can't keep being the ugly fat-*** that no girl will ever like.
I can't keep being the manic depressive 19 year old who is paranoid over every little thing.
I can't keep being the shy and awkward guy that has no friends because  he's too afraid, too ashamed, and too much of a loser.
I can't keep watching girl after girl that I have feelings for fall in love with another guy.
I can't keep sitting in my dorm all alone and depressed waiting for something to happen.

Please, please, please.
Just let something good happen for once after a whole 1 year, 3 months, and 16 days of bad.
Of worrying.
Of crying.
Of crippling depression.
Or being alone.

I just need some help.

I just need some answers.

I know won't have a place within her, and sooner or later I'll be just a face she'll lose picturing to memory, a name she'll forget to speak in her reverie.

But I remember her clearly, the every part of her that has become a part of me.

She would be my every red, yellow and green traffic light, and  yet she wouldn't know this; but with her memory in my every turn and stop,

I know I could go places.

You knew I was
innocent.
You saw it as an
opportunity to
use me.
You thought I
was easy, so
it didn't matter
if you hurt me.
You knew I had
feelings for you,
so you used that
to your
advantage.
All I wanted
was to be with you,
but all you wanted
was my body...