missing you used to come and go but now it's that constant feeling behind everything i do and everywhere i go
2. kissing you at certain places in the city was a mistake because they seem to be engraved in my mind with that moment etched into their cobble stones forever
3. when my feet make a run from everything that's in my mind i realise that there's always a hope somewhere you'll be the thing that i run to
4. i want to take back everything i tell you because i never feel like it's adequate enough
5. whenever we talk my brain turns to mush and i'm stuck stumbling over words trying to connect some kind of saying from a string of sounds that come out like i either give too much of a **** or too little
6. whoever invented playing hard to get hasn't met me and my capabilities
7. i've forgotten how you kiss but i remember how i felt and that feeling is all that's stayed with me this long
8. i can't sleep anymore because i'm scared to fall asleep and scared to wake up and i wish you were here because for a while you were the main reason i was motivated to do either
9. metaphors aren't coming as easily as before but maybe that's because my hands have forgotten what it's like to write down anything but i miss you i miss you i miss you
10. seeing everybody in love around me ******* *****
11. bettering  yourself stops being beneficial when you realise no amount of bettering is going to help the situation
12. i don't know what i'm going to do when i see you next because twelve weeks has made me comfortable in your ambiguity and i don't know if i can leave this state of numb

it's so truly amazing that the moments that you love and the moments that you hate
simply go away in a lapse of time and become the scars in your heart that
seem to define you

01:39 on a Wednesday and I realised no, it's not like the way water effortlessly flows down the window shield just to get swept away by the wiper

my love isn't elegant, and there's no point in me pretending to reshape it; think a hurricane, a tsunami, a natural disaster; think beds collapsed under the weight of too much love, think lips so raw blistex wouldn't stand a chance to heal them, think new memories being made everyday so that eventually you stop living in the past because your brain tells you this is it - this is what it was and what it will be [even if just for an hour]

put into context a shade of red somewhere between maroon and magenta and then throw it on a white canvas, see how beautiful it becomes only when it encompasses everything, when it becomes one with that paper holding it up; do not fear my love, please; let me spread around and let me be the one to give you colour, let the bleak melt away

don't let your mind wander to tape because i won't tape any holes I see or scars I run across; I'm not a doctor and never learned to be one

BUT, I will help: I'll be there with your favourite beer, there with neosporin in handy just because I've learned a little sting in the beginning is worth a lifetime of infection, standing there in your favourite shirt and purposefully letting you see that height is just a number and bruises are just colours of memories once lived

01:40 and I think I realised that somewhere in between being a hopeless romantic and being numb I've lost myself, bits scattered in blankets and sheets long laundered after me; I've realised that I don't know what I can and can't give, and I've realised neither does he

here it is: think. think the earth and the moon. think gravitational pull and how the moon is pulled back to the earth if for nothing else because there's some kind of connection it can't control. now think us, and tell me: is it not we're the Galaxy?

i get it* okay? i know that you're tired, and i know that you want to give up, and i know i'm not worth it, and i know i'm causing you pain, and i know that deep down you don't want to be involved with me at all

i get it
my voice is not angelic, and the echoes of midnight tears and heartbreaks reverberate every time i open my mouth to tell you that i'm not okay, and i know that when you look at my face you wonder why someone who sounds so normal can look so drained, how my eyes seem so hollow, how the skin under my eyes has finally began to bloat instead of just caving in because my eyes are tired to keep looking at this reality

i get it and now is not the time for you to act sentimental and tell me through words that are strained and teeth that are clenched, eyes that are empty and hearts that are not full by the love that i've been trying to give, that you're okay and i didn't affect you at all

i know that this is not what you thought it would be and it breaks my heart to know that but i cannot change
you can pull my hand and force me to obey you but i will only go so far, because the inner workings of my mind are too **** strong to ever give up on me even if i'm ruining myself, and you cannot convince me that you will always stay because i know it's not true, and i know i can't support you either

we lean on each other partially until eventually we fall together, confused and depressed, nostalgic about a past that makes five months seem so distant, desiring something more but constantly being unfulfilled, constantly meeting a wall, constantly looking down, constantly not relying on one another, constantly counting down to a memory that is so unstable it won't happen

*i get it, this is it

Here's to those nights that feel too off to be apart of you, but too you to be somebody else's
Here's to the broken dreams and the tears and the "I'll get over him this time"'s
Here's to the silent reminiscing of a mind we cannot control
Here's to all those things they didn't tell you just so you would enjoy growing up
Here's to the times you sprayed on perfume just for him
And here's to the times you would come home and want to scrub every smell that reminded you of him off
Here's a toast to the good times and the bad, to the wasted nights full of wonder, and to the cabinets full of fortunes that never come true

I'm not going to write you a sappy poem about how your squeaky shoes make my heart pitter patter like raindrops when you hear them hit the asphalt outside your window pane because they don't anymore, and I think I'm finally okay with that. Meeting you was exhilarating and it reminded me of the feeling I would get before going onto a roller coaster when my stomach would churn and all sorts of butterflies would make their way from the air I breathed and snuggle into my stomach where they would stay for the whole ride. Maybe I should have known that was a sign. I can't forget the moments where you made my heart beat so fast I was convinced it would pound out of my chest because you were different and I knew this would end better, and I can't forget the times that we would joke around to the point where people thought we were dating because those moments are apart of me and I don't think I regret them anymore. My cheeks are permanently burned by the hot tears that streamed down them when we were together and when we were apart and I don't think I've ever known how to truly feel not good enough until I met you and realized that I'm not who you want but you told me I deserve better and I finally realize that I do. Summer is outside of my window now and it may not be as promising as I wanted it to be but I think it's better than the storms that would freeze my window and it's better than the white that would fall with every time I cried and the raindrops that would pour whenever you told me something new about your new love. I don't know what to do anymore and I think we're probably going to become strangers but regardless you've changed me and I don't regret that and sometimes my heart aches whenever I look at old photos or I see old text messages but I remember that you don't keep your promises and you forget half of what you say and I don't feel as bad when I think about your scent because it's just a coincidence that you have good smelling laundry detergent and squeaky shoes and would stay after with me. I was a convenience when no one else was and I don't know how we happened but we did somehow and in that time frame I managed to slip harder than I ever have before but I'm on my hands again and I'm working my way up to just my feet. Maybe you won't be there to walk by my side, and I think I'm finally okay with that. Maybe my heart will roar like thunder when I see your face again in two months but maybe it will roar for someone else in those two months and will forget the melody it used to beat for you. I used to be torn apart by missing a message from you and I thought I would be physically sick and my knees grew weak when I thought I messed up and all I wanted to do was listen to sad music to the point where my bed remembered the shape of my body, but now I'm happy we don't talk nearly as much, because it's helping me realize I don't need you as much as I thought I did.

I think I'm finally okay.

We sacrifice the things we love for the ones
we love, right?

But why do we do this? Why do we decide to
ignore realities in order to comfort those who
hurt us the most?

Why do we treat the ones we love with the love and
respect that we don't get it in return?

Why do we loves the ones unconditionally who
make us feel the worst about ourselves?

I think I have finally found the culprit, the reason why we cannot let go as easily as we would like, why we romanticize the past, why we look into the mirror and wish we could rewind time. It goes by the name of sentimentality.

A slip of the memory and you're back to where you started from, your thoughts. Granted, thinking the past is better than it was is something even your most esteemed writers are guilty of. But perhaps our problem lies in the fact that we put too much human in humanity, too much sentiment into sentimentality. If we take it drip by drip, instead of one full shot, maybe we can detach ourselves like we've always wanted. But...perhaps not. I cannot look at a single star in my dreams without thinking that it isn't real because I would remember those moments, wouldn't I? And he cannot go a day without looking into the bottom of his glass remembering it was the same one she drank from, the same mirror she looked in, the same bed she slept in.

We cling for words hoping they will be enough but really nothing can ever fill the excessive emotion we put into our hearts, no words, no lyrics, no poems, no Christmas trees, no lights in your room, no fuzzy socks, no cocoa, no snow, not even an airplane ticket. What can help us is love, but what destroys is love, and we get thrown into a backwards whirlpool of thoughts until eventually we become sentimental to either the past, the present, or even the future. We either loath it or we reminisce or we cry but we never, never march up to the things, even the people, that we miss and say "excuse me, you ruined my life." Or, "excuse me, I wish I could erase your memory" or "excuse me" or even "***** you."

If you take the square root of sentimentality, at least in my life, somewhere along the way you will get falling for him, winter storms, and perfume. You'll find me walking down the road thinking that things can not get any better, or can not get any worse. Something tells me I'll find someone else there too, and I'll find summer weather or the leaves in the fall or starbucks drinks or that bar where you two met or a glove that you gave back to her or a text message that began it all. But I think the most important thing I'll get is humanity. Because for everyone walking on that path to sentimentality, they are all human. And we can't change human nature, can we?

have you ever taken a teabag out of water after its stayed there for a while, and it's drenched and soggy and not the same as the way you put it in? when I'm with you it's like that, it's like you're the water and I'm the teabag and I feel so full when I'm with you and I feel like everything I need is in front of me but when you leave I'm left with all the **** I carried to be with you and then some

when I look at the stars I realize that you're in the same city looking at the same ones too, and those were the same ones that were there when I cried and when we kissed and when I realized what it means for someone to find constellations on your body in places never before discovered, in a canvas of a sky that with every touch seems finger painted

god guys, love ******* *****, it's like a sour sweet candy but you taste the sour when you're away from them and the sweet when you're together and all the while you're wondering what candy they're having and if they ever turn back to sweet when you're apart or if they taste sour the whole way too and thoughts like that ****

it's like your old childhood blanket when you didn't want it to go in the washer and so your mom had to take it from you when you were asleep, but in this case it's a real tangible person who knows your secrets and the way to access all of you wholly completely and utterly and it's someone you can't handle being away from even when you see them hours before

they say that the affect of love on the body activates the same chemicals as ******* does and maybe that explains a lot about how I feel because addicted doesn't begin to describe it and i guess what I need is validation but I can't even validate my own actions let alone yours

I hope that I will see your lips, I hope we'll hug again, I hope you won't become a dream, and I hope that I'll learn to live even without you three miles away

It's 5 o'clock and my world seems bleak once again, surrounded by the same ecompassing shade of remorse that it was last year

It's five oclock and I think I've remembered the art of despising myself but most importantly someone else too because sometimes I forget good enough isn't possible

It's five o'clock and the shadows surrounding my room are that familiar kind of inviting - the kind that doesn't need make up and cheekbones and ediquette and good grades

It's five o'clock and I just want a ******* break for once in my life

1.) I wanted things to work out between us
2.) Even though they didn't that doesn't mean I don't think about how soft your lips were the first time we kissed
3.) I tried to replace you but ended up getting hurt again
4.) I need to stop falling for rock n' roll loving nicotine addicts
5.) No matter how many knee high socks for confidence I wear I always seem to choose the wrong people
6.) I stopped being sure in my judgement a long, long time ago
7.) I could see myself falling so madly in love with you and your laugh, so in love with the way your hair looks in the morning
8.) My body remembers things far longer than my eyes ever will and no amount of touching will replace your fingers on my skin
9.) I've lost myself in an abyss of emotions that only come too fast and stay too long
10.) I want to say I'm learning but I feel like I'm stuck in the tar, covered in black and lifeless

and honey i hope my name has left a scar on your tongue,
my skin a rash on your fingers,
my voice an unforgotten melody in your head,
and my love a softened place in your heart

god i ******* miss it

i miss the hole in your jeans on your right thigh that always had your hair sticking out as if beneath the surface was some kind of animal

i miss the smell of cigarettes and the way you smoked like it was going out of fashion and the smell of your fancy cologne on nights when i was constantly close enough to taste every single cell in your body over and over again

i miss the way you would look at me with your eyes, a way that was filled with first desire, then hunger, then greed, and finally, love

i miss the unsaid things, the way you would call me beautiful because love is too hard of a word for you but you were okay with taking baby steps to slowly let down a guard that had been built since the day we started talking - the day she broke your heart the first time

i miss you, i miss the way my powder would stay on your black shirt after i hugged you so hard for so long that i was convinced i would break you, i miss the way you would grab my hand first slowly then more abrupt until finally you let the fear go and my timidness flee, i miss the way my cheeks would burn red hot when i saw you because i was shy, and i miss the way you would put your finger on the lighter and light that white candle you had because in a room full of sin we had to light innocence

it was simple with you

it was simple with you at the beginning but the further we got into this the more my poems included maybe's in them

I told you im afraid of thunderstorms but the worst are when you're not here and I'm alone staring at a screen that causes what feels like a bucket of bitter salt water to come pouring down my cheeks only to remind me how human I am and how impossible to save from the things I fear most

Maybe you're here to teach me a lesson on love even when I thought I had learned them all but if that's the case I want to be left alone now because I don't have a warning alarm and I feel like I'll drown soon

Lifeboats are unnecessary but maybe next time you could bring something other than a rope that I keep cutting my hands on because all I do is hold on and on and on and on until eventually my skin cracks and no lotions can help it anymore

You can't keep giving me mountains of ambiguity because my rivers don't work well with them and eventually you'll cause a drought that perpetuates long past the end of this relationship and long past the end of maybe's

you may not be his sunshine, but she could never be his moon

just like that the words entered the screen through my mind as if my fingertips were playing the dance of death and instead of me being able to meet the grim reaper i was ready to meet the end of this relationship with a weak mind and feeble heart

you see, my love is nuclear and the minute you try to touch it you will see sparks flying everywhere because boy this **** kills people by the hundreds, my motivation is your lips but my saliva is uranium and months after i leave you'll need to go in for that x-ray because your lungs will be on fire from my saliva and the countless cigarettes you've smoked

you want me to stop then fine i'll stop but just know that when i resort to being something other than kind to you you will learn the ******* definition of being radioactive

the purgatory my ambiguity chains me in is enough to bury me alive

battlefield after battlefield trying to fight through a screen with words that are so sharp they could pierce a bullet proof vest and shoot a man's heart dead, remember when we used to argue about things like who takes more sugar instead?

running away from problems like my shoes can afford to do that, like my feet have memorised the feelings of stones beating against them, like my body has learned the rhythm of something other than how it reacts when it's against yours, really I'm lying to myself in a drawn out way because somewhere I heard a slower death gives you time to appreciate life a bit more

blame falling on he who cares the most, they taught me to love was a weapon and how was I supposed to know that it could truly **** what was there, living in the cold spaces and silence between us when we were lying in the bed and I couldn't imagine my life any different

everything happens for a reason but reasons aren't given for everything; I'm sorry but I just can't accept an end built on only atoms and empty screens

1.) I led  him on
2.) if you saw us together you would think we were dating
3.) at one point I wanted to kiss him
4.) at another point I didn't
5.) we held hands the second day
6.) I remember shopping with him
7.) I also remember crying in his car
8.) I cried when I heard his voice
9.) he gives the best hugs I've ever had
10.) I'm scared of commitment
11.) he's now moved and I don't know how I feel
12.) I'm so torn emotionally
13.) this is turning into a jumble of sentences and words that mean nothing
14.) I've always hated attention
15.) this is the same year I've cried in front of more people than I have in my lifetime
16.) I can feel us growing apart
17.) but I will always love you, always

He's the second one I've truly hurt and I realized now that I burn

I used to think that maybe it was them but it's really me who when touched charcoals their skin and makes them turn to ash

They don't want anything to do with me because I'm not like the others - I'm a light burning hotter than 98.7 and the shades of orange and blue and yellow fill my body so when they ask me to speak all that comes out is fire

My words sizzle on their skin and they turn away because no amount of water is going to spark out this flame

there's something about the idea of sitting down with him and a glass of red wine that he cherishes so much that really appeals to you, something about listening to call it fate call it karma and joking about the irrelevancy of individual objects in this mass world that makes you want to message him immediately

the truth is, you need him because you need someone to save you when you have realised at about 3 am on your way to see him this morning that you are no longer a person to rely on to be there for you emotionally - you're your own bad influence, you're your own a.m. thoughts and bad decisions

the truth is, you wish you were still drunk enough to tell him that he should date you instead; you wish you were drunk enough to kiss him, drunk enough to play with his tie when he kept fidgeting with it, drunk enough to tell him that he's full of **** and you love it

you wish you were sober enough to forget about everything that has happened and get off that feeling knowing somebody told you that you'd be in their head, because your situations have never been perfect and this hurricane is making its way towards your heart faster than you anticipated and this time you don't want to drown in the raindrops of lost desire and empty words

there's something there, something about the two silver rings, one on each hand; something about the way his hair slicks back, about how he wears his glasses and how excited he gets to show you what he can play on piano; there's something there about the touch, about the electrifying feeling of holding his tired hands, and about the way you can tease him and he still takes it, about the way he assumes things but you do too and then you both admit your faults, about the way he tells you to smile more because a smile suits you and that thinking too much can be a serial killer

there's something there, but it's too far away to be understood - too far away to be felt, too far away to be loved

your drunken mind assumes it's utopia, but your sober mind concludes it's hell

they say no amount of alcohol can drown the pain but I've learned that when I'm with you and I'm ready to mourn the loss of what once was three glasses of red wine are enough to make my head spin and make me forget about the memories that once seemed irreplaceable

everytime you're late I turn on the same song and the same tears burn my cheeks, I'm surprised scarring hasn't happened by now because you've been late so many times that I've lost track and the result is constant pain

I wanted this to be a fairytale love, to be midnight swims and laughs, to be dancing and screaming in the best way possible, but I was given the remainder of an old love and forced to rebuild you, and now you're ready to move on and there's nothing I can do about that

please grab my hand and tell me it'll be okay, pull me in and kiss me harder than ever before and tell me that it'll be okay, squeeze my shoulders until they hurt, leave an imprint in my skin

convince me I'm not watching it fall apart or let me leave the remains while I can

I'm afraid to look at the news anymore
2. All I know is that people are dying everyday and mothers and children and uncles and families
3. Taking sides isn't going to help when everyone is a victim
4. I lit a candle for all those 298 people that died in the Ukrainian flight
5. I'm agnostic and I still lit the candle
6. I'm supposed to be on vacation but so far all I've had are allergies and insults and vomiting and cramps
7. I feel like I'm ruining everyone else's time
8. I want to throw up every other minute
9. Two days ago I was so weak that I had to inhale deeply every time I wanted to talk
10. Every night she turns on the news and every night I use my phone

I don't know whether I am full of emotion or just **numb

I have stepped up on that chair of confidence and I put your noose around my neck,
but once you were on, I knew I didn't need my chair anymore
and so I kicked it away.

At first the pain hits you directly, as your head snaps back into the reality
of where you are and what you are doing, but what no one wants to admit and
what no one will tell you is that you start to become a *******.

You start to crave the pain that is making you slowly suffocate under the weight
of your head, filled with too many of your problems and my problems,
filled with too many memories and too many thoughts, filled with too much
disappointment.

The irony comes with the fact that you are the one who looks down and presses
your neck harder against the rope. You go back for more, you keep looking down

You keep feeling that pressure, you keep playing a game of whether you can look
down so far you can see your feet, you keep turning darker and darker in your
face.

But as your eyes bulge, your lips run dry, the tears in your eyes stinging like a
waterfall without water, any feeling in your body going numb, your mind only
concentrates on that single person

Your mind only thinks about the one who can make the pain go away, but little
do you know, it is all only temporary.

Everything must end eventually.

Искам да си тръгна от тука

What to do when you don't know what to do anymore: a beginners guide to how to repair emotional impairment**

1. stop trying to force yourself to write romantic poetry and listen to romantic music like you used to and think about him when you write it [[i'm thinking of him now]]. the spark that you saw in his eye and the flame that burned through your chest and touched your heart is gone, don't try to start it again [[even though i want to]].

2. accept the fact that maybe that flame was never there to begin with [[but i thought it was]]

3. take every single **** moment you two have ever had, everything he has ever told you, all the memories [[and the hugs and smiles, the jokes and the laughter, the way you remember his eyes lighting up like lightning when you would make him laugh]] you keep replaying whenever you see his eyes even if it's just for a moment, all the stupid texts that he's sent you at one, two, three am about life, and try to get over them [[ignore that you've been trying so **** long already]]. don't shove them to the back of your mind because you're too scared to let go [[im scared]] and don't push them to the front of your mind so that you can just sulk over the fact that they are gone and ended and you two don't act like you used to around each other anymore [[but i wish we did]]

4. delete those songs that remind you of him [[but its all of them]] and get new one for new memories that are promised in the summer kissed air outside of your constrained bedroom that has heard all of your nightmares and seen all of your tears [[and all of the hatred]]  

5. try to move on [[but i cant]] and dont be afraid to let down the walls of your heart again. don't put your walls up to begin with anymore [[i thought he was different but he wasnt]] because you know that you have to be the strong, independent, beautiful girl everyone sees [[but i can't be her]] so that you can win over his heart with a single swift smile and eyes that gleam like the last summer sunset he saw

6. try to repiece your broken self and try to have fun [[im too damaged]] and smile in the mirror at yourself because in the end he does not matter to you anymore [[yes he does]] and so what if he is starting to forget you? you can forget him too [[but i cant]]. dont be lonely [[im so ******* lonely]] because you choose to just focus on him; allow yourself to be loved by every inch of someone else, from their golden soul to their golden heart [[who can love someone this broken?]]

7. stop with the "i'm fine's" and be honest [[lying with my smile is the best tool]] because he will listen [[when he wants to]]

and finally,

8. acknowledge that you are a [**]t, [pe]rfect, al[l]uring, [e]nthu[s]ia[s]tic girl

My own self criticism isn't enough; everyone will always have something to say to you that will enter your skin like a dagger.

you've gained weight!
You try being diagnosed with ******* anorexia and then tell me why I gained weight. I look in the mirror everyday and want to break the reflection.

you look too formal, it's too hot out for that long skirt
I have scabs on my legs from the over sensitive skin that decides to cling onto me. Rashes from mosquito bites are not beautiful. People stare.

why aren't you reading
I'm on vacation after busting my *** for nine months. That's why.

you look worried, what's wrong
If only you knew I'm okay means nothing.

you're too naive to understand but you'll see one day
I'm naive because I care about things, because I won't eat chicken that I saw dead in a pan, because I won't throw away a snail through the window from the seventh story because I can't imagine myself falling, because I realize humans are animals too? I'm not naive. My thoughts keep me awake at night.

And all of their voices circle through my mind day after day after day reminding me I will never be good enough.

pieces of you are sprinkled around my day and the small parts paint a mosaic that by the end of the night reminds me of you - i remember all the details

it's hard not to think of your body pressed against mine in this heat because it's the same sun that made us sweat together and it's the same moon that watched us love each other more than ever before and i don't know what's worse, not seeing you or not hearing you

all i want is for you to be near me because your hug burns deep within my skin and before i know it my skin smells of you and my hair locks in brown strings the aroma of your clean shirt and your cologne

maybe this is what love feels like - maybe love is when i'm at th beach for a week and everyday i keep thinking how much i miss you, maybe love is how well i know your smile to the point where i'm down and picture it i smile, maybe love is how my lips know yours better than anyone else's, maybe love is when i sit down and write poem after poem after poem about you because it's a love so deep only ink on paper can understand

True love is not looking at someone and seeing no flaws, but in looking at someone, seeing their flaws, and *accepting them

when they broke my heart god knows the last thing I wanted was to remember how it felt because it takes a lot to make someone feel like they can't breathe even when they're not underwater, but even though I hated them in ways that only my heart understood, I don't really regret them

they all taught me pain but it was because of that pain that I could move on, because of that pain that I now know how it feels to be completely shattered and get when my best friend tells me no, today she doesn't feel like being quite alive

they taught me empathy and they taught me true love in the sense that it was because of all of their errors that I truly appreciated what was in front of me when the time came, and now I understand that the kind of man who stays with you even when you're going through hell and not the man who leaves you mid way is the kind of man who deserves to stay and maybe I'm scared to have my heart shattered again but I don't regret ever having it broken because at least I learned that only I can fix myself and that has made me stronger than ever before

yes it hurts. it's the greatest kind of pain I've known and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but maybe it was for the better...

maybe learning to let go is all for the better

it's been approximately a month and a half since i've had to stay up late studying for any sort of test or working on any sort of assignment, and i still have bags under my eyes.

i'm not talking about small bags that compliment your skin either, i'm talking about the deep bags that turn purple in the pale light of the kitchen lamp - bags that make people think you don't sleep at all.

i can only assume that the people who do not ask me about why i have such heavy bags under my somewhat empty eyes are the people who understand that there is a fine line between not being able to sleep and insomnia and they're treading on it like this kind of tightrope all the while holding more than just questions about the universe, but tons and tons of curiosity revolving around the idea of the end of our existence

i have also realized that there are so many ugly human beings in this world, so many inhumane practices, so many people who forget as a human race we are animals too subject to the natural rules of the world and there has been a voice in the back of my head constantly bickering me about animal cruelty and rights and wars and peace and death and life and i can't shut it off

maybe that's the cause of the two inch bags

his lips collided with mine at 120 awkward miles per hour, teeth hitting teeth, lips biting lips, nervous chuckles and ****** hands clashing together to make something beautiful

the way you want it to stop but don’t, the way you know you’ve found someone nice, the way you know it’ll end but part of you doesn’t care

maybe that’s being 21, running towards and away from commitment with every quick brush of the hand in anticipation something greater than like but less than dating

maybe that’s being 21, being okay with that, no expectations for the first time in a long time