holy hell you're the bad acid trip i never asked for;
the spins after a bad night of drinking or the stranger in the alley way when you're walking home alone.
you were the spam email that wouldn't stop popping up all over my home computer while i yelled at the screen in sixth grade
you're the bad chicken nugget at mcdonalds you bite into and say oh **** what the **** is this and suddenly question if you should make yourself throw up
you're a toothache, headache, heartache, literally any synonym for something terrible or painful.

i have no beautiful words to describe you, no nothing.

the thought of kissing you ever again makes me want to throw up.

I want to kiss you
Just for the sake of your lips
Caressing my lips
Just for the sake
of your God-blessed breath
Breathed into my body

I want to press on you
Just for the sake of your scent
Of sunshine and cream
Just for the sake
of my nose inhaling your neck
Carving you into my mind

I want to be swaddled with you
Blended into blankets
Melted into your skin
Just for the sake
of sipping in your mellowed pulse
Calming my blood

You said we could be 'just friends'
Look into my eyes and tell whether the way I look at you is the way friends look at each other or not

this poem
is not about you

even though
your spirit is in every word
your voice sounds strong
in the halls of my mind
telling me things
I am now sure
I want to know

this poem is
about me

trying to understand
you

Cigarettes and alibis,
purple turtles, little white lies,
see you fall on a silver screen,
a living testament of all that’s been,

caught your tears in a bottle of rye,
never ever seen a crocodile cry,
storms a brewing in an old tea cup,
stirred up the leafs, our time is up.

“my mother’s trust issues are leaking into my chest
and I’ve got my father’s nose and his tendency to
stop calling back
so I’m sorry
about the 9 missed calls I have from you
and the 6 voicemails I never played
I swear I’d love you if I could”