Pain in My head
Pain in my heart
Where do I go
Where do I start
Well I'll tell you it's in dark
Sufficient in the fours wall
Where the demons crawl
And where the devils talk
Pain killers not do nothing to me
Dr ordered **** what they mean

I don't want to catch up on things,
So i can be more erudite

I don't want to "stay relevant"
I wish that I could just dissolve

I don't want to pretend again
And play the evil puppeteer
I want to lop these antlers off,
So's I can be a trueblood deer.

So force a meaning if you must
But I can make no promises
I wish that it could be a deer
It never will see from a deer

And we would meet between the trees
And get the **** thing over with

Were you brave?
Were you quaking?
Were you tough or were you faking?
Did you cry for your Mum’s embrace?
Or bite your cheek just to save face?
Did your letters euphemise?
Were they scribed with tear filled eyes?
Did you pray for silent nights?
Try to unsee grisly sights?
Did you think how life would be if you made it back across the sea?
Did you deliver a mate’s last note and hug his Mum with a lump in your throat?
Did you come home claiming glory or never voice your untold story?
Your sacrifice I can’t repay,
and so I honour on this day
a face that is unknown to me
who paid the price for my liberty.

And then
When there was no one
left in sight
I put out my cigarette
and said
Good Night!

It is impossible to say goodbye to fate.

Do I wanna leave?
Or do I just wanna stay with you?
What’s the point of this whole thing
if I don't know what I’m gonna be?
What do I do with my life?
Where would I be without you?
Think my health’s important,
but how important could it be
if they’re shoving homework
down the throats of kids at 17?

I know I’ll regret staying in this whole thing,
but when it ends they’d all love me.
Doing it all for the wrong reasons.
Maybe one day I’ll know what’s right.
But what if it’s wrong
to leave?
What if this is what I’m meant to be
but I might come out of it dead.
Just wanna see what it’s like.
Could **** me just to save time.
It’s not worth the time if it cuts out years
of my life, due to stress.
The only reason to stay is for the "what ifs"
and nothing else, so maybe I should leave.
Not that that would be saving my mom any
money
But it’s whatever, I suppose.
I’m better than I used to be,
but I wasn’t built for this life.
Is it self-hatred to say I wouldn’t make it?
or is it protecting myself
from death by mental illness?

I’ll think it over, I still have some time.
Just feel like I’m misleading everyone,
not that they thought that this thing
was for me.
But what if it was?
Not that it has more positives than the opposite.
They asked me if I’ll leave
and I said maybe.
I just turned 15, and I think I might leave ib.

people change everyday
so i vow to fall in love with you
every time the sun rises

s.s