let me introduce you to my old friend
Jax (Jackson) Hate
ladies and gentlemen
tell 'em about yourself
why don't you, you're the writer
I've known Jax for as long as I can remember
UK to US
kids to teen to?
to a sentimental ***
He's an *******, but he's my *******
He kept me safe
kept me laughing
when I was lost he found me
stop you're making me wet
I love him
really - I do
I'd love me too
The scruffy, scatter brained, *** crazed, sarcastic sociopath is more than blood to me
My imaginary friend who leaped straight from somebody else's nightmare to rescue me
You looked so pathetic, let's be honest, I didn't really have a choice.
He was the one who went straight for the cricket bat in playground scraps
taught me everything I know about manipulating women
You'd still just be loving your right hand every night if we never met
Yeah, but I'd still be in college
Yeah? Rotting away with the other soon to be bovine corpses? Stellar plan my man. ******* A
No, now we rot alone
Smells more like waiting for the legend to take hold. We'll own this world by proxy.
Me, I'm a kid who writes
Jax?
He's a murderer at heart
the hurricane to my calm, rippling koi pond
You forget I'm a misogynist.
I don't know if he's here to stay
I don't know if I ever want him to leave me
no longer mutually parasitic
*the ******* end

Among the boulders- I escaped the wind,
settled for the shelter of the rocks;
just me and Jax and no one else,
on our daily different walks.

Jax never made a sound, no barks,
he was contented on this hike;
man's best friend was mine,
everyplace we went...he liked.

Even walking city streets,
strolling avenues;
I cured our boring morning,
as we chased away our blues.

Two vagabonds, just walking,
for exercise and joy;
a bond that lasts forever,
that death cannot destroy.

Perhaps we'll walk in heaven,
treading sacred clouds;
invisible to others,
two happy, wandering shrouds.

I.

Everything meets
in the middle,

all that is
and was
and done
or said

eventually.

So they say while
the fulcrum creaks
and the lever sags.

     That’s where
     they’ve
     lost there way.

Take two magnets and
try to push them together
to meet at center, instead
they slide from side to side
and go around, no force
can bring them together.

     I say everything
     that goes around
     comes back this way,

the wrong way,
to haunt or remind us
but never to the middle,
never offering peace.

Maybe that's why
some say suicide
is a valid option,
as if to trick
the sacred balance,
sneak up on
magnetic rejection
and force your way
to center.

     Sometimes I dwell
     on the mystery of
     Golden Gate.

Such a sacred place,
the breeze, the sun,
her hypnotic beauty
and the fact that
no one jumps at
night.


II.

Nero:    "Jax, do you believe in Karma?"
Jax:       "Not today"
  
     But I believe.
     I believe because
     I have lived it.

     My Karma is Grace
     and I can’t tell you
     how many times she
     has found me,

always where I didn’t go willingly,
dragged by a massive darkness
and held up high while the weight
of death sat across the divide
on the other end of the teeter-totter.

Seated together on the
hard linoleum floor of
the kitchen we played
for what seemed hours
With a small rubber ball
and ten metal JAX
I honed my skills on those
rainy days when we were
not allowed outside to play
From the classic onesy
until achieving all ten
for victory, the game
was always simple & fun.
Perfecting the bounce
was always key and
cat liked dexterity
made someone a dangerous
player to defeat.

Hers was always the only soul I ever wanted to absorb entirely.
She's the only reason I write weird **** like that.
Before her, I was plain and thought words were just empty sounds breaking through our silence when we felt like.
Before her I thought movies were for entertainment like Insidious or Rambo,
not feelings like The Perks of Being a Wallflower or Blue is the Warmest Color.
Understanding the world was the least of my worries.
But with her gorgeous insightfulness waking me every morning, I'd gotten used to curiosity and enlightenment.
I wanted to feel the world's love and soak in every perfect ending.
I wanted to listen to the voices and grasp the thickness of the meanings etched into their words.
Every laugh I heard I saw happiness.
And when I look at her I feel the entire universe hugging us as we dance along to heartbreak in The Front Bottoms' lyrics.
I want to hear her voice above all others because making sweet love to her and drenching her body with the promise of forever, well that's the one that stands out the most.
And she calls my name like I never dreamed anyone could.
The poetry she reads me is the most imaginative and splendid and I want to write like her.
To put more beauty into my font.
And I try to make the world my muse.
It'll never be as good as hers.
Because everything that ever was, is her muse.
And mine could only ever be her.

When I was a kid
I wanted a pet cat.
A disney cat.
Simba or Copa.
Do you remember Copa?
Do you remember the excitement
of your imagination
post movie
when its catchy music
that made want to dance.
A dance made of
skipping and jumping jax
with imaginary pompons and maracas

I find it odd how as time goes on we find a reason to set down even our most valuable possessions in place of something new..

Something you had once sworn to be your life-blood can become more like your daily bread.


Not necessarily   necessary....


I guess even diamonds lose their lustre at some point....

The bear grass looks so lush,
in the fading of the light;
it's pleasure on my vision,
as the day turns into night.

The breeze is soft and gentle,
like a lover's sweet caress;
the coolness is a balm,
in this eve of summer's rest.

Jax leads me by his leash,
he knows the way back home;
there is no pressure tugging,
it's like he's free to roam.

In the distance, mountains,
take on a purple hue;
pastoral hills abound,
the sky grows darker blue.

The evening's walk's refreshing,
it clears the mind and soul;
erasing turbulence,
easing living's toll.

"With the awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror. My self hate is so deep, so palpable, I fear I'll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection."

     ~Jax Teller (Sons Of Anarchy)


The mirror reflects images
Of past things I'd like to forget
Memories project ghosts that faded
Long ago after I built up my regrets
And that reflection shines through
All the different scenarios
Of this life that I've lived through
And heartbreaks, everywhere I go

Heartbreak, heathens, hounds and Hell
What wonderful whispers the mirror has to tell
I've heard them before - **** - they came from my core
Love was the loathing that turned into lore
****** the person in the mirror
The truth could not be clearer:
A monster spawned once the medicine cabinet filled with liquor
You hate me? Join the ******* club
I'm the ******* dartboard at the local pub

Then comes the crashing, the breaking, the cuts and bruises
Spectrums of pieces and shatters of truths
And yet it all just reflects right back to mistakes from our youth
The mirror, just an ugly reminder of shame with all the proof
But what can we do? How can we forget?
The images of the past can't change how they reflect
From another angle we could possibly alter the effect
But no altercations can take away the pain and regret

I take a walk to distance me from myself,
but there is no harbor for demons hiding from Hell
I tried my damnedest to become better,
but despite how earnest, I only grew bitter
Now, being sober just gives me the jitters
I can't be alone with the Devil inside
I can't change things when the problem is I
People see me and they are befuddled
I see only a shell when I pass by these puddles

Empty, that's all that's left of me
Nothing, there's nothing left to see
The mirror is blank, a black hole
Drained into space, the remnants of my soul
Blank reflections shattered against my heart
Feeling of hate and self doubt ripping me apart
The eyes staring back at me have no emotions
Wide gazes and high tides like endless oceans
This nothingness is completely consuming me
My life, love and happiness have been swept out to sea

Jax slinks to the bowl
swipes a paw across the brink
litter in his drink

Java to the sink
jumps up to drink faucet drops
before they ker-plink

M J stops to think
before deigns to take a drink
lynx philoso-fur

Driftwood, basking,
in the early morning sun,
beside the stillness of
the water;
the day has just begun.

Warmness, creeping,
up my back and neck,
pastoral scenes abide,
at my call and beck.

Coots and loons, float by,
in a wet and dreamy landscape,
Jax and I are strolling,
it's our eight a.m. escape.

Cormorants speed by,
in fast and hectic flight,
bound for who-knows-where,
they're awesome in the light.

The walk is quite refreshing,
nature's face unfurled,
and today, at this one moment,
all's right, with all the world.

Jax,Lily,Flawless,Marta,Dr.Shweta,Shiv,Neeraj,Dg.
Emeka,Miss,Jule­s,Bridgett,Salim, Joceyn,memoona.
Sampreeta,daud,Stephanie,Grace,No name,Eloisa.
Hijenduanao,Kauthar,Damien,Joye,Marta,Narendra.
Jole­ne, Perry, Freebird,Surbhi,Godawan,Ikimi,tm,
Xaela,try,S Nirmal,Astrea,Erin,Mindless,Lace,HB.
AP,Timur,Kasidee,Caterra,the­ untold,Melancholy.
Melanie,mckenzie, clark,beebz,sherri,bryan,bakunawa.
khaliyah,brianna,Ay2brutus,Ang­el-like,Maxx,Lure ***.
Mike, me zeal, Kim,Kim,Maeiby,Shanath,Marshall,xallan.
Weeping Willow,Mike Hauser,Serena,AnnMarie,DavidLewis.
JenniferJohnson, itgonnamakesense,Mike Essiq,Nancy.
Olivia,Paul,Mark,Phil,PoetressBhumi and Wilyam Pax.
Here some more love you all, I pray that you are blessed.

With the wind chill factor,
the temperature is thirteen;
I was out for twenty minutes,
it felt angry, bitter, mean.
I had to walk the dog,
he don't stay still for long;
he stares at me and waits,
like he's right and I am wrong.
I cave in to his wishes,
and don my winter gear;
a slave to canine wants,
and the cold air that I fear.
At first it's not so bad,
but then the wind starts up;
and I resent his pit stops,
I'm freezing; he interrupts.
It's testing my impatience,
I tug his leash,  to say,
Please hurry up and finish,
we haven't got all day.
To be ruled by one's own pet,
can be viewed as giving in;
but he makes it all worthwhile,
with his goofy, silly, grin.

The darkened roads of the night,
Will soon see the morning light....

As I drive down the hwy of I-10
I see my old city as this trip will end..

It brings up thoughts of the past,
that quickly change to the future...

I am now in the city of New Orleans,
as I will soon begin to wake....

What's on the streets is the homeless, drunk and me....

I park in the french quartes and make sure not to get towed...

I wall to the river and what do i see....
Two young girls kissing on a bench...
A homeless man making no sense...
And a man on a bike without a life...

I then myself gaze upon the river,
As the sun comes up, so do my thoughts...

Watching the tugs push barges,
and the ship's filled with life...

It's a lonley romance the city life..
Yet filled with adventure for live of the night...

Sitting in the exact same place on the railroad tracks as a child...

It was 3 am in the morning, I was smoking *** and watching a recking ball, tear down Jax Brewrey for a mall.

Thought of the past how quick they come and go... How we lose them and choose them is not for me to decide...

Back to the streets as the city come alive... The city will now begin to strive...

Arriving in a July rain
Was born the future bard Jax Reed
Raised in the fields of sugar cane

As a young teen he jumped a train
Seemed destined to do ***** deeds
Arriving in a  July rain

Yet in prison he found his brain
Thinking about his life’s creed
Raised in the fields of sugar cane

As an old man he seemed quite sane
He started riding a white steed
Arriving in a July rain

His stories lived through his son Bane
A legacy that left good seed
Arriving in a July rain
Raised in the fields of sugar cane

A Child’s First Safety-Deposit Box

For Kirk Briggs

A dime-store pocket watch that doesn’t run
A tiny magnifier for aiming the sun
A bit of chalk, glass marbles, crayon stubs
A pencil or two worn down to the nubs
A pair of dice gained in a school-yard trade
A cheap pocket knife with a broken blade
A pocket calendar from just last year
A bottle-opener that says “JAX BEER”
A shotgun hull, and little toy cars -
A box is for treasures, not Dad’s cigars!

on gray hard streets we pounded out our youth
amidst tightly knitted cobble stone pathways
and shining windows always kept clean
struggling strong immigrants far and wide
teemed fruitfully through long days
and playful front stoop games
ring a leeveo and johnny on a pony
stick ball, jax and my favorite skellzey
mostly happy but deadly too
many ways of speaking were spoken
cultures clashed but soon subsided
in quiet civility and tamed calm
that all efforts would bring ahead more
bright days and simple luxuries
a streetside chat... a day at Orchard Beach
breezy stroll through Crotona Park...
a picnic by water's edge and maybe a hooked flounder
pale afternoon sun would blaze firey red at sunset
then pink and purple painted effortlessly
across our sleeping skies
we longed just for friendly pushing around
flirting with the girls when the nerve came up
and smart challenges of who could do what
when and how
for then that time, our time it was
all just a dream a day and the glories
of growing up...

September morning;
bright, fresh and clean;
autumn's in the air,
felt,  but yet, unseen.

The dawn is past,
the day is nigh;
I greet the sunshine,
with a joyous sigh.

I drink in deeply,
the breath of early morn;
view the placid lake,
the sunflowers adorn.

Jax tugs gently on his leash,
the spring is in his walk;
he nudges grass aside,
among the flower's stalk.

Man and his best friend,
on their daily stroll;
each on his own path,
each with his own goal.

In a world of silence
I run on batteries
walk a mile or two
on wrinkled aging knees.

Hearing nothing as I sleep
most things won't wake me up
I sit in awesome silence
and sip my coffee cup.

Closed caption on the t. v.
informs me of the news
the world is still divided
violent, bitter,  bruised.

Time for my daily walk
check the batteries, they're fine
attach the hearing aids
the sun begins to shine.

My dog waits patiently
with uncomplaining love
it's a chilly wintry day
I reach to take my gloves

The air is frosty clean
I leave the car at home
and step with Jax, off the curb
in the neighborhood, to roam.

did you know
that jax
and snacks
sound similar
you see
it's because the "ax" and "acks" make a similar sound

also my father hit me

2,000, five hundred feet higher,
it's ten degrees cooler up here;
than the place where I now live
watching the green cacti near.

From where I am,  I can't see it,
I'm too far to the north and east;
but the views I do have,  are great,
Verde Valley's a high desert feast.

The peaks behind Flagstaff's are lovely,
Eighty-nine A winds her way to Jerome;
and a shelter of pines line my footpath,
as we amble and stride and do roam.

Jax - is my  faithful companion,
adorable, trustworthy...true;
a canine that I can call buddy,
he's with me in most things that I do.

The road is a thousand feet lower,
like a concrete snake amid trees;
Wood-Chute mountain's enchanting,
as once more, I return, to just see.

Who is the man who looks back at me?
the image that I see?
I look a little closer, ***, that's me!
My hair is receding quickly,
there's a bald spot up on top;
at my age, I can't grow a new crop.
The eyes take a while to get brighter -
the small goatee is gray or it's white;
there's a haggard look at dawn,
depending upon the light.
I rise from my bed with slowness,
sit on the side for a bit;
behind the window's curtain,
the morning's becoming lit.
I walk with a cane and a flashlight,
in the bathroom I hit the switch;
the light is suddenly brighter,
my God- old life's a *****.
It takes me some time to get going,
two cups of coffee drunk slow;
I stretch out my legs at the sink,
by God now, I'm ready to go.
I grab Jax's leash from the wall,
he's prancing and all ready to go;
I grab my hat and sunglasses,
we exit -  and go with the flow.

The dawn is filled with warmth and promise,
I awake to Jax, bounding on the bed;
better than the dream that I was having,
that I was drowning in my car instead.
How strange the nightmares that we have,
they seem so real....uncomprehending;
we wake, relieved to find ourselves alive,
relieved to realize the dream was ending.
Thank goodness, the dreams are not so bad,
most of my dreams are of a better kind;
they don't disturb or rattle me,
they help me,  in actuality,  to unwind.
Have you ever dreamt that you were floating?
astral projection, I believe the saying goes;
out of the body, connected to a silver cord,
you are there above, but no one knows.
Maybe I am thinking of a death encounter,
they think your gone, but you are not;
either way, you've left the physical realm,
you feel you must go back, before your caught.
I hope I never have that stupid dream again,
the one where I suspected I was drowning;
it was too real-life like for little me,
it's quite enough for me to wake up frowning.

no new tricks, my fr'en' Jax, he say, you may learn.

did that happen to you? getting old,

did it happen for you?

did you make that happen?

In my youth, I aimed for an end,
then found life goes on
and I asked,
what haps
when you ask
super, but natural, forces,

wind and water, or
sun and soil to be in your favor?

It's like the movies, only you direct the action,

--- ah, rhett or rick,
give a ****, play it again, Sam I am
--- y'lost this trick,
--- this old man came rolling home,
(Sisyphus gimme a shove, from the top)

See ya,
in the funny papers, yeah,
we said that.
wayback when Krazy Kat was gay.


yes ,oh, no, you lost it all.
Life past,

you failed to pay attention,
you ignored the
ignorance growning around you,
as you aged
full of grace, accepting today
as the starting point.

from here you can see forever,
pay attention,
ever learning, never learning
ever

ever, ever, ever this
last bit of what can be known

lost on the info-super-highway that
Al Gore used to make global
warming seem like

some new thing. Old men who paid
attention
never fretted. We remember polio

and marching dimes giving hope a
booster shot on a sugar cube,

love being more than a four rune symbol,
we used to wake
merry boat rowers who believed,
as they were told,
life is a dream to
dread getting old in.

Hear, ol Adam Clayton Powell laff'n'say
"Keep the faith, Baby" then choke on all
the lies he left for a legacy.
He died, maybe never knowin'

what magi know of faith these days.
make note, young dreamer,
Magi and magic shall never be unlinked.
row
row
row, or turn around and flow.

Good morning Lord
the coffee's hot and ready
I sip it slowly, savoring -
though yet my hands aren't steady;
the darkness lifts as dawn arrives
light hovers on the hills
I read two chapters of Your word
then take my daily pills;
one for heart, one for bones
one for plain good measure
(the vitamin B12) and lastly
two for my blood pressure;
A second cup of morning joe
suits my mind just fine
here, in my pajamas
the sun begins to shine;
Jax nudges me, as if to say
are you ready for our walk?
Soon as I get dressed I say
(that ends our little talk)
Thank you for this morning Lord
for another day of living
for the sins You wash away
by Your mercy and forgiving.

get back to the basics busting fat laces running the bases
it used to be cool to obey the golden rule yet that went out the door in 64
open the door for your neighbor then you can chill on a different ice cream flavor
getting fat beats to the rhyme  at the rhyme as a reason in the changing of the season
walk with me talk with me through the passage of time get things in line
went back to the old sand box playing jax bringing along your lunch box sack
have I hit a tender nerve yet the time you'll never will forget
start spreading the disease out living as you please best to get down on your knees
homeboy talk a lot is that what he is doing you bit off more then you were chewing
get back to the basics in flirting faces trading spaces all over each places
remember is was customary to carry your book for your girl that was quite a thrill
take to the limit one more time with Slick Rick & Doug E. Fresh putting you all to the test
there was a lodi dodi in the house where we like to party cause Snoop can do that to
so what's new today getting Eminem to stay free styling on Trump free stylying while the dials on
snap shot moments of the past having so much fun with the hope that it would last
the streets today move faster then ever before some pay a visit to cell block 9 but that is fine
got Pumas on my feet spliff on my sleeve going to the dance hall scene
breaking down rhymes all my critics can kiss my fat behind cause I'm doing fine
Nas, Outcast & Drake never busted a move in such a fake for one step forward then two steps back
turn your radio on to here the words of my favorite song with Akon featured with Fetty Wap
drop it down with fire blowin it up in its purest desire ccause I want to take you higher



this just it so let me begin cause I came here to win in my perfect ten
suckers want to end me to but up the economy but ******* still on me but no I ain't phony
sit back and relax as you bask in the vast expanse between space and time
get back to basics as you remember when you were broke down to your last thin dime
sipping on *** with a hint of sugar for my teeth getting something sweet
your a miracle baby ain't nothing a bit shady working on making that baby
just maybe I get the hook up going stronger then ever before
next you bit kicking it with a two bit ***** screaming out more
get back to basics to set the dial for one more time going to wine, dine & sixty nine
holding my own when my hands on the phone but some insist to stay all alone
life can be a struggle so bartender make my Martini strong like on the double
working together like both Fred & Barney Rubble to stay out of trouble
see ya on the flip side squeeze while you out busy as a bee
going to walk that miracle mile in my hour of power in fullest of desire
until someday you'll see your name up in lights never give up on the fight