Please tell me why, my boyfriends is behind bars

     And I'm sleeping in my friends car

And your gone

     Can we forget about the things I said when I was...

I didn't mean to call you that

     Please tell me why, I came through the window last night

And your gone

-For Skylar who read every word I wrote
And let me write this for her

To feel as though you'll never wake up
    
     Your being chased
          
          You lose the race

               He holds you tight then disappears
              
That's truly a nightmare

PLAY THE MUSIC LOUDER

     BLOCK OUT THIS EVIL WORLD

ALL I WANT TO HEAR IS THE SWEET SOUND OF THIS IS GOSPEL

     PLEASE TURN IT UP

PLEASE END MY SUFFERING

     LOUDER PLEASE

LOUDER

He walks around breaking hearts
  
   They say he's bad news

But they don't know the real him

   They all denied it

Said I was a liar

   But I don't care

He's the only one who knows me

   The tables turned and I broke both our hearts

Both our hearts

   We're both broken, breaking hearts

He left and missed

   Changed me

Now I'm finally free

   Deleted every trace of him

He is finally gone

   Gone for life

"You made my heart break

    And that made who I am"

He's missing out bad

    So sad too bad

Missing out, that sick *******

When he looks at me like that it's torture
It's that kind of look like you can never be with me
Torture
It's my own personal hell
I'm left there suffering
He loves it when I'm hurt
It amuses that sick *******
He loved me once and dealt with this too
But not as bad
This is torture
Please end my suffering
End his sick happiness
Torture

I wish I could live in the fantasy world

   Where the lonely find love

      Where the poor find riches

         Where the evil pay

            And the Lord above can say "This is good." again

         Where war is gone

            Fighting stops

Freedom reins

         Peace is plentiful

    Where you can go to sleep not fearing what's outside

This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell This is Hell

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I'm

    Falling

For
            
    Him

All
              
     Over

Again

Life

I live in palace of joy and happiness
Inside and out thriving with life
The lion and the lamb are at peace
The children play in the serpents den
Not a care nor a worry is in the air
Life is joyful, loving, and peaceful

In Between

I live in a cottage with just enough food
I am alone and depressed
But I appreciate the wonders of the world
Death is peaceful life is harder
Life in between is empty, depressing, and wishful

Death

Heaven is all the best things you could imagine
Full of light and gleaming gold
Filled with beautiful landscapes
Hell is all the very worst things you could imagine
You trudge through tiring sand of lies, with a black sky above you
An endless horizon of you darkest nightmares and greatest fears

Where does your soul lie?
Life, Death, or In Between
If you have a soul...

My shadow is the only thing that is with me
My shadow is like the past behind me
My shadow is comforting knowing that something just like me is near
Something that has been through what I have
She's my shadow

Why does life ****
Why'a boys so ******
Hey, how come I got no friends
Oh, yeah that's right 'cause people hate me
He doesn't give a ****
So neither do I
But I know that's not true 'cause I'll love him till I die
Trapped in this nightmare
Gotta wake up
Can't live life like this
No I can't no more

It was him
It was him all along
He loved so he let me go
He didn't want to rub it in that I couldn't have him
I love him so I let him go
But now I realize it was him all along
I'll love him like always
Why do I love him
It's like that all over again with me and him
I was the mistake
We loved each other so we let one and other go

Thinking of thoughts inside my head
living good and but sometimes sad
Thinking helps, like running it through your mind that it will be okay
Just think
It can help
Think of the laughter that was once in the air
Or happiness that you shared
Just think
It'll be alright
Think

Find your passion, it's in there somewhere
Write something down
Make it a masterpiece
For you are it's great creator
Tap into your inner artist
Find your passion

Use your anger, your tears, your fears
They fuel the depth of some of our greatest writing

I found my passion through the depression I'm in
I found it through my tears
And through my fears

If only we could all find our passion through happiness, joy, and light

You held the knife
I held my breathe
And you couldn't do it
For your heart was pure

You my brave huntsman shall be slaughtered for your nobility by the ruler of the dark land in which you live
I dearly regret it
I dearly do

If only there was a way I could save you
But a secret to this story is that I love you

It fills in the cracks of depression
And covers up the scars of loneliness
Expresses our emotion through our doubt, our pain, and our hunger
Poetry is a beautiful and powerful thing

How could it be you
Why do you hate me so
And act the way you do
Never have you thought of me
In a good way
Or in a good place
How could I have loved
Why would I have continued to love you
And cherish the thought of you
Never again I will
How, why, and never again that I will give my love you

Through the night my heart is so deceiving
I can’t even help but breathing
It won’t stop
Every time
The night is black and lushes
It shows the beauty of the darkness
Expresses the wonder of blackness
I see you
Standing there
In the middle of road
Under a street lamp
Your arms wide open
Beckoning me to come into them
I run to you
To have you fade
To blow away like dust
And the lights go out
I am alone
All through the night I’m missing you
Your standing there in front of me
I look at you, you look at me
And then your gone
Into the night
Gone without a trace
The sky isn’t the only blackness at night
In the dark
In the cold
Without you
Without you
Alone
In the night
The black, dark, and deceiving night
Night

I dream of you
Every time I close my eyes
I think of you
Trying not to let me cry
For in every note I’ve wrote to you
I express the love I feel for you
You know it’s true
I dream of you
You loved me
I love you
I dream of you

Birth papers

Mother don’t try you can’t hide it
We both know you can’t deny it
I found an old folder I thought I’ve seen before
Though I didn’t look inside then
This time I couldn’t deny it
For I didn’t know what secrets lie inside it
Opened it up found a small card with her name and his name
Though I only knew what the abbreviation of the first name ment
I now know my fathers name
But I shall not tell you
Or trouble might brew
The initials are SMJ, if you read this I’m Julia Marie Renyo

My old Man

I know we’ll meet again
I hope he still remembers me
And that I love him so
But if he’s up there or down there
I hope he knows that he’s my dad no matter what
Even if all I know is a short piece of abbreviated name

Reputation, Reputation this is how you play
If you mess up your status will change
B
   e

      W
          i
             t
               h
      
                    H
                        e
        ­                   r
Or
     F
       o
          r
            g
              e
                 t
              
                    H
                       e
                          r

Be with me or forget me
It’s your choose
You’ve kept my letters
We’ve taken walks together
You’ve admitted you like me and want to be with me
But apparently your rep means more
So you won’t go around with the girl who’s a beauty behind a pokeball hat
So I’ll sit here like a broken record repeating our good times together
In my head over and over again and again
Even though we part ways in the end
Not that there will ever be anymore good times
Not with us together anyway
Just so you know
I’ll be here for you
Always
What’s strange is you never got that...social with a girl except for me
You act like you’ve moved on
But there’s no other girl
I think it’s pretty clear we both know you haven’t moved on
But you still pretend to and ignore me
While holding on to my words and drawings
Sometimes it just feels like your toying with me
You play the game for the trophy and nothing more
What does that tell you

I
I don’t know what to say
If I pour out my heart you’ll push me away
If stand up to you when you put me down
You’ll throw me down
I can’t think of how big an idiot I am
I don’t know what to say
You won’t tell what you want to hear
You don’t talk to me anymore
You won’t talk me anymore at all
All I ask of you is your help
I need a friend
Not an enemy
You were the best friend I could ask for
But when you don’t want to remember something it’s gone
Forever and ever
Not for me
When a good thing becomes a bad thing it becomes lifelong scar I have to wear for the rest of my life
That happened so many times “over and over again and again even though we” grow apart in the end

Thinking about you  
What you said
You asked me what I see in you
You asked a question and now I’ll answer
I see wild eyes as they stare back at me,
Like burning sapphires, a longing glare
To ask me that question right then and there
Was totally unfair
But now I'll answer a long time after
What do I see in you
I’ve asked myself every day
But oh how stupid I was being when what I see is right there
Now that my answer finally clicked
I see a nice guy kind with blue eyes and brown hair
Now to say that to you I could not
So I wrote it down instead
You got your answer but you didn’t care you even admit that you threw it in a puddle
But a week or 3 later say you kept it
Since you asked me that question and I answered so long after
I asked you that question in which you didn’t take your answer seriously
When I asked for a serious answer you said my response took 2 months
And that yours would take the same but there isn’t 2 months left of school and time for that
I tried you ignore me
I'm in tears
Please
I beg of you
Please don't do this to me
Please Stones
Stones
No...

I’m so done with you
You made me cry to the point that I couldn't no more
You shook me up, and thrown me down
Called me names
Do I really listen to what you call me
I know you’d want an answer to that one
Just to get a reaction  
And sit there all innocent like and batt those fake eyelashes of yours
I’m so done just walk away
You words course through me
Taunting me, yelling at me pounding through my blood that I don’t belong and I’m a freak
If you listen closely you can hear the demons begging for me to join them
“Just walk away and come to us. Thats it listen to us.”
NO
I’m so done just let me be
I’m done
So done
Done….

That's what they call me
It's in my eyes
In my name
In these poems
Beauty is always ruined with war and violence
Look at the rose
It's beautiful
It's petals dripping in divine color
But the thorns make it lethal and dangerous
Sharp and full of  bloodshed
But "Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything"
Flowers with thorns don't want to be messed with
Plants with spikes don't want to be touched
They both need to be loved

I used to like you, maybe more
But that started from 1 year back its almost been 2
Have I really wasted all of that on you
Apparently I have
It’s my life's regret
But now I have my thunder back
I’m just so over you
Now that I’m done
I wish I never met you
It’s probably the same for you only you never liked me
It was only last year that you gave me a sweet smile or funny joke that made me feel so much better
But now it’s as if you turned stone cold
You probably don’t remember those days, to you they might no longer exist
But that's ok because I found someone better, a sweet smile that never fades a funny joke that never bays
And his blue eyes never fade
But my best and only friend stole him from me, and here I am teary eyed writing this 2 months later
Nobody's happy to hear this

Now that I have left my crush on you
I feel so great, like brand new
I am reborn
A blooming flower, growing vine
I’ve realised you're not for me
Neither I for you
To much drama, rude humor, and ignorance
I want those thoughts to leave me
All I want to feel is brand new
Reborn
And I do
But then I realize how stupid writing that is when I still like you I always have
Writing these last 2 lines weeks later

All a mistake that’s all you are
You play hard when it comes to mind games
Oh and now you tell me how you feel
That you like me, then pity me, then hate me, then like me again
You say that I make you feel this way
Well I sure didn’t plan on it, at least not the hate or pity
And you know something that’s how I felt all year
In my mind you either hate me or like me
I always thought you hated me, but you were friendly later on
You used to be nice, a whole lot funnier, and a lot more happy
But now your selective and only hang out with your Poke buddies
UH
I’m so disgusted
You don’t care that you hurt my emotions so bad and so much
That I feel like my hearts in my throat and my stomach is empty and has a pit
And yet who am I to say this
When after every time I try to get you out of my head and think I’m free
I always end up here, 10:30 at night on a sun. day with 4 and a half days till schools out
Just sitting here like a fool writing of the woe that nothing but time and love can cure
A broken heart
You want to make up crud of some fictional beast that protects you from falling for me
Well sir go right ahead, see what I care little boy
See what I care
If you really want to play this game, then your beast is dead permanently and I leave you be
Soon you’ll see that you lost your friend, and the girl who loved you
But you don’t care, and that’s why I see no reason to stay in this ***** little town
“

Why do I love you
Brown hair, blue eyes too good to be true
That sounds about right, but there's more to you’re kind and nice with a sense of humor that drives me mad
You had a smile that could light up the world
At Least I think you still do but you haven’t shown that smile all year
Your blue eyes are now a steel gray
Your beautiful smile is now still a fade
I’d do anything to see that again
To see you smile bright and look at me with those blue eyes
But only to see that again when you look at me
You did it sometimes last year but now it's mostly a plain face
I guess it's a sign to bug off, but I’m not listening
I was never
Sorry
My bad
I guess it proves you're too good to be true
I know I wonder why too
To think it’d be you to make me feel…weird in a good way
Why do I like you
But then I’m brought back to reality
You never liked me
If that's not true just tell me
If it is “Called it.”
I bet ya 5 bucks that you’ll have a plain Jane face on when you finish reading
And that you’ll throw the paper aside
And say something like this “ It basically sounds like you liking me and I’m awesome.”
I won’t change for you, never have probably never will
But that’s all I ever wanted
For you to like me at all
I don’t care if its out of pity or just for a milleneothe of a second
But you don’t and probably never will
And I guess that's okay
If you want to know ask me
But just so you know that’s all I ever wanted
For Mr. Awesome to like Miss loser
I think I now know why I love you