I remember the rainy night I showed up on your door step begging for answers

It was 2 years later and I cried like it was yesterday

You invited me in and even though I hated you, in I walked

I remember feeling brave
I remember feeling broken, shattered
I remember how easily you brushed my tears off
But you acknowledged how **** I was
Such causality
And I wondered why you had asked me inside with no feeling of remorse.

I left shortly thereafter with fewer answers than I came with
I left with the feeling of regret all over again like a fresh coat of paint

But something happened that night
Somewhere between following you from room to room
Talking about insignificant memories
You reminded me that people move on
You reminded me how sometimes strength is a deep rooted pain, disguised.
And in that night I learned that I don't want your excuses after all
Even if you had any to give.

They told me not to wait for you
And I forgot to breathe
I waited like a waiter and I'm still waiting
I catered and excused you
And I'm still being used
I can't let go
I can't say no

They told me not to wait for you
To change, to show up, to love me
Don't hold your breath, they said
But here I am because I forget to breathe

I was the sweet sugar on his mouth
Melted on his tongue
Like snowflakes
Tingling his senses
A refreshing experience
And he sipped me like coffee
Like some kind of caffeine addict
Again and again pressed against his lips
I wanted so much to be his habit
Oh but I was, and I'll never forget it
He's long gone now
And I'm just that stained mug in his cabinet

Would you kindly
hug me tight
with your hands
around my neck?
Would you kindly spend the night
and comfort this nervous wreck?

Could you show me a smile
while you tell me that I'm trash
Could you insult my lifestyle
without even batting an eyelash

Should you care about garbage like me
your tastes must be perverted
Should I be allowed to feel this happy
honestly, I'm uncertain.

I need you to use your claws
to draw out the blood from my skin
I need you to break through the walls
I built to hide my true self within

I need you to split me open and dig inside
to grasp at my heart if you can
I need you to know the thoughts that I hide
and love the person I really am

Im bad at love...
But you know I can't help but try..
Go in so deep..
Drowning in nothing but you..
Cant blame me for trying..
Believing you were it for me...
Insecurities..
Jealously..
Always getting the best of me..
Got that attitude..
Cant be wrong..
I dont mean to frusterate...
I cant help but feel this way..
You're hard to resist babe..
But im bad at this...
Im bad at love...

Nested in the snow..
I bask in the suns glow..
I think about our fights..
Nothing but frozen ice..
You fire words, left and right.
but all they do is ricochet.


I know you're thinking you've won this fight.
That I'm paying the ultimate price.
But your so wrong, because its not costing me anything.

When I think about you now.
I realize that your love was nothing but, a waste of time.
I've finally left you behind.
You've made no mark on me.
You're not on my mind.
Please don't ever try and press rewind.


Its like I'm walking on snow.
Hearing the crunch as my feet walk away.
Im leaving no footsteps behind.
Leaving no trace of me for you to follow behind.
When all the things you said never carried any weight..
I came out untouched and I'm simply, leaving this place.
When will you get it? When will it all sink in...
I'm so unaffected.


When I was flying high, on fixing our marriage and repairing things.
You sat back and laughed and tried to clip my wings.
You shot me right out of the sky.
Sending me free falling into our mess of things.
You tried desperately to mend things.
Fake some kind of truth, make up lies.
So I'd forget about all your bad things.
Lies were so hot leaving your lips.
Freezing every aspect of trust until it didn't exist.


You tried desperately to place your blame and your guilt on me.
You wouldn't stop until you found fault in me.
You can project yourself, and hate so easily.

You already lost so give up and let me go.
This much you should of known.
All mad and spiteful because I didn't buy it no more.
You huff and you puff but I'm not blown away.


When are you going to get it?
All my love for you has melted away.
No more of your freezing rain.
The sun has melted all my feelings away.