And sometimes when I'm with him I have to do a double take because the words that spill out of his mouth are the same words that fell off the tip of your tongue. Sometimes he reminds me of you and in those moments I feel as though I'm suffocating and I just wish you would release your grip on me. I'm trying to move on but I'm too afraid of making the same mistake twice. So when he opens his mouth and your words fall off of his tongue, I'm scared of what we could become. I'm scared that he's going to be exactly like you and I refuse to put myself through that again- especially not after I've spent so much time rebuilding every wall I let you knock down. My walls are thicker now and I don't know how to let anyone in. I'm scared of loving someone again and having them turn out to be like you. And the worst part is it's not fair to him that I can't let him in. It's not his fault I can't have a conversation about dating without feeling like I can't breathe. It's not his fault that having other people acknowledge the fact that we have a thing makes me want to end everything and run in the opposite direction. And it's not his fault that he deserves the world and I just don't think I can give it to him. It's my fault because I look at him and I see a glimpse of how i could get trapped in yet another toxic relationship.
Sure, I've ruined it again!
Follow me around like I'm the actual
And only problem. You'll eventually get yours!
So you think I'm the ultimate biggest of fools?
(Well, for once and for all, check yourself!)
Nice people finish last, and there's nothing nice
About going around with personal problems, that I
Have to fit your personal standard, even when they
Are following all of the standard rules!
Glancing again, what happened?
Why did they die?
Have they seen us, the poeple?
For whom they fought bravely
Holding hope, the only weapon
The only inspiration, dragged out
Then go through every aspects
Slavery, prison, torture, death
Or more, living worse than death
You can see how it turned well?
And still ruining the whole respect
Hell, we brought the laws, divided
Race, cast, religion, gender, wealth
Can you think about anything else
Done with it, where they left, we start
The reality you feel
Is the illusion your insecurities have fed you.
The observations made become your assumptions
That destroy the beauty of the unknown.
The words you choke on
Distort truth to lies.
Then your silence feeds your fears
Until your heart begins to fill with doubt.
The possibilities dissipitate
Sabotaged any friendship, any hope, any adventure, any future.
Convinced by the anxiety that warps your mind,
You close yourself.
There's no way back through the twisted silence and physical separation.
Loving you was like playing with fire, enchanting to the eye but dangerous to the touch. Funny how all I'm left with are memories of getting scorched and scars from the burns you gave me,
yet no memories remain of your warmth that encompassed me or the way you lit up my night. You know what they say, fire destroys everything in its path.
- And I guess I was no exception
Where is the pianist in me
Where is the overly-enthusiastic musician
Who'd pick up any lyrics
And make it into a song.
Where did I lose my words
Where did I lose my will to write
Where did I lose my courage
To cry my heart out on a piece of paper
And bleed my fingers on a guitar-string.
Where did I lose my random scribbles
Where did I lose my unabashed thoughts
Which I would often lash out on empty canvases.
When did my creative block
Turn me into a mechanical machine
And make me forget that
My right brain works better than the left one.
Where did I lose my faith
In this bloody human race
Where did I lose my friends
And all those who loved me?
Where did I lose my
and when did I lose myself
To anxieties and the blues?
Is this real or a dream?
Where did I lose my courage to live?
Can someone find it for me?