the curve of your neck
the tilt of your head
the shape of your lips
shiny eyes as tears are shed
shattered glass
in the corners of your eyes
glittering slivers
never-ending highs
the way you move
the form of your thighs
the flick of your wrists
whisper pretty lies
tongue tasting
liking what it finds
can't escape the friction
twisting in your binds
pleasure taking you
out of your mind
wanting it forever
but running out of time
all on your own
watching you sway
moving to the rhythm
you know i'll stay
lost in you
drinking you in
hope you remember
my lips on your skin
look at me
with suffocating green eyes
fingers interlaced
underneath ashen skies

Calling out, I hear her name now
Falling now, I've never even seen the ground
Trust in sound, the truth could never persuade
Hear me now, I'll never seek to replace you

I can see her messy hair in my nightmare
An angels smile and piercing eyes, this fear is not fair
I've given love, I've given lies, I've given blank stares
I've broke inside, and cannot hide, that I don't care
I've been living, breathing constant calamities
Existant on the false notion that we are born free
The leaky faucet always seems to undermine my speech
I'm sideways drifting in a system come and follow me

It's in my mind playing over and over
She's my best card and so I know I gotta hold her
The perfect moment always seems like a fantasy
A slave to my own misconceptions guess I can't be free
Slowly the moon comes in and chokes out the sun
I'm so out of touch with reason that I've lost my love
Making memories of self inflicted verbal warfare
I'm addicted to this substance and I can't care
Empty hallways make me revisit my childhood
And empty feelings all I find when I should feel good
I'm slowly making my way into a revival
I guess I knew that all along
I'd have to die first

I can see her messy hair in my nightmares,
Blackest eyes like soulless voids give me a scalding glare,
Torn asunder is the room that she would meet me
Her every word a hate fueled curse made to defeat me
I'm a lion in the pit of her anotomy
She got this rope around my neck and swears to God I'm free
It's copacetic all the torture that we give ourselves
Recite the mantras, karma sutra, what's your mental health?

I'm down with the dirt but youre trying to bury me
Can't stop this sin-seeking self fullfilled prophecy
Dabbling mystic
I'm channeling spirits
Fueled by the desperate, I give up my last breath, please read all my subtext, forshadowing what's next, we lean on the substance to balance our morals and rewrite our systems to claim holy laurels
I'm testing it,
Invest in it,
I can't wait, to lay to rest in it
Testing it
Invest in it
Testing it
Make it flip Make it flip OUT!

This must be destiny

I hear echoes of warnings from my former self ricocheting in my head

This must be deserved for the plethora of ways I have hurt people

To mark me with pain I will remember and maybe be a better person

This must be fate
There was no other way out

I still hope things will improve but I think this suffering was intended and therefore my punishment must be served

A prince in imagination
A prisoner in reality –
Lost between two worlds
What a lad to do?
Options,
Sleep or stay awake
As the biospheres keep switching,
Cherubs cry for the lost
Nervousness fences like invisible steel cage
Do I hold on to the thought in mind
Or bear the anguish of reality?
Topsy-turvy, troubled, tripped, tumbled…
No matter how hard I try
To free myself, I can’t
The struggle is real
In mind, soul and body

I am a prisoner,
A criminal,
in the prison that I created in my head to keep me safe.

I was a guard,
I was in control,
But I made too many mistakes and became a criminal.
A criminal that gets told what to do
Wake up,
Eat,
Work,
Eat,
Work,
Sleep,
Everyday,
Nothing different.

I’ve lost control,
The villain, Fear and Anxiety, have won,
They control everything,
Creating too many rules,
Don’t say anything,
Say something,
Don’t say that,
Say something different,
Don’t eat that,
Stop eating,
Wear this,
Don’t wear that,
Don’t go out in public,
I can’t follow all of them,
Overwhelmed,
Increased heart rate,
Can’t breathe,
Help me escape,
behind bars no one can really help me,
They don’t see
see the uniform that I’m forced to wear,
see the metal bolted to my mouth to keep me from talking.

I’m scared to break the rules,
They keep me on a pedestal for them to laugh at me while I try,
For their enjoyment,
Forcing me into opposite directions,
Pulling me apart,
Piece by piece,
Until there’s nothing left.

Darling, you kissed my soul with your eyes,
And locked it up in your heart.
My soul made a home out of your heart
And it found peace in there.
One glimpse was enough to make me your prisoner,
And another one to make me addicted.
Our eyes met under the moonlight, changing my nights forever.

i am in a room

trapped

for a brief moment
the door opens

for three days
i go outside,

into a high fenced yard
I think i am closer to freedom

i sleep outside
afraid that if i go in
i wont be able to go back out

that doesn't stop them

i am in a different room now
no windows
no beds

i just want to go home