distracted by gleaming greens
emerging into the deep sea
the pitch black, ditch facts
invested in the diversity
shrugging off adversity
distracted by gleaming greens
birth in sea like Aphrodite
my descent is perfect timing

Sometimes,
When something bad happens-
Something so horrible,
That it hurts so much-
No matter what you're doing;
You don't care, what it takes,
To distract yourself from it all,
Do you?

I am feeling confused about what to do
This is really what I want
Both know it isn't my style
Lie or put on a front

We fight our emotions so hard
Live every day in denial
You really don't sense our love decreasing
Has been happening for awhile

We are just biding time until
Someone better comes along
Using one another for different gains
Symbiotic romance is wrong

Abusive to you at times
I cannot control my anger
You're just as abusive emotionally
My mental health in danger

Substance after substance into bodies
Distract ourselves from reality
Pain has ruined our beautiful love
All we planned we'll never be

Does my age affect how people think of what I do?
Do my looks alter what people think of my personality?
If I tell them my beliefs, would they hate me?
Can simply my gender change what something could have been?
Does my outward distract from my soul?

I distract myself
filling time slots and empty Windows
blaring nonsense instead of sitting in deafening silence

I beat at my own skull
pulling my eardrums out like string from my head
watch videos on tying nuces
anything,
to keep me busy
anything,
to keep me from doing the actual hanging

because right now
I'm sitting in silence,
and it's like a timer
it's like I'm just counting the seconds before I start crying
how long can I last?
1 minute,
2,
5
it's a waiting game
so instead
I distract myself
I watch TV
and YouTube
scroll through Instagram and Pinterest until I run out of pictures
I talk to myself
I beat myself until the thoughts go away
or... turn a blind eye,
until I'm so good at pretending that I can pretend they're not even there
until distraction is my second nature
because...
Don't you see?
Can you understand?
It's the only way I can stay alive