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Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
I am lifeless.
A heart without a beat.
A body without a soul.
A face without a smile.
Ripped of my innocence and left with the empty shell of who I used to be.
The terror-filled nightmares have me screaming.
I just want everything to stop.

Why am I suffering? Am I the only one?
The only one who cries herself to sleep.
The only one with lines drawn on her arms.
The only one dealing with the shrieking voices in her head, telling her to end it all.
Why do I have to suffer?
How can I be filled with life but remain empty?
Where did it all go?

I feel it. The warmth.
On my skin, but never inside.
I’m cold. Alone. Dead.
Never to know what a smile is. What it feels like.
It was difficult to remember. My smile.
Soft but contagious, it had stained my lips like blood.
The same blood I tasted as I bit my tongue hard to keep from screaming.

My insides are too damp with uncried tears.
I am just a hollow plastic doll with a painted happy face.
The mirror lies to me. Bringing to light all my flaws.
Whenever I saw my reflection, I didn't know who was staring back.
Every day I plaster my face with fake a smile.
I can’t take it anymore.

I am lifeless. A lifeless heartbeat.
I hope you love it and be sure to comment what you think. And please read my other works!!!!
Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
"Please, daddy!"
You were walking so fast.
Too fast for my little feet to keep up.
Was it that easy for you to leave me?

You heard my tear-filled screams, but you never stopped.
You just kept going.
Farther and farther away, not even trying to get one last look at me.
I punched, pulled, and pushed trying to make you stop.
You didn’t.
You just kept going.
Leaving me behind.
"Please don’t leave me!"

Pain.
I remember it too well.
The heart throbbing pain.
We watched as you left.
Me and mommy.
My eyes were wet.
Hers were dry, cold.
As if she knew this would happen.

I looked into mommy's eyes.
Her brown eyes tangled with lies.
Lying to me for you.
How long do I have to wait for you before you realize that what you did was a mistake? What was the reason you stayed away for so long?
Was it all the stupid crap you did in the past or is it because you don’t want me anymore?

Since you left, I dreamed of your return.
The day you would wrap me in your arms and whisper in my ear,
"I'm sorry for what I did. I promise I will never leave you again,
my little Cookie Monster
."
Then I wake up, hoping to see you.
Praying that it wasn’t all a dream.
But reality soon caught up, and the dream quickly died.

I remember all the tears I had rushing down my face
as I saw you leave me and mommy behind, to never return.
I'm so incomplete without you, I need my daddy back in my life.
You deceived me, you said you would always be there.
You pinky promised.
You broke your promise.
How can I trust you again?

Do you still think of me as your "cookie monster" or
a daughter you never loved, a daughter you could leave behind without a single goodbye in the blink of an eye? I wish you were here to watch me grow up but we both know that will never happen.

"I miss you so much! Won’t you please come back to me, daddy?
I just need to see your face one last time
."
Am I that disappointing I need to work to make you love me?

Hey, daddy even if you don’t love me I will always love you no matter what happens.
I bet you didn't even think about how I would feel when you left.
No, you only thought of yourself like you always do.

You missed all my birthdays, first dates, father-daughter dances,
and you may even miss my wedding, not that you even care.
Did you know that I would wait for the postman to bring the mail and check to see if there was a letter for me? But there never was.
I eventually stopped going, knowing nothing was there for me.  

"Well, daddy looks like you really didn't care about me buts it's in the past. Now I have a family who loves me, stays with me, and likes for who I am.
I don't need you anymore
.”

Daddy, I still need you. Please, come back.
When I was 6, my dad was deported to the Dominican Republic. I remember visiting him in prison before he was booted out of the country. I was only a child then and I don't remember much but the pain is still there. I didn't ever write down my feelings until my English teacher assigned the class a project where we had to write a poem about a struggle that impacted our lives. It was not the best and as the years went by I would add more to it, pouring my heart and soul into it. I think the day presented my poem to the class was the day that I wanted to become a writer. I hope you love this and be sure to comment your thoughts on it. Also, check out my other poems!!
Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
The ones who walk away
Are the ones who don’t care,
They can’t be bothered to do so.

The ones who walk away
Understand pain and suffering,
They can’t see it happen again.

The ones who walk away
Are filled with regret and hate,
For they to have been thrown away.

The ones who walk away,
With tears down their face,
Leaving everything they love behind.

The ones who walk away
Found a purpose to move on,
They can’t let it slip away.

The ones who walk away
Are strong with their head held high,
As they don’t need to beg for love.

The ones who walk away
Have given up trying,
No longer able to tolerate it anymore.

The ones who walk away
Realized what others didn’t,
And set themselves free.

The ones who walk away
Fast and quick,
Never planned on staying.

I am one who walks away,
You are one who walks away,
We are the ones who walk away.

They are the ones that stay behind,
Watching us as we leave,
For they forgot that to make us stay
They need to chase after us.
The ideas for this poem came to me when I was in English class. We were reading "the ones who walk away from omelas" and it just came to me. I hope you love it and be sure to comment what you think!
Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
HOW DO YOU FORGET?”
How do you forget all the laughs we had, all the mistakes we made?
You FORGOT that when you met that cute guy and you knew his brother would be perfect for me.

HOW COULD YOU FORGET?”
And when the ONE person you want to call, when your back is against the wall, and you’re blocked.
***** to be you.

WHY DID YOU FORGET?”
WHY do you HATE me so much?
All I TRIED to be was a good friend,
but you THREW me aside like you would an old rag!
The illusions in my mind say,
that you’ll be beggin’ on your knees for me to come back,
but that’s all it is, a ILLUSION.

HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?”
WHY? Why does it have to be like this,
I thought our friendship could’ve worked?
But I was wrong, right?

You NEVER cared, not one bit, about me and you never will! WHY did I even think you did?
You really KNOW how to make someone WISH
they could forget, but no matter how hard they try, they just CAN’T.

So here’s my FINAL goodbye,
I hope you enjoy the life you have WITHOUT me!
So GOODBYE my dear “FRIEND”!

Bye-bye
This is about a friend that ditched me after I changed. She left, forgetting about me. I hope you love it and be sure to comment what you think.
Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
I'm always smiling.
I am beautiful.
My heart is not broken.
I'm fine.
These are not tears.
I do not miss you,
nor do I need you.

It's the truth.

No, I don't need your help.
yes, my life is wonderful.
He loves me.
I'm his only girl.

I'm not lying.

I love my friends.
They're always nice to me.
I am not being bullied.
I'm not alone.

I hate that I'm telling the truth.

My back is not pierced with knives.
I do not feel like dying every day.
I’m fine.
I’m okay.

It’s true that these are all lies.
I hope you love it and be sure to comment what you think.
Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
Don’t talk to me in that tone!
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

Why can’t you be more like your brother? He’s younger than you!
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

You need to lose weight! You’re too fat!
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

I am the mother! You are the daughter! I own you!
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

You are such a disappointment.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry mother.
I’m not the daughter you expect of me.
I will be
better.

Why am I never good enough for you?
You comment on my flaws, constantly, diminishing my already low self-esteem.
You compare me to others, saying how I should be more “like them.”
Will you love me if I’m compliant with your every wish?
I’m sorry I’m not your perfect daughter.
Stop reminding me that you love my brother more than me.

I’m sorry.
For being who I am.
For being different.
For bringing you pain.
For not being enough.

Please. Stop. Don't.
Your words. Won't leave.
My head. Hurts.
I don't want to listen.
Make it stop.
I can't take it anymore.
SHUT UP!

I’m sick of listening.
I’m sick of you.
I hate myself.
I hate you.

I know.
I should be more like him.
I know.
I am not perfect.
I know.
I do not have your love.
I know.
You hate me.
I KNOW.
I’m a disappointment.
this is a rant that I needed to get out the only way I know how, through poetry. Most Of it is true while some is made up to make the poem better. Like, love, repost, comment.
  Mar 2018 Evelyn Genao
antxthesis
Everyday I lose pieces of myself.

Looking back to a couple of days ago,
I found myself lost in the "whys"
Of my previous love
Or was it just a fling?
Like: "why wasn't I enough?"
"why did you stop answering my messages?"
"Why didn't we work?"
and "why can't I move on?"
Like "why am I still hypnotised to the sound your footsteps made
The last time you walked by?"
And "why, why the hell does this feel like I'm singing the same old song?"
"Why doesn't this feel new?"

Looking back to a couple months ago
I found myself rummaging through the remains of your mind
Trying to decipher the meaning behind everything you do.
Why one minute you love me and the next you don't.
Why one minute you're a book,
Free to open and to read
And the next, you're a closed door,
With a lost key.

I keep losing myself.
I lost pieces of myself in you
I should be used to this
But the thing is,
I had hoped to find myself in you.
Don't lose yourself in people things places or anything. It's not a nice feeling
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