I do not feel...
like myself,
Anymore.

she's a 10 but...
9 other times, she falls short of the way she's rated by the guys she has been with.
and 8 of those times she has been misunderstood by people she's met over the years.
7 other times, she's taciturn and not upfront of her feelings...
as she a little rough around the edges, clumsy if you're close enough to observe.
6 other imperfections have made her into an introvert...
she doesn't mind the way they look at her, or how bad her reputation is.
because 5 of the time she's feeding her pillow every night, with lonely tears, expecting it to grow like a plum blossom in spring...
4 times a day she's lonely...
ever so wanting to be needed
3 times daily she wonders about why her life feels empty, it feels stagnant and cold.
dependent on no one, while the in-dependency fails her in crucial times.
she's awesome in the most beautiful ways possible, on 2 occasions
she's the essence of a pure craziness and the epitome of all things good.
and most of all, there's none like her, even with all her flaws
she's the only 1 of her type!

Yhu have no idea of how much i adore yhu.
I adore yhu to a fault, that i ignore yhur faults.

Yhu have no idea how i adore yhu...
I adore to point where i almost fade away, and yhu are left standing at my peak.
 
Yhu have no idea how much i adore yhu
Yhu are like an addiction... Yhu keep hitting me, with yhur best shot.

Yhu have no idea how much i adore yhu.
The moon in tz entirety pales in comparison to yhu.

Yhu have no idea how i adore yhu.
I figuratively and literally bask in awe of yhu.

Yhu have no idea how i adore yhu,
Yhu absolutely have no idea, of how much i adore yhu, and i can't stress t enough. I adore yhu to the point where love seems like a small word to place what i feel for yhu under.

I adore yhu...

When she was asked to describe herself in three words.
She wept for the number of times, that she was abused.

For the number of times, people took interest in her, cause of her body.

For the number of times, she has let herself love, and got used for it

The one time she went through a bad day.
And no one asked her about it.

*Sigh, ("I need a hug" she thought)
Everyone thinks she's pretty.
"She must have lots of friends to comfort her.
All her friends want something from her!!
She walked away in tears..

She's too uptight, she should ease up
She's just a proud person.
"If only you knew, that she is trying to mind her business"!

She's a ****... I see her everywhere
I see her with different boys.
"Just because she decided to be free".
But how are you everywhere she is?

She's so pretty looking, nice shape too
Lovely attitude.
But why's she single??
"You didn't know, what her ex put her through."
For her to put on that smile, took hours of daily internal tears.

The difference between a poet and art is the individual.
The difference between a pastor and the imam,is the religion.
The difference between life and death, is greed.
And the difference between love and hurt, is time!

If the sun was an original light source.
And the mood reflected it.
Then our love was like an abyss
Sad... Lonely, lost.
I often pride myself with adoration for you, i would pray to God and thank him for bringing you to me.
But no matter how hard i prayed
Or how hard i tried to shine my light on you, so you could reflect it.
In the end you always looked at me.
With those eyes.
Those "pathetic fool" eyes.
I knew i wasn't good enough.
But i gave you way more than deserved.
Way more than enough.
My light was wasted in your abyss
My love was wasted on you.
You just didn't deserve me.

She slept through the new year's day.
On valentine she ate her chocolates alone.
On Easter, her eggs didn't have colors.
Her apartment hunted her, on Halloween.
On thanksgiving, her turkey got burnt.
On Christmas eve. There wasn't any sock to hang.
Mistletoe dried up!
Isolated in her own head.
No love here!

I write dark words, so I can feel light.
But if you're looking for light, then you should avert your gaze from me!

I look down on people cause I'm taller.
But I cannot be someone you look up to.

I'll use your waters to quench my thirst.
But I will leave you parched if you need my help.

I will now take all your kindness and leave you barren
I'll return it to you with wickedness
Then I'll deprive myself of the sleep!

I've seen the love you had to give.
It was a painful one.
Now I want to be the one giving it.

At some point in everyone's life
They need to be with someone
Or something.
A friend, a lover... Even an enemy
A teddy if you must!
An imaginary friend or an alien.
Everyone needs love at some point.


But not me.!
Please, stay away from me.!!
Thanks.

It's like a sumo wrestler, wearing lingerie.
Or a ship captain with a bicycle...
A love, for hatred.
Eating valentine's day chocolate, for easter.
Or giving a bible to an imam.
Your love was a constant reminder, that "smile, was indeed painful"
I'm glad you walked into my life.
You made me realize that love and i...
Are in a distant relationship, except!
We don't talk.
You're everything bad to my good.
And like serving cotton candy in a restaurant.
You and i!
We're things that don't fit.
Like a tear-in-a-cup-full.

She was like a dimple...
Nature's beautiful deformity.
She was like a rose...
So much thorns Even Jesus wouldn't bare.
She was like a goddess...
But her gaze will petrify you like meduza!
Now she's like water...
I only expect to drown in her!

She would sit outside...
Before the rain, and weep!
Not cry! But weep.

So that if she's caught, she'd say:
"Oh it's just the rain"

Pain was her constant companion.

On the rainy days.
She'll walk out intentionally
And scream out, like a banshee...
She'd beg God to take her life.

As she was too much of a coward
To commit suicide!

Even loneliness left her!

And she endured December.
Smiled for the new year.
Ate eggs for easter!
And waited for the rain.

So she could mix it with her dried up tears.
Happiness has become a distant memory.

For even the movie "joker" wouldn't play on her laptop!

...
Who would she tell??
Who would've listen to her unbelievable story!?

The rain didn't come early.
So in the shower she stood.
Drips of crimson being washed away!
Both wrists open!
Leaning with the right shoulder, till her body went cold.

It became too long, so she stood up, got the first aid kit, and patched herself up.

For even death did not want her!
Then came the rain.

People call it a fall.
****, i was sent down like a burnt match stick into a dumbster!
I am lucifer... The so-called
"Lord of the light"
Says you, who casted me into darkness, with a home so hot, that my regeneration can't keep up.
My fall was, thus, your second verse in your book.
Almighty in your thoughts, name and actions, and you still couldn't turn a blind eye to the actions of an over privilege kid.
I didn't introduce evil into the white golden land.
So ask yourself... Who did??

My name has become the next best thing.
Synonymous to any, every and all things horrible, bad and has nothing to to with me.
Who's fault is that??
You created beings to spite me, but they behave in ways that are and still even worse than what i did.
Talk about loving, discrimination.
Pathetic, little and finite lifeforms, that barely see a century, also who disregard your love for them.
And follow after frivolities.
**** this, i know i did wrong, but wasn't this also included in your great plan??

Without stain, without flaws.
Without blemishes, and with awes.
I stood at the peak, with no equal, except being second only to you.
In every way!
I leave a bright scent of indescribable perfumes, when i appear.
I'm beautiful, and the word doesn't even suit me.
I am the warmth in winter, the calm wind that soothes the mind.
That rest, you yearn for after a long day.
I am the calm in the storm, the complete life-form, there's none like me.
Yet, see how I've been reduced, they even sketch and paint me, looking like I've got horns and ugly.
All cause i fell.

Pheeew...
At this point, i feel like, i wrote the entire book of lamentations.
They say a Father's love extends, and it's on-ending.
Tch, we called you father
You called us servants... Messengers
Look at who you call children though.
Am i jealous??
**** yes!! Wouldn't you be??
Was i so wrong??
Isn't every parents wish, for their children to surpass them.
Or so i thought.
So i wanted to take your position, it felt cool to be the first for once, so i took the opportunity.
Except maybe, you never actually saw me as a child.
We were in this together, through the time i was made eons ago, i watched the others formed into creation.
And because of that... It got into my head!

I wonder if they don't see our efforts.
Just because we don't show our tears
Doesn't mean, that we have none

I wonder what they'd think of us, if we stopped lying...
They wouldn't know, that the truth will tear them apart.

I wonder what they'd do, if we stop loving them?
Would they be relieved, or would they cry??

I wonder if they'd cry after seeing our tears.
But you know...

Boys cry too!! We just smile better.

I am blind...
too blind, blinded by the way yhu love me,
so let me feel like you.
let me take the fall if it brings you joy
let me hold you with my words...
hold me in your heart
so bold enough, so that i... who is blind in love,
can feel you, like a blind man
just like a blind man, let me love you in braille

Sometimes... It's good that we fall and break.
So that maybe, just maybe we could be remade from our pieces!
Even shattered glass shines,
When light is Illuminated to it!

We are still going to be friends right??
We won't forget each other...
Right??

One can't make up for loss of sleep.
Also can't make up for lost time.
Definitely not of lost love!
You can't make up for losing me...!

Even though I have been on my best behavior all year.
Santa won't come for me!
Sad...
But true!!

Read carefully...
If you collected a penny for every time i cried over you.
You'd be broke!
My love for you, withered like a fairy tale, a long time ago.
Each time i see you, i glow up like an anime character!!
Nah, that's a lie, i ***** in my own mouth.
You were like the rush a child gets from much sugar in take.
Now you're like the vinegar that was fed to Jesus!
I'd love to keep this false love going.
But I'm too lazy for the circle.
I'll just keep saying "i love you" so you could keep feeling like you're deceiving me.
But he who laughs last... Laughs what??
Nah, he who laughs last will be an idiot left alone in the room.
That's what you are right now.

It's nothing personal...
Yet! These days, i feel, like,
Love is a waste of time.

wheww...
"How are you today??, or everyday"
would it be alright if i gave the usual answer??
"hmm??"
i am pretending to be fine...
"pretending?? why though??"
these days, i feel like a stagnant water
i feel like i'm lost at a road filled with many paths to take
"oh my, that's a dilemma"
"hmmm. but why not pick one path to take??"
what if i fail again? what if it's the wrong one??
"but what if it's the right one"
all the roads on those paths lead right back to me, the start point
i want to cry, i want to scream
i want to say how i feel
but there's no audience!!
"try talking to me then"
to us?
"your demons aren't always out to get you, most times, we want company too!"
but i have the demons from other people too!
"oh, those guys??"
"we'll accommodate them too, just talk"
...
i want to be loved!

Sun rays in the morning, smelling dew with a hot coffee to go with.
Cannot be compared to the quintessential beauty you emit.
I can't lie you're so fine...!!
I bet God cursed for the first time when he made you.
He was like "holy smoking ****, I'm good"
I bet he resisted rest on the seventh day, just so he could design your smile.
Do you believe in love at first sight??
Or should i come back tomorrow??
Mon Cherie...
If i appear on judgment day, and I'm asked how i spent my life,
I'd say i spent it thinking about scenarios of us, about moments that won't happen, but I'd like to lie to myself.
Hey!??
I think I've lost my way, so...
Could you show me the way to your heart??

If joy was a form of sin.
I'd have been locked up in the deepeat parts of hell.

Imagining you walk past me
I felt like a background song...
I've dreamt dreams, that the god of dreams would not approve on.
Like a child with a runny nose, after eating a spicy meal.
It's how my heart melts each time i smell your presence.
And even though
You fade a little faster than you appear, it's enough.
I planned to write three poems today
But your name filled the wordings
Of all my A4's
Now I'm in a daze.
Is this love??
Or would it pass away??

What we had was so much, like a full cup spilling over.
Look at us now.
we can't even find a cup
To contain our emptiness!

I thought I was a child of the light.
But darkness feeds off of me!
It's meticulous, and meticulously contaminating what's left of the reflection... Reflection of the light I once possessed.
These days my demons are bored
They say every time they chase me...
I don't run!
I hope for nothing, I seek nothing!
So whenever I get drained by the darkness, I start to bleed words on a paper!

Do you know it's been, ** days since you left??
You were right you know, I'm a ****** poet.
But john, i don't cry anymore like a baby.
But when i think of you, i look like how babies cry for milk.
Dear john, i still haven't finished the anime we started together.
It feels like the main character is dead.
Did you isekai by chance?
Dear john, will i be owkai??
Dear john, don't you think you're a bit selfish?? Dying all up on your own.
Seeing the cold razor-sharp edge of a short blade, on the floor, close to yhur now cold body.
Strangely i felt Warm, i was putting on your hoodie of shame.
Dear john, does it mean that God couldn't answer your prayers so you went to ask him instead??
But dear john??
Who would remember you, after my blade takes a deep dive into my veins??

I don't do poetry 'cause i was forced to.
I don't write 'cause I've got hands too.
I don't do poetry 'cause i want attention.
I don't write 'cause I've got lyrics and dedication.
I don't do poetry 'cause i want people to see.
I don't write cause my words are as vast as the sea.
I do poetry because i can be me, and i write because in those moments.
Nothing else matters.
It's like a twisted relationship between my mind, and the universe, the ink. And the paper, it's like I'm complete, in an incomplete way.

When you told me, that you misplaced your own key to the house!
I was a little glad and worried.
Glad cause i didn't want you to come back here anymore.
Worried cause I'd be so lost without you here!

Love comes with the season.
Or so they say.
But the seasons come and go.
So, do we play??
We are stranded here, off love...
Do we stay??

We always fall in love.
But we never fall out of it.

I stood up, in love.
Since all we do is beat around the bush, for heartless things, we used our hearts, less for!
I can't live with you, but I'd die without you.
What's left to smile about, when the man of my dreams, slowly walked into my nightmare.
I hate you, but if you kiss me...
Something asleep in me, might wake.
Stop coming close to me.
I can smell the cologne of your audacity.
I love you, but it's for my own benefit... That you shouldn't know.

Gave mankind will.
But want us to still do your bidding.
Sometimes, in myself, i feel like I'm not myself.
Maybe the image of self, is a delusion of one's other self.
What if i was the alter ego, and it was the real self??
What if mankind wasn't created in the image of gods,
What if gods was formed out of the image of man??
They say gods are born out of wishes.
So, tell me. Who wished first.
Are we made for gods, or were they made for us??
Cause it feels like mine has abandoned me.
Or was it i, that abandoned him??