And then I watched
as your smile stiffened
(imperceptibly, you thought)
and your embraces grew shorter
(I wouldn't notice, you told yourself)
while your laughter rang, forced,
(at least you were trying)
and when we fell asleep,
(you thought this would be)
I saw only your back.
*(more comfortable.)

If you had 3 wishes
would you spend them all on yourself
wishing them away on love and wealth
or would you stop and think

maybe I can change the world

would you choose to be a good dancer?
or would you cure cancer?

would you want to be younger?
or end world hunger?

would a sign with your name say: Featuring?
or would you end world suffering?

I lost you purposefully,
dropping shreds of you on
every step I took
back for myself as
I walked away. First, the songs
you sang in the shower,
testing your lungs, dissipated
like the faint sheen of water
adorned you upon emerging,
a full-body halo. Next,
the songs you would hum to me
quietly, when I couldn't sleep, ends
trailing off as I surrendered to slumber-
I let their unravelings reach
the middles, now, until they fell from me,
the trappings of a life gone, threads
moths of forgetfulness gnawed
from around me, until I stepped
out of what was once
my only covering, protection,
and walked away. Finally,
I tried to reclaim the songs we
had shared, the songs I had loved
and you had loved me
with, the ones you had quoted
to try and convince me how true
how faithful you would be, the melody
I could always return to, the melody
I could always rely on.
I failed. They will always
remain yours.
I lost you purposefully, and with you
went bits of myself.

Maybe it's my fault
but
Maybe it's not

Maybe I care too much
but
Maybe you don't care enough

Maybe I trust too much
but
Maybe I don't trust enough

Losing you proved harder than
I'd ever imagined.
So I took the memory
And pretended it never happened.

I buried you,
In the corners of my smile,
And hid you in the gaps between my teeth,
And every once in awhile,
I shone you,
In an attempt to conceal my grief.

I bottled your scent,
And put it in my pocket,
I captured those enchanting eyes
And placed them in my sockets.
I tuned your name into the beats
Of my heart,
I sewed you perfectly, into me,
So as not to tear myself apart.

I took that warm touch of yours,
And carried it in my hands,
I took that soothing voice,
And placed it into bands,
That I laced through my hair,
So when my levels of despair
Reached boiling point,
I'd never forget, that you were there,
That you had always cared.

I took your reassuring grasp,
So I'd never walk alone,
I kept your number,
Tucked neatly in my phone.
I took your kind and gentle ways,
And reinforced them to myself
As the days,
Passed by.

People told me I should start to let go
And I simply replied
With the answer of no.
Because letting go,
Means losing all of you,
And call me crazy,
But that I could never do.

Snapdragons are one of those
flowers that wilt in springtime, not
because there is
anything wrong, it's just
that their season is over.

I wonder whether
snapdragons ever fall
in love with the hawthorns,
though I really shouldn't
have to.

I know all too well the
feeling of having to love
someone perennially as
you both alternate dying,
for lack of rain,
for want of sun.

Honey take away the blade
From those innocent little wrists
You're far too precious
To hurt yourself like this.
Baby, take your fingers
From down your throat,
You're far too beautiful,
To make yourself gag and joke.
Sweetheart, empty those pills,
From your hands
You're far too gifted
To slip through the sands
Of time.
Darling, take the fist away,
From your head,
Your far too special,
Take your fist to a pillow instead.
Angel, take all those self destructive thoughts and hold yourself in your arms,
You're worth so much more and deserve so much better,
than to cause your self harm.
I promise.

Death made you a thief, love.
While in life you gave
everything, selflessly and endlessly, death
has made of you
a thief, stealing and taking-
back- all that you were

taking back everything you graced
to our world- your laughter
and angers, your happiness-

you take everything
I (never thought) was (yours)-
my sleep, my happiness
my heart.

Death made you a thief, love,
but even in death
even as a thief
you have my love.