i am not a woman. but
my time in the shadows
has taught me
how best to love them.

yes, i have loved others
but my capacity
for loving women
is unmatchable.

years of denial,
turns to regret-
fueled yearning for
a love ‘unattainable’

until now.

what a gift it is
to love and be loved by
a woman.

I used to want a lover
Like the boys in the books
Until I met you,
Now I want books with boys who are
Lovers like you

I've been dreaming about a girl
With silver hair and icy eyes,
With pink lips and good vibes,
With the softest smile and skinny thighs...
She was the sun ray that kissed your face
After the cruel winter haze.
She was the gracious lioness,
Almost like a royal Highness.

But she was just a con
Because, c'mon ,
She told me she loved me,
That she'll never leave me
And then I woke up and she was gone
And I was left alone from dusk 'till dawn.

late at night, i lie awake
thinking of things i should have said
all the mistakes i've made
and signs i should've read

then think about what i can't live without
you, front and center in my mind
sometimes it feels like halfway love
almost, but not quite

still, parts of you make me whole
who i am and who i need to be
i think of love letters that weren't torn up
feelings of blue and green

when i'm without you
blank page, artless innocence
i realize how dependent i've grown to you
and feel the need to create a distance

sometimes i look up at the purple sky
and wonder if you're looking too
i gaze at the colors and the beauty of it all
though its beauty would never compare to you