Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
  Mar 2016 Red
Kristoffer Motil
i saw you in the moon

it was comforting. most people attribute their
       (eternity)
special someone to the sun. you were never that for me.
you were many countless, irreplaceable, unknown qualities
that i wanted. none of them were glaringly obvious.
besides, i am never in the light.
i am always in the dark.
       (the deep and lovely dark)
i am never lost there. i never needed a star to guide me home –
i was home already.
what i wanted
       (craved)
was the steady presence to remind me
that i was not alone.
the moon is always there, you know – even when you can’t see it.
so, i look up as night falls
       (that black curtain sweeping down, down)
and hope you’re somewhere
       (happy)
nearby, looking at that round rock in the blackness,
outshining all the rest.
i know it’s not a star, but i make a wish anyway:
your name
       (a prayer, whispered)
followed by three little words.
For Alyssia.
Red Jan 2016
I feel I'm getting sad again
I don't know how to scare it away
and I'm sick of it coming back

it's like a monster that hides it's way inside
and comes out when life becomes lonely and difficult
I had come so close to making it all the way back
and then I was hurt again by friends

so the sadness is returning
and my chest feels small and cold

but he makes me laugh
makes me giggle like a child
I just want to open up
but I am ugly and twisty on the inside
my ribs are made of barbed wire
and my heart has grown callouses

I look at my own body in the mirror
and what once was voluptuous again
has slowly become the skeleton I knew a year ago

I don't know what to do
I don't want to try to be happy
it's not so easy
I just want it to happen for me
please!!
just this once!
please!!
Red Nov 2015
They say that heartbreak stays with you
and love hurts when you are young
and that pain stays with you

I am trying so hard to move on
it gets easier every day
I don't even think of it most of the time anymore

But today while doing laundry
I found one of your curly black hairs again
why? HOW?! I literally yelled out

QUIT HAUNTING ME
You're like a zombie of my loved one still walking around
the old you is long dead
and whoever you are now stumbles in and out of my view

I am afraid
but if I show no emotion
maybe you won't try to eat my heart

It didn't hurt as bad
finding pieces of you here and there
but ******* it
it is still as exhausting
Red Nov 2015
happy birthday to the first love I ever had
although it ended uglier than I had ever wanted
this person helped me to find who I am and sparked the path of acceptance of everyone
I am now on my own way to trying to accept myself as well

This individual
thinking back
will always be what I want to find in other people
not in an obsessive way
but in a "you give me hope for the humans" kind of way
as much as this person was not perfect
or perfect for me even

this individual showed me that love is possible
that there is such a thing as that feeling of completeness
the feeling of rejoice after finding someone who accepts one's flaws

it showed me that it is possible to think someone is beautiful in their worst state
I know this
because although the love we shared fleeted from beneath us
and our sad hearts broke even more
I am still able to sense this feeling
and what it had been
and that it is alright to cry for what was
and that it is natural for such a feeling to drive you mad
turn you into a ghost of your past self

So Happy Birthday to the first person to make me truly feel for the first time
and despite all of the pain and what ifs
I wish nothing but for this person to find a sense of worth
in themselves and in this world
Like I found in him
Red Oct 2015
yes I am filled with doubt

I have two people in my head constantly arguing
about my worth

but one is stronger than the other

one is my demon
this demon whispers in my ear and reminds me of how everyone has hurt me
this demon tells me I deserve it
this demon reminds me bad things happen to bad people

this demon has won battles
scars here and there
physical and mental
but battles do not win wars

everything I have been through in my life
I have won
I prevail
I pick myself up
and I start over
again
and
again

i remember when I was 13
and tripped during a race
only to get back up like a spring
and finish it with blood running down my knees

so I will finish this life
no matter what my demon throws at me
no matter how many days I spend in bed
because the sadness put a hole through me
i will finish this race
even if I have to do it with ****** knees
the demon will never convince me
to end my life
I will win
Red Oct 2015
you see a photo
of someone you loved
and they look so beautiful
you fall again
sigh

why did I have to fall in love
for it just to end
love it is so fragile
and I couldn't take care of myself
let alone take care of us

I don't even miss us anymore
I just miss you
I just wish your face didn't bring so much pain
but I guess
it wouldn't be so painful if I didn't still love you

so I'll continue to wait
until it fades

(please God if you are truly there let it fade I don't think I can live through another 9 months)
(NINE MONTHS?!!??
I CANT GET OVER IT AND ITS BEEN NINE MONTHS)
Red Oct 2015
no one will be prettier than you and I together
no one will be compatible like you and I together
no one will be in love like you and I were
no one can love like we did
not even us

not right now
not for a long long time

stop looking at me across the way
either I'm no one or I'm the only one
Next page