can you believe you liked me first?
i can't believe i fell harder
you liked my green eyes
but they're not too good
my eyes didn't spot that you didn't feel the same anymore
maybe you never did
i liked your sarcasm
i liked the way you cussed
i liked your hair
maybe i'm a narcissit because those are my favorite things about myself
i didn't think about any of that though when you were holding another girls hand
instead i thought that the eyes you loved so much couldn't move away
they were betraying me,hurting me even more
i took in the girl
and wondered who was prettier between us
of course she was

now that you told me you love my eyes
i will always turn in your direction
greens your favorite color
so i hope my eyes are your favorite now

he spends money like its an ocean tide
as soon as it's gone more takes its places
he knows that it won't stop coming
i save money like rain in a desrt
it comes rarely and when it does its small
im grateful for my rain but sometimes i look at his ocean
and compared to him the water in my cupped hands seem so small

I wish my wishes were more possible or at least more tangible
my wish for happiness is impossible to fulfill
happiness doesn't come in bottles I can drink or pills I can swallow
it comes in waves and never stays long
my wish for people to change is also a difficult one
there is no one that you can change except yourself
I wish that they were realistic so instead when I fall I have something to reach for, a goal or a dream that could be accomplished, instead of grasping at air

I know that I'm falling
and you are too
and I know you will catch me
and I know you won't mind
but I don't deserve the faith you have in me
I'm not the person you think I am

i will always like the daytime better since its light makes it harder for me to succumb and easier to face stupidities straight on
what made sense in the dark is nonsense now

if you want me, look for me under your bootsoles
do you realize that when dead we are all the same?
dirt under a sole or maybe the dirt that lets a tree grow

"My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations."
See I have that exact problem
except my thoughts are more like hail
and hail can't form constellations

“I’ve put out a lot of little roots these two years,” Anne told the moon, “and when I’m pulled up they’re going to hurt a great deal."

Am i going to miss those roots as much as I think i am?

1.why isn't there a word in between love and like? one is too small and the other too big.
2.what do i call an almost love? a love where we would've ended up together if we had more time.
3.do i like you or the you in my head?
4.why must my best ideas come too late when if i turned on the light to write or hit the space bar on my laptop i will let others know of my unquietable mind?

u will never remember all the words you said to me
but i will always remember how they made me feel

if i knew the last time i saw you was going to be the last
i would've pushed through the crowd
shoved everyone away until it was just me in front of you
i would've wrapped my arms around you
shoved my head in your chest
would've said goodbye i'll miss you and how much you meant to me
but i didn't know
so instead i looked away as you searched for me
i blended into the crowd and willed you not to find me
i hate the past me

god i cry on the bathroom floor
if you're real take me
take me so i can be happy again
he left laughing while tears streaking down my face
he returned with a spoonful of pain
shoved it down my throat claiming he knew best
my mom prays to him constantly

I wish you were sitting next to me right now
your guitar would be in your lap and you would be strumming the perfect notes to settle my whirlwind of thoughts
my eyes would close and i would slip into the darkness

remember how the grass felt
and how our laughs were loud
and how the sunset made everything dark
and how i ran across the street
daring the cars to hit me
because at that moment i felt untouchable
and nothing could hurt me
and everything was perfect
and that was the present and now its the past
and our present doesn't feel like a gift we share but something i suffer by myself

you sit playing your guitar
you strum and the strings make a noise
which makes a line
which makes a verse
which makes a song
which makes me happy

i wish i could take the way songs make me feel and stuff them in my pocket
then whenever i just need an escape they would be there
i would get one, stuff it in my mouth and swallow like a pill
except pills are stupid and these would fill me

my head hurts
i don't know if its from the light from my phone
it probably is let's be honest
or from thinking of you
i think about you a lot though and have never suffered anything more than heartache
so im going to go with the former

i love the smell of salt in my hair
the feel of sun kissing my skin
i love the moon and her friends when they're reflected across the water
i love the sand that never leaves me and the shells that sit patiently in my pocket
waiting for me to admire them
and i love how fast the day goes and how when i run on the beach i think of nothing except of the air that goes in and out of my lungs
and how its impossible that this me
this me with a smile on her face simply because the cold water makes her happy
is the same girl who cries and screams when her body finally can't hold her feelings anymore and she overflows
because how can that girl exist when the ocean is reminding me to breath
the tide pulls in and out

the odds of us being alive are basically zero
so us existing at the same time is pretty extraordinary to me

even though i don't believe in heaven and gods and "everything happens for a reason"
i like the idea that some things are like fate
that they're destined to happen no matter what
that our relationship was so magnificent
that the stars crossed right just for us
and i mean even if fates not real and i just lucked out
just existing at the same time in history at the exact same place as you is amazing

i never noticed how much humans express through touch until it wasn't an option anymore
never realized
that fast hugs because you're nervous i won't reciprocate
and play fighting
and jabs in the ribs after jokes
and tackles in warm cement
your smiling face pressed staring back at mine
and when our hands used to touch on accident
were so important to me until i couldn't do them
ur so close yet so far

i think im scared of love
of handing myself over to someone
of letting them bask in my secrets and knowing me deeply
of someone knowing who i am through and through even though i don't know that yet
so instead i trick them
i give them pieces of myself and make them seem important
i give them insignificant  details so they trust me
i trick myself into thinking that they love me
when all they love is the version of me that i play when i stand in front of them

the moon is my friend
she cradled me in my past life
she handed me to my mother when it was time for a new one
she gave me fruit when i was younger
sometimes she leaves
but she always returns

when the living finally sleep and our minds go blank
we escape into the clouds and that's when we can see the stars up close
and reunite
dead and alive
stars and not stars

when we die we turn into stars
we live in the sky
and at night our light covers the living like a blanket
and in the day we watch over them
and even though they can't see us
we are there