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Julia Lane Oct 2013
I get it, my problems aren't that bad.
Worse things happen to better people everyday.
I live in a costal, wealthy, yatch club town,
Officially an only child,
With my judgmental sister spending her freshman year in Manhattan.
I live with my favorite parent,
who doesn't care what fun I have
as long as I'm honest and safe,
and of course I get my schoolwork done,
and the other who drives me insane
is fortunately not in the same area code as me.

But it hurts
To be the listener for the people who created me
As they speak horrible things about each other,
Express their loathing for one another.

To be so broken
And not to know what do to about it..
Self abuse is in my rearview,
but I just hate talking about myself so much.
I've gotten really good at bottling up
And moving on
Just letting my bad thoughts and feelings
Dissolve into worthlessness.

But sometimes it ***** to be alone.

I just wish you were here to tell me I'm not
and that you love me.
Sam Temple Mar 2015
whats up
comin at cha
from a different perspective……
I
don’t have to be a gangsta
pack heat
rock jordans
300 dolla feat
ice coated nines
blindin muthafukkas
actin all hard
causin a ruckus
I roll wit style
my own I made
not actin like a *****
still getting paid
I
been married 10 years
still eatin that same salad
real love is better
than ******* tryin to act valid
see if fake *** **** is what you sellin
my crew see threw
be handed out honeydew melons
I’m a new kind a rapper –
See I
help ya move
and loan cash
same friends
since way back
roll deep
smoke ****
life cheap
retire neat
buy a yatch
drive a jeep
grow my own
still a freak
I’m a different kind of rapper –
you can call me Sammy T
or MCDJPJS, if a please
i bring it hard
put ya on your knees
have ya starin up, mouth all agape
but when I still don’t touch ya
you be callin ****
try to knock me
down like Cosby
***** I’ll trap ya
sell ya *** to Pauly
feed ya mushroom
set you in a field
play some grateful dead
watch ya spirit yield
Im a different kind of rapper –
w.o.p. as always
Ignatius Hosiana Jun 2015
I'm planning to cross the ocean
I'm planning a swim under the sun
I'm planning to hit and follow the road
I'm planning to lift all my load
I'm planning to endure the hurt
I'm planning to fix my heart
I'm planning to tightly embrace
Water my faith and bloom in grace
I'm planning to give it another try
Even if it might as well make me cry
I'm planning to osculate again
And walk with you in the rain
I'm planning to forgive that day
Even if it still feels like yesterday
I'm planning to get up and get going
On a train, yatch or a boeing
I'm planning to lift myself from down
And instantly leave this town
Pulling my socks,tightening my laces
'Cause I'm planning on going places
There's a peace I seem not to have
I'm planning to find it, and to love
I'm planning to write another chapter
One that ends with happily ever after
Madame Lugones, J'ai commencé ces vers
en écoutant la voix d'un carillon d'Anvers...
¡Así empecé, en francés, pensando en Rodenbach
cuando hice hacia el Brasil una fuga... de Bach!En Río de Janeiro iba yo a proseguir,
poniendo en cada verso el oro y el zafir
y la esmeralda de esos pájaros-moscas
que melifican entre las áureas siestas foscas
que temen los que temen el cruel vómito *****.
Ya no existe allá fiebre amarilla. ¡Me alegro!
Et pour cause. Yo pan-americanicé
con un vago temor y con muy poca fe
en la tierra de los diamantes y la dicha
tropical. Me encantó ver la vera machicha,
mas encontré también un gran núcleo cordial
de almas llenas de amor, de ensueños, de ideal.
Y si había un calor atroz, también había
todas las consecuencias y ventajas del día,
en panorama igual al de los cuadros y hasta
igual al que pudiera imaginarse... Basta.
Mi ditirambo brasileño es ditirambo
que aprobaría su marido. Arcades ambo.Mas el calor de ese Brasil maravilloso,
tan fecundo, tan grande, tan rico, tan hermoso,
a pesar de Tijuca y del cielo opulento,
a pesar de ese foco vivaz de pensamiento,
a pesar de Nabuco, embajador, y de
los delegados panamericanos que
hicieron posible por hacer cosas buenas,
saboreé lo ácido del saco de mis penas;
quiero decir que me enfermé. La neurastenia
es un dón que me vino con mi obra primigenia.
¡Y he vivido tan mal, y tan bien, cómo y tánto!
¡Y tan buen comedor guardo bajo mi manto!
¡Y tan buen bebedor tengo bajo mi capa!
¡Y he gustado bocados de cardenal y papa!...
Y he exprimido la ubre cerebral tantas veces,
que estoy grave. Esto es mucho ruido y pocas nueces,
según dicen doctores de una sapiencia suma.
Mis dolencias se van en ilusión y espuma.
Me recetan que no haga nada ni piense nada,
que me retire al campo a ver la madrugada
con las alondras y con Garcilaso, y con
el sport. ¡Bravo! Sí. Bien. Muy bien. ¿Y La Nación?
¿Y mi trabajo diario y preciso y fatal?
¿No se sabe que soy cónsul como Stendhal?
Es preciso que el médico que eso recete, dé
también libro de cheques para el Crédit Lyonnais,
y envíe un automóvil devorador del viento,
en el cual se pasee mi egregio aburrimiento,
harto de profilaxis, de ciencia y de verdad.En fin, convaleciente, llegué a nuestra ciudad
de Buenos Aires, no sin haber escuchado
a míster Root a bordo del Charleston sagrado;
mas mi convalecencia duró poco. ¿Qué digo?
Mi emoción, mi estusiasmo y mi recuerdo amigo,
y el banquete de La Nación, que fue estupendo,
y mis viejas siringas con su pánico estruendo,
y ese fervor porteño, ese perpetuo arder,
y el milagro de gracia que brota en la mujer
argentina, y mis ansias de gozar de esa tierra,
me pusieron de nuevo con mis nervios en guerra.
Y me volví a París. Me volví al enemigo
terrible, centro de la neurosis, ombligo
de la locura, foco de todo surmenage
donde hago buenamente mi papel de sauvage
encerrado en mi celda de la rue Marivaux,
confiando sólo en mí y resguardando el yo.
¡Y si lo resguardara, señora, si no fuera
lo que llaman los parisienses una pera!
A mi rincón me llegan a buscar las intrigas,
las pequeñas miserias, las traiciones amigas,
y las ingratitudes. Mi maldita visión
sentimental del mundo me aprieta el corazón,
y así cualquier tunante me explotará a su gusto.
Soy así. Se me puede burlar con calma. Es justo.
Por eso los astutos, los listos, dicen que
no conozco el valor del dinero. ¡Lo sé!
Que ando, nefelibata, por las nubes... Entiendo.
Que no soy hombre práctico en la vida... ¡Estupendo!
Sí, lo confieso: soy inútil. No trabajo
por arrancar a otro su pitanza; no bajo
a hacer la vida sórdida de ciertos previsores.
Y no ahorro ni en seda, ni en champaña, ni en flores.
No combino sutiles pequeñeces, ni quiero
quitarle de la boca su pan al compañero.
Me complace en los cuellos blancos ver los diamantes.
Gusto de gentes de maneras elegantes
y de finas palabras y de nobles ideas.
Las gentes sin higiene ni urbanidad, de feas
trazas, avaros, torpes, o malignos y rudos,
mantienen, lo confieso, mis entusiasmos mudos.
No conozco el valor del oro... ¿Saben esos
que tal dicen lo amargo del jugo de mis sesos,
del sudor de mi alma, de mi sangre y mi tinta,
del pensamiento en obra y de la idea encinta?
¿He nacido yo acaso hijo de millonario?
¿He tenido yo Cirineo en mi Calvario?Tal continué en París lo empezado en Anvers.
Hoy, heme aquí en Mallorca, la terra dels foners,
como dice Mossen Cinto, el gran Catalán.
Y desde aquí, señora, mis versos a ti van,
olorosos a sal marina y azahares,
al suave aliento de las islas Baleares.
Hay un mar tan azul como el Partenopeo.
Y el azul celestial, vasto como un deseo,
su techo cristalino bruñe con sol de oro.
Aquí todo es alegre, fino, sano y sonoro.
Barcas de pescadores sobre la mar tranquila
descubro desde la terraza de mi villa,
que se alza entre las flores de su jardín fragante,
con un monte detrás y con la mar delante.A veces me dirijo al mercado, que está
en la Plaza Mayor. (¿Qué Coppée, no es verdá?)
Me rozo con un núcleo crespo de muchedumbre
que viene por la carne, la fruta y la legumbre.
Las mallorquinas usan una modesta falda,
pañuelo en la cabeza y la trenza a la espalda.
Esto, las que yo he visto, al pasar, por supuesto.
Y las que no la lleven no se enojen por esto.
He visto unas payesas con sus negros corpiños,
con cuerpos de odaliscas y con ojos de niños;
y un velo que les cae por la espalda y el cuello,
dejando al aire libre lo obscuro del cabello.
Sobre la falda clara, un delantal vistoso.
Y saludan con un bon dia tengui gracioso,
entre los cestos llenos de patatas y coles,
pimientos de corales, tomates de arreboles,
sonrosadas cebollas, melones y sandías,
que hablan de las Arabias y las Andalucías.
Calabazas y nabos para ofrecer asuntos
a Madame Noailles y Francis Jammes juntos.A veces me detengo en la plaza de abastos
como si respirase soplos de vientos vastos,
como si se me entrase con el respiro el mundo.
Estoy ante la casa en que nació Raimundo
Lulio. Y en ese instante mi recuerdo me cuenta
las cosas que le dijo la Rosa a la Pimienta...
¡Oh, cómo yo diría el sublime destierro
y la lucha y la gloria del mallorquín de hierro!
¡Oh, cómo cantaría en un carmen sonoro
la vida, el alma, el numen, del mallorquín de oro!
De los hondos espíritus es de mis preferidos.
Sus robles filosóficos están llenos de nidos
de ruiseñor. Es otro y es hermano del Dante.
¡Cuántas veces pensara su verbo de diamente
delante la Sorbona viaja del París sabio!
¡Cuántas veces he visto su infolio y su astrolabio
en una bruma vaga de ensueño, y cuántas veces
le oí hablar a los árabes cual Antonio a los peces,
en un imaginar de pretéritas cosas
que, por ser tan antiguas, se sienten tan hermosas!Hice una pausa.
                                    El tiempo se ha puesto malo. El mar
a la furia del aire no cesa de bramar.
El temporal no deja que entren los vapores. Y
Un yatch de lujo busca refugio en Porto-Pi.
Porto-Pi es una rada cercana y pintoresca.
Vista linda: aguas bellas, luz dulce y tierra fresca.¡Ah, señora, si fuese posible a algunos el
dejar su Babilonia, su Tiro, su Babel,
para poder venir a hacer su vida entera
en esa luminosa y espléndida ribera!Hay no lejos de aquí un archiduque austriaco
que las pomas de Ceres y las uvas de Baco
cultiva, en un retiro archiducal y egregio.
Hospeda como un monje -y el hospedaje es regio-.
Sobre las rocas se alza la mansión señorial
y la isla le brinda ambiente imperial.Es un pariente de Jean Orth. Es un atrida
que aquí ha encontrado el cierto secreto de su vida.
Es un cuerdo. Aplaudamos al príncipe discreto
que aprovecha a la orilla del mar ese secreto.
La isla es florida y llena de encanto en todas partes.
Hay un aire propicio para todas las artes.
En Pollensa ha pintado Santiago Rusiñol
cosas de flor de luz y de seda de sol.
Y hay villa de retiro espiritual famosa:
la literata Sand escribió en Valldemosa
un libro. Ignoro si vino aquí con Musset,
y si la vampiresa sufrió o gozó, no sé*.¿Por qué mi vida errante no me trajo a estas sanas
costas antes de que las prematuras canas
de alma y cabeza hicieran de mí la mezcolanza
formada de tristeza, de vida y esperanza?
¡Oh, qué buen mallorquín me sentiría ahora!
¡Oh, cómo gustaría sal de mar, miel de aurora,
al sentir como en un caracol en mi cráneo
el divino y eterno rumor mediterráneo!
Hay en mí un griego antiguo que aquí descansó un día,
después de que le dejaron loco de melodía
las sirenas rosadas que atrajeron su barca.
Cuanto mi ser respira, cuanto mi vista abarca,
es recordado por mis íntimos sentidos;
los aromas, las luces, los ecos, los ruidos,
como en ondas atávicas me traen añoranzas
que forman mis ensueños, mis vidas y esperanzas.Mas, ¿dónde está aquel templo de mármol, y la gruta
donde mordí aquel seno dulce como una fruta?
¿Dónde los hombres ágiles que las piedras redondas
recogían para los cueros de sus hondas?...Calma, calma. Esto es mucha poesía, señora.
Ahora hay comerciantes muy modernos. Ahora
mandan barcos prosaicos la dorada Valencia,
Marsella, Barcelona y Génova. La ciencia
comercial es hoy fuerte y lo acapara todo.
Entretanto, respiro mi salitre y mi yodo
brindados por las brisas de aqueste golfo inmenso,
y a un tiempo, como Kant y como el asno, pienso.
Es lo mejor.                             Y aquí mi epístola concluye.
Hay un ansia de tiempo que de mi pluma fluye
a veces, como hay veces de enorme economía.
«Si hay, he dicho, señora, alma clara, es la mía».
Mírame transparentemente, con tu marido,
y guárdame lo que tú puedas del olvido.
fluorescent May 2022
What really bothers me about this whole situation is how I know for a fact he’s just sleeping peacefully right now and I’m still wide awake wondering if my thighs are too wide or my skin isn’t clear enough or my jokes are too crass or there’s some reason he doesn’t find me attractive and therefore I am just an emotional support dog he gets to use in the mean time before he can run home to his girlfriend who is just some Freudian excuse for a mother figure. And i hate that it really was a personal thing when rejected with me because when they were at their worst, he still looked other places-any places for girls other than me. He really decided that the most annoying, disposable people were better options than i am because for some reason our connection makes us too compatible, too real to be an option and now im left looking like an idiot to everyone because everyone knows im stooping to his level for him to like me and he still rejected me and i don’t understand what about me is so off putting that everyone rejects me. Did i read too much as a kid, do i ask too many questions, are my arms to fat? I dont understand what i did that he decided i was almost good enough, or good enough in every aspect except for one. I genuinely think that if i was 30 pounds lighter he would have thought of me differently, flirted with me from the beginning, and now the issue is that since we’re friends- a position only reserved for girls ugly enough to never be considered, and he sees how compatible we really could be, he chooses someone else. And what do i really see in him? I always thought it was emotional intelligence but this semester has proven it to be otherwise. I hate how i am a provider for every group i am in, i never grew up out of the eldest sister role. One friend whines to go out to the bars and i accommodate no matter how much I didn’t want to go, i make another’s dumb jokes seem funny to others, i reach out to the socially rejected and try to create space for them and yet even those who love me the most prioritize their own needs because they "don't owe anyone anything." What’s it like to have relationships where you dont live in fear that youre not worth other people’s time? What’s it like to never consider how other people are feeling when opening your mouth? I cry randomly not just for myself but for his girlfriend because she probably feels the same form of neglect that I do and doesn’t even realize why. I know i look like an idiot, but she might look worse. But should i pity her? She behaves similarly to him. I don’t think i could even survive a relationship with him, too much to change for both of us. But honestly I’ve never met a man who can match me emotionally, he’s the only one who comes close. Hes smart, and kind and values communal support over his own. But also he’s a selfish *****. That’s what i don’t understand, how can he only want to **** me when he’s drunk? How did I make all of this up? How can he tell me I’m gorgeous "platonically?" i just feel like every choice I’ve made this semester has been so embarrassing and i feel like the embodiment of the character whose faults are commodified as modern feminism or some sort of coming of age Bridget jones narrative when in reality women like me are genuinely just treated like this all the time because we’re average. Average intelligence, average looks, etc. but thats the enraging thing; not only do i know im not average, I know im buying into misogyny every time i get angry. But im always angry. All the time. I can cry at the drop of a hat because of how angry I constantly am. I hate everyone I know and i hate that i could probably do it so much better than they are. I could be a better friend, a better boyfriend, etc, and i just feel so let down by everyone i know. I hate that everyone I’ve ever kissed has been ugly to me. Why dont attractive boys like me? Am i not picky enough? Do i think im more attractive than i actually am? I used to think that my personality could carry me because i know I have a good personality, but it has come to fruition that my personality has no effect. I’ve met some of the most boring and unfunny girls in my life and they always pull more than i do. Like as someone who isn’t attracted to them i literally want to rip my own eyelashes out than actually hold conversation with them and yet boys still are drawn to them. is he even capable of loving me? Is the friend zone this damning? Is it only damning because im subpar? Is this how his past girlfriends felt? Even she was able to hook up with him, he apologizes for even considering me. Does he consider me? Has he even considered dropping his girlfriend or is that just something he says when he’s drunk? How can what you say drunk not be something you mean at all? How can you be two different people? How does your subconscious differ that greatly? Will you regret this one day? Will you come around? I literally just can’t comprehend this rejection. I was so certain. I ended a relationship after 5 years because of my certainty. I dont know what im even expecting though, dating him would be kinda weird. Is this the kind of relationship where we get together in our 30s when there’s no drunk hookups on yatch parties left to be had. If i tried to make out with him this weekend at the yatch party would he reciprocate? I hate that my literal best friend in the world would use me. That’s the worst kind of loyalty. I hate that he’s so “loyal” to his girlfriend that he’d shake me off. I hate how he’s conveniently “out of his mind” when he’s drunk and calling me beautiful but conscious enough to not cheat on his girlfriend because that would be “too far.” Why am i too far? Why is considering me so damning? Is this love to him? He says he loves me, why does none of this feel like love? I think about him literally 24/7 and i know for a fact he doesn’t consider me until im looking him in the eye begging him to stop leading me on. Why did he choose to do this to me? Why does he only want me when he can blame it on the alcohol? Am I ugly enough that you need alcohol to justify your attraction to me? Should i try to kiss him this weekend for the heck of it or will that literally push me over the edge. Will that be the final straw? I am constantly trying to prove that what i saw was legitimate that i didnt just make the whole thing up. I hate this.
streams of consciousness. a friend who was a little more than a friend but only wanted to remain friends until alcohol was involved.
A man with a dream
Is No different from a kite
For they all lack vision and sight.
For some the sun shines East to West
But mine shines West to East,
So l have no time to waste.

I wasn't born with a Porsche
I never had a Yatch
I Never had a Country house nor a Country Club.
I never wore fancy Silk Blazers,
But my past does not define me and neither do my deeds or words uttered from my  mouth.

No one believes in me
I am all l have,
My ambitions are like echos from a cave.
But actions speak louder than words
And my dreams will never fade.
I look to the North
The East
The West
The South
But there is none like me
I am different, l am special, l am like no other that has roamed this earth,
They Try to hold me down with the system,
They secretly doctorate me and use Shackles and Chains to limit me.

But l laugh at them
For my dream is bigger than me, them or any man on this earth.
FOR I AM A MAN WITH A DREAM
And it is my only drive to the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Thoughts?
In my world, there is a boundless ocean so bountiful
It was tinted crimson like fresh blood flowing
Some places are calm, while some are raging
As I sail with my rusty sailboat and my fractured paddle

By what I saw, I was utterly bewildered
Bleeding people with smiling faces
Crying people in broken pieces
Now I know why the water was florid

Why do people do these deeds?
Ain’t it painful enough when they bleed?
Why do they continue loving, as if it’s their creed?
A crazy world, is full of crazy people indeed

I sailed near a shipwreck and found a desolate man
He was staring into space, maybe the horizon in his sight
What was ever beautiful as it is ending, the setting sun
I asked him his experiences and this he told with all his might

There is always a possibility of failing to reap what you sow
But we still love, for we might be the victor, who knows
Then why do we love? Isn’t it for happily ever after?
When that happiness fades, do we then surrender?

No, no! Never lose hold! Just hold on tight!
A couple in a luxurious yatch chimed in
The storm will pass as you endure the rain
You’ll see, if you both survive, a future brighter than sunlight

But then a free spirited surfer interjected with glee
Why must we endure if all we feel is pain?
Like what he said, in the end we may not reap the grain
If they can free each other, why prolong their agony

You are and will not be wrong to start it and continue to hold
But, I say, your resolve may be weak, to see it to the end
Or time had caused its toll, and behold!
This is what happens when your will eventually bend

Still, don’t worry dear sir, your boat is maybe broken
But I know and experienced, time will do the fixin’
And you’ll sail once more after you stand up when you’re down
Unless you decide to end it all here and drown

Time does it magic without end
To further bond, eventually erode or slowly mend
Love and time in a sense is eternal and relative
Farewell now wanderers, we still have a life to live
Nayela Murtaza Apr 2020
Why must I be interested in what you have to say,
Should I say what i want to say,
It may be recieved properly,
Or it may not,
It is the truth
Is it not ?,
I am gazing at the starry night,
You are looking at the yatch that floats over the dark ocean,
It is the same,
But you are real and I am not,
It is my world that is small,
It is not that i am on a plastic globe,
Why won't you see me like I see myself,
Are my eyes playing tricks or
Are all of you mad.
dilshé May 2021
If truth was a colour
                                     then man's colourblind
something in existence
                                            something you can't find.
If truth was a sound
                                             then man wouldn't hear
seen as a blurry
                                             yet something so clear.
If truth was a feeling
                                                      then man would be numb
or truth came with danger
                                                     yet man would succumb
If truth was a deer
                                              we'd be the hunters
like finding a rose
                                                           in the dead of mid-Winter
If truth was a sea storm
                                                 then we'd be the yatch
That drowns in curiosity
                                                          consumed by the lot..........
The truth about the Truth

— The End —