I'm only going to say this once,
so you better listen closely.
It isn't you that I hate
it's her, well mostly.
And if you kicked her to the curb
then we could be together.
But since you are infattuated
that will happen never.
This isn't up to me,
you're the one who's choosing.
I'm a winner either way,
you're the one who's losing.

I think I'm always going to be that piece of gum.

Not the one that's a metaphor from Selma, whose all hateful because someone "chewed her up and spit her out". Not the one that got stuck in Mikail's shoe and just added to his already climbing pile of ****. Not the one that got caught accidentally in Isabel's best friend's hair and had to be cut out with scissors and made them trust each other even more.

I mean the one that was offered from that nice girl in school who had a nice backpack and whose name you'll have forgotten long before she's gone.

I'm absolutely terrified of being that piece of gum.
Almost as irrelevant as the girl herself.

It's not
like the movies, or shows
the books and the novels.
hollywood's way of
cheesy gimmicks.
It's not
like the Hunger Games!
Where people are injected
with sweet venom of
credulous lies.
Where 2 tributes disappears.
Every year.
Because,
right now, right here,
we have more.

It is 2053.
Promises long gone.
Contracts expired and
conspiracy failed.
Betrayed.
Lied to.
Indoctrinated.
Abandoned.
Hands over heads.
We, at the mercy of
the Red Dragon.
His highness roams.
We, losing our grasps,
collapsing.

I dreamed a home of peace,
safe, with freedom.
But it crumpled into
a million pieces.
No more teases.
When they had won.

Some people fled.
Unbearable of
the roads, tainted red.
They got lucky.
But I'm just a fuming middle aged
worthless powerless whatshername.
Talk about pity.

"I'm young!"
But you'll grow old.
And I tell you of this.
I warn you of this!
Because I see it
so clearly,
so vividly,
in your eyes.
I see no future of us.
Just our minds twisted.
Blood and gore mixed
with all that we witnessed.
Just healthy looking robots.
Patriotic robots.
Who has forgotten
everything.

Here I am again, it's 4pm.
Online searching "Ways to Combat Depression"
How did I get into the mess I'm in?
It's only 4pm.

The sun still filters through my window.
Cindy Whatshername says it raises serotonin.
How am I ever going to win?
It's...it's only 4pm.

All day long I felt the pressure,
Pounding like a hammer in my head.
Remind me how I'm not already dead?
It's only 4pm.

It's afternoon and the lists are full:
Vegetables, vitamins, a positive outlook.
But Cindy, I'm sorry, I can't buy your new book.
It's only 4 pm.

Once the sun has fled, it's true, it feels dark.
I never really appreciate its light.
But now it is a weapon in a fight.
Oh look, it's 4:02pm.

How early in the day can you regret it?
Waking up and going out at all.
These are just dumb ways to slow the fall.
And pass the time until it's later on.

Watch funny movies, do yoga, try a new sport.
Take supplements, read books, set up goals.
Get some sleep, try to have some fun, and you'll feel whole.
I've done all that. It's only 4 pm.

I don't need advice I've tried already,
I've done all this so many times before.
I don't want to feel defeated anymore.
God, it's only 4!

They say it's caused by anger,
Well, I've got that.
I've got plenty in my life I can be mad at.
I've got hours to explain.

They say you have to face what you've been hiding,
Well believe me, I have really tried.
And several times over again I've died.
And you know... it's only 4pm.

It's 4pm and here I am, alone
Watching a funny show, researching
"Ways to Combat Depression" and I'm searching.
I know someday my search will have its end.
But...I don't know how to do this,
And how am I going through this?
Isolated within memories I always miss.
Toes curling the at edges of a darkening abyss.
And it's too much to continue to dismiss.
And it's
And...it's....

It's only 4pm.

I see this town from a far
sitting in the quiet car
the raindrops dripping on the window

Its been twenty weeks
Twenty weeks of procrastination, meeting new people,
and trying to forget what I used to be
I forgot why I saw on that see saw.

I pull up to a vacant house
the house that I once called a home
yet the monsters have scared my family away
I uncertainly opened the door
as I ponder about the idea that I may have went to the wrong house
“I swear I opened out my christmas presents here”
“I swear that these were the stairs that I trekked every school day”
The thunder the constant reminder that I am not dreaming
and this is my house
I start to switch up the lights to see the damage that the monsters have caused

I see my mother was ripped off of these flaky walls
and the wind blew her away
yet you can still see of her love hiding in the light
I see my brother and sister as been torn by this monster
there is a brick wall that separates them apart
you see they are divided
yet their souls are poking through the cracks trying see them again

I found my mom today
she is filling my gears up with her gossip
she tells me stories of the monsters eating people up

When I went to the grocery store to get food on tuesday
I saw one of my friends checking out
he told me he dropped out because
the college life was not for me
but all i see is that change scares him shitless
because if he changes then he has to deal with this town
this ******* town
He says he wants to go to France but he can't find the time
but all I hear are his comfort zone shrinking away to a pebble on the ground

When I was walking home I saw that one girl
whatshername
That one girl who kicked my shins and give me that letter
where did that letter go, I never got the chance to open it
She was that one girl I say picking petals of of that sunflower
but She looks different
the town tore her apart
she live in the past as I keep climbing into the future.

Now I climb into this car
to go back to my new home
yet I will never Photoshop the scares off of my past with this town
I live in this town
this town that has become a monster

Another day another number
Another day another empty bedside
Another day to smell the hair on the pillow sheets
That cocoon me with my frantic mind
Another day acting like
Sleeping with different girls every week is fun
Another day of being called a ****** slayer
By your friends who wish they were like you

Why oh why
Do I have to see these days pass by
Without being called a ****
Another day where men measure themselves
On how manly they are
By the number of girls you have slept with.

Sleep on this
I can’t sleep at night
As Whatshername’s
Hair brushes on my nose
I sit there thinking these 14 things
That seem to tug on shirt
Asking for my attention

1.) I hope she had fun tonight

2.) I hope this clock stays at 2:13am
maybe if I stare at it the minute hand
It won’t move

3.) I hope I can feel loved by her by another night
I want her to see
That I’m not just a ******
Craving her curves on my body.

4.) I hope she can see through the cracks of my smile

5.) I hope she sees that I’m not like everyone guy

6.) I hope I can make her pancakes when she wakes up
Before she escapes the person she calls a regret.

7.) I hope sun doesn't come up
Because I’ll have to walk alone in cold street called reality

8.) I hope she doesn't realize
The reason I have *** with her
Is to avoid to larger problems in my life.

9.) I hope that ****** worked

10.) I hope I can change my ways,
why can’t change my ways?

11.) I hope my dad’s leather belt
Isn't waiting for me
When I sneak back home,
Yet I’m excited to see it
Because I feel my father’s touch
Through the sounds of leather

12.) I hope my future son doesn't see me like this

13.) I hope my number of girls I've slept with stops at 13

14.) I hope I can stop

Stop
Stop
Stop
Whenever I try stop
All I can think of
Are those words
Floating around my head
Convicting me
That if people call you a “****”
“****** slayer”
“Man *****”
I just think to myself
“Well I guess I am who I am”
15
16
17

Fresh Start
New day
Blue Skys
What's the date?
So much to do
Where is the time
I'm ready now
Call the color line

The color's Peach
Which makes no sense
As it's a fruit.
Need to go
*** in a cup
In front of whatshername
Say it isn't so.