Like the smoke blown from each puff of your cigarette, we dance in the air being left to the guidance of the wind. Our journey is unpredictable, perhaps the only thing in my life not subject to my incessant planning and worry, you are the dancing flame the only real source of light here. The only warth that dances among the icey hallways and hollow rooms of my life.
There is no predictability in the wind. No known destination or definitive end. It scares me, you scare me, as I look into your eyes as we soar through the air and I realise you may be the one thing I truly could have no control over.
The side of me that guards my true self in a gated cell is terrified. Terrified that the walls it has built to keep my true self away from the life and person it wants to be may come crashing down from a simple blow of your mighty breath or a bat of your infinity eyes.
I've lived my life being scared of the wind, running from the outside avoiding open space, lest my hair be ruined or my well kept shirt be moved around but lately I haven't cared about that so much. Lately I hang out of my bedroom window and imagine your solo dance when I'm not around. You look majestic even though you'd curse me for saying so.
But I can feel you slipping away now, as the toll of bad timing and past trauma halt us like closed doors and building walls. I can see you slipping into just another status on my screen in three months time, wondering why the wind doesn't blow here anymore.
A random conversation asking how the others life has been before disappearing into our own uniquely different hells again.
Maybe that's how it was always supposed to go, maybe we were never a flame or raging fire, a great pyre lite to light up the night. Perhaps we were a firework, a moment of ethereal beauty revealing what the night could have been but never is in endless shadow.
We put on a good show, with terrified eyes and tender hands we exploded in a canvas of colour and energy.
I danced in the wind but for a second and I wouldn't trade the second for the night.
