I am seeking order in this chaos, symphonies in inexpressible thoughts
I am trying to attune myself to a reality I can’t hear.
Days pass darkly, tonelessly.

In my head, a cacophony of sounds are violent.
Broken strings of violins, the keys of a piano whose keys have been
Kissed by death. My heart has never known silence -
Reverberating within me is the sound
Of a bird that never learnt to sing, only scream.

I want things finer than words. Instead of this stasis – I crave orchestral magic. I don’t mind if everything I touch turns into a tragedy,
As long as it is art:
I want to master the laws of beauty, and then destroy them.

Tears rain onto cheeks as you watch
In my head wheels spin around
Speech crackling like phone line static
Words blurs barely making sound
How can it be I already epitomize alone?
You reassure me there's plenty of time
Doubts creep like morning fog
Mentally assessing mountain you must climb
Staring at fragile fingers
Present compared to past
Sun set in an instant
Night falling fast
Surroundings mostly hazy
Some parts crystal clear
Ironically what I witness best
Are the things I long to disappear
I'm left with knot in my stomach
Getting tighter with each turn
Wanting peace known as a child
Naivete time won't return
I bought one-way ticket to worry
Shouldn't have boarded train at all
Choke my sorrows and lungs with smoke
Drown yours in alcohol
Life nicer through a glass
Sure it ensures your fear departs
Pulse started pounding louder in my ear
Love wistfully contained within hearts
I cannot explain terror
Bleeding out
Hole will not close
Stubborn ways too old to change
Your incongruence shows
Forcing hope straight down throat
Waiting for falsity to be revealed
Flowers you planted instead of weeds
To be crushed on cruel battlefield
Your comfort tonelessly whispers to me
Thought that would soothe my stress
Did not argue with your perspective
For your sake try obsessing less
But under surface shrieking
Phrases pondered remaining hid
Grasping for method to save you
Before you are gone and I wished that I did