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Thomas Thurman May 2010
Hallelujah Simpkins, Syllogism Brown,
Wandered up to Barkingside to walk around the town.
Does it make you wonder, when they ring the bell,
How they press the ***** keys and sing along as well?
Syllogism wondered so he climbed the tower to see;
Hallelujah, Simpkins said, I know that I am free.

Hallelujah Simpkins, Pendlebury Jane,
Hurried to the hospital and hurried home again.
Does it make you wonder, when they run so fast,
How they know they'll ever reach the hospital at last?
Pendlebury wondered even though she couldn't run,
Hallelujah, Simpkins said, today I have a son.

Hallelujah Simpkins, Academic Smith,
Never et an orange if they couldn't eat the pith.
Does it make you wonder, if oranges can float,
Why they catch the Underground and never catch a boat?
Academic wondered so he went and caught the train;
Hallelujah, Simpkins said, and said it once again.

Hallelujah Simpkins, Concertina Flight,
Hear the song the angels sing in Dagenham tonight!
Does it make you wonder, climbing Heaven's stair,
How you'd speak to Hallelujah Simpkins, if he's there?
Simpkins only wondered whom he followed as he soared;
Hallelujah, Simpkins said, and glory to the Lord!
Dougie Simps Oct 2016
Dear insecure, emotional, overthinking young man

you've come a long way from way back then

you've lost a lot - but had to realize "who hasn't?"

your strong will seemed to be mistaken a lot from your passion

you've missed out on a lot of love by second guessing & never unmasking

why weren't you truly ever satisfied... nah, that's the question that I'm asking...

your abandonment issues pushed away the potential of something ever lasting

constantly fighting the man in the mirror

hopefully with your new life - you see things clearer

no one ever knew, with you...who they were gonna get

you've missed out on a lot of good times wanting to talk

instead of just letting it go and enjoying the time you had left.

Your favorite pills were self pity, self indulgence, ignorance and regret

you never stopped to listen - stopped talking - hopefully now you allow others words to be said

no woman stood a chance... you purposely acted a certain way to avoid the possibility of true love

discretely pushing them away until they saw nothing and had enough.

don't get me started on your lack of living

missed out on a lot of trips, chances and opportunities

I hope now you've filled that void that is missing

you swore happiness was wealth... power...a line of respect

little did you know it was the little things; the calm, the moments
the people and things in life worth it and willing to invest.

you gave up on a few dreams... figured why fight?

countless times your mind would just run... keep you up all night

you were so afraid of success... honestly, I never knew why

you never freed that little boy trapped - stuck in his father's grasp

he was begging for freedom, you left him struck inside

everyday was another day you thought was your time.

I hope you live now

I hope you see the beauty life truly is

I hope you found love

I hope you found this


I needed to write this letter to you - so you can see how far you have come

you can see that change is real

you can see all that you have become

Bland Douglas Simpkins,

that's the man you should be proud to be

no matter what challenges you were faced with

those obstacles were needed, needed to make it to this me

thank those who've came into your life - not all were meant to last

some forced you left - others showed you right

no matter what, some were needed in your past.

So...

Dear future self,

please understand - I'm sorry. For all that I put you through

the truth remains - that without me - just know...

there would be no you.
to the future
Dougie Simps Oct 2014
Interviewer: Douglas Simpkins, who are you? We don't understand you..the world seems to mis read you..can you tell us in a few words, maybe? Who is Douglas Simpkins?

(Heart beats)
(The sound of writing)

Dear Everyone,

Time has passed. I maybe overthinking this but I can't find my brains top latch
(So my thoughts are out)
You ask "what's that about?"

Let me explain..

I said things, broke things
Never thought I'd become inslaved..
To the monster who's beating inside me
To the ignorance placed in my grave
I done messed up, never confessed up, talk to god now, so maybe I'm blessed up?
But we cool and talk about when I was in school
How I created so many lies, blamed it on a high..
Stabbed so many backs that nobody walked with a spine.
Walk a mile in my shoes? nobody wanted my 9s
Figured Id grow outta my fears and self overtime..
Something happened,
And I gradually found death
I spoke to him as he would glare at me with darkness spewing from his breath
Manipulation at its best
As he grabbed a hold of my chest
Told me "only the good die young"
Put his hand on my pecks and pushed me back to this mess.

(Then what?)

I tried to follow purity,
The constant fight with this monster inside of me!
He wants anger! I just want maturity.
A sense of security.
Maybe that's why I'm so locked down
She thinks I'm being stubborn
But she don't know, I'm just starting to open up and share all about my past now.
****..and I gotta be honest,
I want you to be the one that I endure the longest,
Who accepts me at me at my weakest, supports me at my strongest.

(Let her now kid)

Hiding the truth in these subliminal notes,
Ask myself
If you like her why don't you go after what you desire the most?
Probably because I was a felon in loves convictions
I believe she deserves to enjoy life without pain and loves restrictions.

(Again man!?)

Yeah, I also needed time to break down. Weak knees, lord please, help me feel the force of the ground. The words of the angels and only some can hear the sound.
Ask yourself if you needed help, who the F!ck would be around?
I was stranded in the water and you just watched in an attempt to let me drown!
I survived!
Look at me rise! from all your f@cking let downs!

(Take it easy man)

But I tend to constantly escape, to a world, a beautiful place
Where I can't be judged, I can finally be alone and mediate in my vital space
A mind that represents the ocean, a heart that's the beating sun, a soul that is the sand, and a life that is all I want to become.


(That's beautiful)

Because we all have a story
Not one makes less sense.
I took a gun to misery, blasted the ****t outta it
Walked away and left that ***** for dead.
This is me. I can't make this up for your amusement
My words are the bullets, excuse me as I reload my weaPEN.

(Doug, calm down!)

Chill man, I told you I'm grown now and have full control.
I just speak with alotta passion and that don't go away even as you get old.
This my story and they wouldn't believe me if it wasn't properly told
I was a beast, a loose bullett that could **** a person with one shot..stare em down and spit a venom so cold.
But I apologize for it all and taking ya down this road...

(Hands shaking)

I prospered from myself and learned to hold my own.
Stick with me now and please embrace my change. Help me write my story and turn a new page.
Goals can be made, I never heard there ever had to be a certain age.
Giving you my all now and hope ya will accept my best
But still look back once in a while...
So that I'll never forget.

(Oh my god)

Also, had to go back to the lab, reconnect and draw up some new plans
And by the way, you can't know who Doug is...when it's really Bland.
Amen.

(Stopped writing)

Interviewer: I have no words. Thank you.
Haven't written like this in years
Dougie Simps Jul 2016
Think it's time to finish this story
Time to tell what has haunted me inside
Of 27 years of suffering
Staring back at another man inside
You've scared me for so long
I no longer want to run and hide
My reflection is what truly
Makes me terrified
I've asked myself questions
Since I was little, I've always asked why?
How can a man not love something
That's half of him and deny
The fact that pain will and forever
Last in this little boy's lies
Saying he's okay
When inside he's dark and so distant
Amongst so many people who love him
But his whole life he's felt so different
Wanting to just grow...
But the idea of you causes his resistance
He's never just came out and said it
What was wrong with me that you did so much wrong!?
Why couldn't I be proud of who I was!?
Why did you let me see what you did to mom?
Do you know what you've done?
Can you understand what you put me through?
Mind hasn't been the same
Since dealing and learning about you
Hatred turned my heart
So dark and so full of pain
My life has been confusing
At times I feel like my mind is insane
I won't ever stop asking
The question of "why am I half of you?"
I understand I took the qualities
That makes me nothing like you
But my cheeks soak my tears still
And I get these moments where I feel I can't hold on
I thank those men in my life
Who helped replace you and keep me so strong
But there is a scar that I...know will never heal
I know that life teaches you how
To make better from the cards that he deals
So for the first time in my life
I forgive you!
Please let me move on!
You've taken so much from us
But mommy and I are too strong
We've gained peace of mind now
And clarity has finally found our hearts
This piece is just for me to tell you
I'm not son and we're so far apart
I've brought joy to the people
Who love me and see me for myself
I've grown into a man
Who guides those who may need that help
I've become the person you weren't
And the man I'm proud to be...
A part of me will always wonder...
What was it that was wrong with me?
You'll never understand the...
Moments That I've grown from your misery
The first key is acceptance
Then I've learned to love my reflection
A little boy crying out loud
A man who brings him protection
So dear father I...
I wanna tell you this as the truth
Anyone can be a father but just being a dad is something you couldn't even do
Your name has haunted me
It's brought blood straight to my eyes
Your ways have brought to my heart
27 years of living a lie
I'm freezing my soul now
And getting past what I never thought I could do
Mommy told me this and I believe it now
I'm not a single part of you.
So dear bland Simpkins you better hear me
Listen to every word that I say
This piece has allowed me to officially be free now
My honesty has finally pushed you away
Thank you for teaching me
Lessons that will help propel my life
Who I'm becoming is a blessing
And I'm doing all I can right
So the man in the mirror I shatter your reflection
I smile and tell you this eye to eye
Thank you for everything
Thank you for showing me how to never be that kind of guy
Dear father, dear dad, dear donor
This is my freedom - this is my final piece - this is forever...goodbye.

(Please never comeback - I'm free now)
This was hard - I cried a lot and honestly..,felt every word. This was for me and anyone out there who may of needed it. I've been trapped for 27 years and now I'm finally free. I've never felt so liberated and so happy. Goodbye forever - hello to tomorrow

— The End —