"shakier" poems
No time to dwell
(on what's been undone)
or that
which has become undone
We'll hold onto
each of our moments
when love's song was sung
(When) we stepped on time's ladder
climbed each rung
Each one told a story
of births and deaths
failures and success
The higher we ascended
The shakier the ladder
Encouraging each other
when our legs start to tremble,
when our balance is threatened,
My hand in yours
then
your hand in mine
Should you fall behind
I wait for you
When I falter
You wait for me
When we stumble
We hold on to each other
With a word
A look
A warm embrace
Time's ladder
over time
deteriorates
with aging and pain
I know we'll hold on to the end
though no promises can be made
I'm not perfect
Neither are you
But
I know I won't be climbing to these heights again
or stepping up on to
another time's ladder.
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 17, 2017 at 1:38 AM UTC
i often think of death
at the hands of Galileo
a cluster of galaxies
pouring through his fingernails
and weaving his way
like a silk ribbon in the midst of a cotton dress
camouflage designed to keep you hidden
from the enemy across the cliff
but you can't hide from the other side
because the other side is inside of you
and they have their weapons
pointed directly at your weak chains
a galaxy formed inside of you
a white dwarf star that
collects energy over decades
pressed together into mere seconds
and it spills over the edges
like spilt wine on linen sheets
i've thought of death
at countless midnights
in the middle of hallways
in your arms
swaddled in the equivalent of a human burrito
at the mere peek of your face
out of the corner of my eye in
a place where there is no forgiveness
they always directed me
to one place
it was a safe haven of sorts
they took a mirage of an ocean far away
and on bad days,
implanted in the comfort of your solitude
on most days,
i fought silently and alone
on bad days,
i fought against something vicious
but alone
i've thought of killing myself
countless times
but the fools hope
always brought me back
and i learned to bury my anxieties
so only my most trusted comrades knew
the different between a shaky 'I'm fine'
and a shakier 'just tired'
it was like a ticket stub,
for a movie that wasn't even all that great
but you went anyway
because you wanted a distraction
and i would rather be dead-alive
than alive-dead
Jan 22, 2014
Jan 22, 2014 at 11:40 AM UTC
hat am I doing?
I keep touching my mouth
Remembering where you used to press yours against mine
But my fingers are poisoned with pills I couldn’t tell you about
They burn my skin and wash the sadness away from my body
In ugly currents that blotch my skin and send me red raw
From scratching with those nails you used to hate
But loved when we were *******
I’m so scared I’ll speak to you
I can’t control my hands anymore, they get shakier every day
To the point where I think of you running through my veins
I can’t hold my cup anymore
I wont ruin your life again
If theres one thing I’m good at
Its chasing people away like they were cats on your windowsill
They cry and fight to be let in
But my windows are so locked tight
Cold to touch that no one can look through them
I’ve convinced myself that this is for me
But I’m so sad
How could anyone let themselves think like this on purpose
Unless it was for someone that deserved to wake in the morning
I hope you wake up one day
And you forget my name.
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 1:33 PM UTC
It's a bit different than it once was
A little harder to breathe
A tad shakier standing back up
And obviously, not enough effort to brush the dirt off
So it just sticks there
As a reminder that the fall was a doozie
A real eye opener
(Or closer if I do say so myself)
Definitely different than before
It seems impossible that the bruises should ever heal
And those scraps?
Oh, they'll be scars one day
But when?
It's difficult to say
Plenty of time to find out though
One step forward is all it'll take
To begin the process of moving on
But as the dust begins to settle
And falls like salt on the open wounds
It's as if the brain is no longer in control
Turn around
Walk
Move
But no, instead you just fold your arms around yourself and watch
Reliving over and over again the disastrous fall
And the bittersweet journey that took you there
Sep 18, 2010
Sep 18, 2010 at 9:48 PM UTC
Father,
are you not excited to see me?
I can see it in your eyes
as they turn away
and don't look at me.
I must've done something wrong.
Grandma's writing is getting shakier.
The days of praise
are long away,
And the only things told,
were never really said at all.
Happy Holidays,
From the Perez family.
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 5:58 PM UTC
Sometimes I drag you down.
Can't handle it when you go out
because your freedom unintentionally mocks
my caged-in state, clanks a mug against the bars
of my prison. I didn't pick this.
Didn't pick an age that came with limitations,
but I guess I'm stuck with it
and **** you're stuck with me,
stuck with my shaky words that come from
shakier hands. Stuck with breathy phone calls
when I'm sad and don't have the heart to tell
you that no one actually has the power to fix it.
Stuck with these eyes that imitate thunderstorms when I'm being just
a tad bit melodramatic.
What do thunderstorms look like
through those kaleidoscope eyes of yours?
I bet they look like depression in a bottle,
ready to be forced down like shots of anything
that'll make me forget.
I'm beginning to understand why people
become alcoholics and that's terrifying.
You're stuck with everything I've ever been
and everything I'll ever be. Truth is I've ruined
every good time you've tried to have since you
got together with me. And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for being a buzzkill. I'm sorry for worrying. I'm sorry for wishing I could just go with you and I'm sorry I can't.
You swear my age doesn't bother you but I'm
afraid sooner or later it might begin to.
Your age means freedom, mine means
nine o'clock curfew on school nights
and eleven o'clock ******* bedtime.
I'm an adult in a child's body. Betrayed by the number of years I've been alive.
Jul 13, 2016
Jul 13, 2016 at 9:17 PM UTC
When I started loving you, the rain started coming and didn't stop falling for years. It eventually turned into a storm and destroyed what was left of me.
The room I'm in became suffocating, and the walls and the ground became colder. The alcohol tasted better than what I feel, and I drink and drink, hoping that the cure for this madness is at the bottom of one of these bottles.
The days got shorter, the nights got longer, and I think the sun has lost its shine because I've been seeing dark clouds outside my window for a very long time. The night sky became starless, and I think the moon ran away? and I go outside and walk and walk every night on this empty street with that orange light thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I walk more, I'll get tired and I'll eventually wake up from this nightmare.
The tears didn't stop ever since, and the cuts became deeper. The blood from my skin became comfort, and the pain became better than anything else. I think my sanity has left me and I hear myself screaming. With hands on my hair, voices in my head, telling me I was wrong, and that I deserve all of this. They say that you are right for telling me those hurtful words, and I'm starting to believe them because maybe they're right?
My hands got shakier, and everything became unstable. The corner of the room became my safe haven, and my heart is wilder than ever, escaping from my rib cages, will go anywhere, anywhere but from here. I'm in a state where I don't know where I am anymore. I just keep on bleeding and bleeding and maybe one day, all of this will stop.
The screaming of my heart will stop. The blood will stop. The pain will stop. And then I will be able to look at you in the eyes and finally say, "I don't want you anymore."
But for now, let me rest my head on my knees, blood dripping from my wrists, sanity slowly slipping, and my heart losing.
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 4:12 AM UTC
Those acidic words
Dribble from your lips
Like snakes slithering from your throat
Fueled by blood of molten hatred
The words that have been spoken
Sear the earth around your feet
Alter reality to your eye
And devours the innocence of a rose
From the body of those lips
A tale is told from the other side
Far away in a paradise
Perfection, why not?
As your body deceives your lips
And acts as you say not
The earth scowls at your devilish lies
Traitor to yourself!
For you have a present
Shakier than the spoken past
So hush your lips childish woman
And do your own wrong today
Apr 5, 2013
Apr 5, 2013 at 12:02 AM UTC
I’m a liar.
I want you back
I want your tired eyes and your smudged makeup
I want your shaky hands and even shakier voice
to keep telling me you love me
I want you back
**** I want you back
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 6:26 AM UTC
I've been running away from love,
then I crashed into you.
It was all an accident,
but it'd been the best mistake I'd made yet.
Or so I thought.
You told me you loved me,
and like a fool,
I believed you.
And yet here I am.
My hands, shakier than ever,
I couldn't breathe
and I felt the tears coming.
I can't believe it!
It was all just a mistake,
a nightmare mistake.
I fell to the bottom of that pit
they call a heart,
and now I'm choking on my blood,
and I can't escape it's thick walls.
It drowns me with every beat.
My heart is killing me.
I think I'm doomed.
Oct 12, 2015
Oct 12, 2015 at 7:19 PM UTC
Smiles
hidden behind miles of printed cloth
weddings and the Christmas we called off
people we loved and held dear
everlasting warnings have led to national mourning
for things that have gone and cannot be replaced
and we have chased the rainbows that appeared
on every window, every door
what was that for
to make us feel one for all, all for one
until we could look up and find the sun
in its proper place
once again
and dodge the pain of the mental rain
which has been falling
washing out dreams
and churning them to soggy dust
most of all we have lost our trust
that sense that everything will all be ok
has upped and melted away
chopped down, chipped up
like the limbs of a tree
and with it our sense of certainty
the shock is profound
because we have found that we stand on much shakier ground
than anyone thought it could possibly be
Mar 8, 2021
Mar 8, 2021 at 9:11 AM UTC
As though you know
I am somehow whole
and as though you know
I can stand on my own.
but my stance is shakier
and my voice is not quite steady.
both a weakness
and a strength,
my love for you is.
with you I am stronger than before,
and much more myself.
without you,
I am much more gone.
Dec 18, 2016
Dec 18, 2016 at 8:05 PM UTC