Shrieking, all-in, nothingheldback laughter
Beats up against my skull,
Thudding, thudding.
Is this happiness observed?
Pools of wrinkles gather underneath
Squinted eyes,
Little silk kimonos crumpled at the foot of a bed.
Laugh lines fold and expand,
As if they are their own organisms,
Breathing in and out with the rhythm of life.

Somewhere else, there is crying,
***** feet and bruises the color of wilted pansies.
Undisturbed, they vibrate to a different frequency,
An isolated rhythm.
A symphony of cornflower and charcoal,
They dance about in a sad song of neglect.
Far away from the loud, booming laughter.

Oh, sunken eyes and sullen brows,
How have you not yet changed the world?
Thunder your despair,
Push up against the merriness and chrisanthimum bliss.

Christmas comes but once a year
Sometimes I wish it less
When no gift could save the world
All I unwrap is emptiness

When good you've been but so much bad
Stuffs stockings full of coal
All I see is greedy children
Melting the North Pole  

When another tree goes up
A million more fall down
Even if it's just a fake
All I can do is frown

When lights aglow and carols ring
And merriness is made
All I want to do is stop
The greenhouse gas parade

When polar bears are drowning
But the turkey's kinda dry
I pass the cranberries and hope
All reindeer learn to fly

So Santa feast your eyes upon
The milk and cookie season
When you have no place to live
You might consider vegan

You lay there missing her,
I lay here missing you.
My mind gets flushed
by all the boggling
memories.
They linger in my
caliginous mind .
I miss being in the
ecstatic state and
also the butterflies
you gave me.
My cheeks which  
used to turn crimson
red now look pale
with no blood rushing
through them.
Your atramentous
enticing eyes hold
all my dreams and wishes.
They make me believe
that magic exists and
so does delectation.
You have cast an
irreversible and
unbreakable spell
on me which makes
me wanna hold
on to you.
You are as addictive
as lithium and
as gorgeous as
a free enlightened
soul.
You are my only
antidote that can
bring me back
to life.
Your atoms have
collided with mine
and are creating a
new galaxy.
No matter what
but you are that one
star in my sky that is
impossible to forget
because the merriness
I get when I look at your
empyrean face cannot be
compared to any other
happiness in the entire
galaxy.
You will always shine
the brightest in my
obsidian sky.

I am riddled with 30. The strike of midnight, it eats me, starting at the toes, bare and lively and barely alive, I struggle along a seam. My thoughts hang on the graveside. I wonder if anyone can see this? Thirty has me, she's a cruel contender made up of sinew and string, red rope licorice and DNA, blinds me when I walk with my face in the wind, steps over me like a Chicago pothole; the entire size of an apartment, 30 lives in the laundry room, tumbling over and over until its dry, desiccate and dry.

30 sends mail from Washington State too, it don't leave no line for greetings, it don't whoopdy-whoop the white-prentenders. No flowers for Kristine, no merriness of mirth, or dog on tin roof or nothing. Absolutely nothing. Thirty is the wickedest weapon of the new millenium, nothing so fiercely glum as this- boots won't even fit me, my hands' knuckles is swollen. My socks have finished their last **** verse too. ****, man. 30 is the poison drug. Gator, 30 is Gator with speed and disease. Harmful tremors, shakes, phone                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000­00000000000000000000000000

he sits at a desk in the library.
it’s nearly midnight and you watch him
take his notes and drink his water.
you’re a desk away from him
and you know that it’s much too late
to be making conversation
but he looks up
ruffles his own hair
and smiles at you something weary
something tired
something beautiful enough to
make you smile back
more genuinely than you honestly should.
he’s a stranger but it’s fine.

it’s dead silent in here
just you and the books
and the millions of things you could say
wrapped up in them
and while you’re trying to think of something
he curls his lips around the words
“finals, huh?”

you laugh and say
“yeah man.”

you want to maybe elaborate
tell him that this psychology exam
might actually be the death of you
tell him that you’ve been studying for
four hours straight and you think your eyes
might actually fall out of your head.

he laughs back and nods
“how many exams you got left?”

you groan
“just one. you?”

“two.”

“good luck with that”

he laughs and you want to say something
to make him do it again

he feels special
you know?
like.
you just know sometimes
but the air doesn’t feel like magic
it feels like you’re in a library
at midnight the night before a final exam
that you don’t know a **** thing about
but the guy a desk away from you
is still looking at you.
he’s still.
looking at you.

and you hadn’t noticed but
you’re still looking at him too.

he says
“i’ve been here since like six.
do you wanna get a coffee?”

just a little smile around the words
“yeah, sure.”

and you put away your psychology notes
and your laptop and your book
even though you’ll need to study for
at least three more hours to understand
a single thing it’s fine.
he packs up his things and the two of you
walk to the elevator.
he lets you press the button

you ask
“what were you studying?”

he says
“bio. you?”

“psych.”

“ouch.”

“yeah”
you laugh
and he laughs
and the elevator laughs
as it dings and opens its doors
even the environment has begun to
take part in your merriness.

you step inside
he hits the button for the first floor
and he says
“i took psych last semester.
which one are you in?”

you say
“one-ten.”

he says
“yeah that one’s rough. barely
passed it.”

“tell me about it”
you joke

and then the elevator dings again
and the doors open again
and the two of you fumble to step out
like you go first no you go first
and it’s all very cute

and you get to the starbucks on the first floor
get in line and take note of
how many people are still here
frantically cramming information into their
tired
tired
brains.

time skip
you two have your coffee.
you sit at a little table that
just barely became vacant
and you sip.
you got something hot and
he got something cold
and you thought it was cute because
it’s december and here he is with a frappe.

you chit and you chat
and think maybe this could be that
romance for the ages
that the movies talk about.

his laugh is like a jingle bell
happy holidays to you both
it seems.

he smiles at you again and you
sip your coffee
and before you know it
it's dangerously approaching 2 a.m.
but you can’t bring yourself to
check the time anymore

you laugh until you’re not strangers anymore
and he says
“this is such a great study break”

you say
“i’m so glad you asked to get coffee”

he smiles and says
“me too.”

and it’s all downhill from there

(or is it uphill?
you never can remember).

To the depths I went
Always brand in fist
To find what made these paths
I thought I freely trod

What illusions waited there
To upturn the ship of tranquillity
What machine within worked
To hide the shadows
What lies came in dreams
To veil the truth

And the soul’s guardian, to protect me
Stayed loyal to false master
When it should to my ambition alone cleave
And my song venerate

An ocean lays at my heart
It is still or stormy
Of its own wild freedom
But now I can sail it
For I am bound
To the friends of true depth
Who understand what I truly am

The illusions in me, games of the mind
Shocked for years, shaken in fear
Of harsh words, of the street, of night
The evidence now piles against it.
I have earned my honours
In the heart of the woods
And was always of bliss
And was always of bliss
Gentleness is I, peace is I
Merriness is I, truthseeker am I.

In Winter
The wind howls, doleful as the lone wolf
The only birds that circle round are
black and laden with death
All the others have gone south
for brighter days with the sun.
In Winter
Clouds once filled with gaiety and light
lose their merriness
Growing dark and groaning heavily
Burdened with loads of furious rain and
apathetic snow.
In Winter
The fox gains prominent ribs
slinking silently through mazes of fallen branches
back to a barren den
No rabbits can be found
their fur has blended in with panoramic white.

*With all that’s dark, chaotic, and alone
There’s question whether such a time will end
It’s rather easy to forget
that Spring is just around the bend.

Anteloping arms, grappling smiles
Errors of houses arranged alphabetically
The breaded butter, the backbones
Of traditional garland, alit with bulbs,
Collapsing tinsel and tin harmonies
A belated world, buffeted with meat
Lacqured in liquors, merriness gay
Flipping shadows about the streets
Holiday

I guess my body has come to realize
That it won't see you in real life
At least,
Not any time soon.
It won't hear from you,
And it can't remember
What it was like to laugh with you,
To have an actual conversation with you...

It finally realized this,
And I guess...
I guess that's why it keeps trying to hold on,
Putting you in my dreams,
Making sure you are there
So I can never forget.

But with this,
The sadness always rolls in.
The longing of how things used to be.
The merriness of it all.
Come back home.

The ground opened up and swalloed it whole
every bit of salvation poured out for every soul
and it was a day like the 25th that brought the hope
twas a tree that claimed a life and brought life
For you and me
hung on it beads of love
poured with decorations of red
each pattern a new joy
all because of the little boy
who trimmed the first tree
who colored the world happy
for you and me
the stars shone brighter
the rainbows stretched wider
and the joy of little children became the norm
for everywhere the story was told
suffer unto me little children
and I will bring you back glad tidings and joy
and a merriness for this day
and blessings always
for you and me
the best in all Of Christendom
even on the most silent night
the star of wonder still shines bright
for you and me

hugss xo

Dark clouds, bright moon
The sky painted with ashes
Twinkling specks of white
Another night gashes

On the devoid streets,
remain untouched puddles,
No child to jump in them!
Empty corners, empty benches
No child to blow bubbles

Only the stray cats meow
Puzzled and surprised
No sellers, no gamblers, no families
Why's everyone inside?

So mighty is this unseen enemy
Wearing Harry's invisible cloak
No feet, no gun, no sword
yet it kills nearly every folk

It gracefully ballets with loneliness
The streets are now his
This place once used to be
A stage for the poor kids

This place was once
Something else
It was a place, where
Merriness never blunts

Mornings, bakers delivering eggs
And folks running to jobs
Ladies catwalk, holding baskets
whilst children enjoyed corns on the cob

The singers sung songs
By the deep wells
And in the green lawns
The old ones, planted bluebells

This place once echoed giggles
The children played "ringa ring o roses"
And the sun too admired
their pockets full of poses!