Dear Malak
Hi
This is a bit unsettling since the last time I saw you, was in the bathroom mirror; hair pulled up into a ponytail and you had a spark in your eye diminishing by the second.
I wanted to ask you what it felt like to lose; life, sense, sight.
I think you’ve lost a lot and yet you are still a wanderer unaware of the chaos that looms before you.
Explain to me the wounds that mark your skin and tell me about all the excuses you’ve placed for those who’ve abused you one way or another; may it be abusing it directly - strategically placing their knife through your spinal cord -  or taking you for granted since you oozed forgiveness until you walked away and thought the only way out, was through solitary.
You pushed away. You pushed away your worries and the blame, the hurt and ache, you pushed away the closest to you because it was easier to cave in than allow them to see the weakness that has made a home within your body, and that may not be a mistake but I begged you to knock on doors whenever you felt like losing yourself in a world or two or a universe and another.
I wanted you to bloom and not decay.
I wanted to to be and not
Explain to me how easy it is for the thoughts to create a beast that eats your insides and leaves your skin, a costume to be worn by the shadows that loom in you.
Tell me how your sadness sways with you
Tell me how you can’t find peace when peace surrounds you and how you latch on to the anger when it’s devoid of everything around you.
Help me understand the issues that pile up one after the other
I know it’s not easy explaining but I don’t mind if you wrote it in Morse code or painted it onto a blank canvas.
But talk to me.
Help me understand your wants and needs because it’s become harder voicing out your worries when all you hear is noise.
This has become as hard as yelling out for help as you hang off the edge of a cliff and I’m so afraid that at any moment you just might let go.
How are you?
I hope you’re doing fine.
I hope the thoughts ease up and your worries evaporate like rain
I hope the pain that grips your stomach ceases to exist because seeing you lose your appetite in anything that keeps you alive has caught my attention, and I don’t think happiness emerges from a place where all there is,
Is a lost girl wandering through an empty forest, and all she’s waiting for, is a monster ready to rip her to shreds.

to my Madolyn, Rob , Soliana, Malak, Pinkpearl, Daniel, BJ, Miki, Jules, Willow, Poets Rain, Her, Ashan, Billy, Katelyn, Kirstens, Leah, Emily, Liz, Skyler, HB, Danielle, Robin, Lynnie, Veer, Abigail, and Fawn

We haven't been here long
At all
But your support has been
overwhelming
...to us at least

We haven't written masterpieces
At all
But your responses have been
overpowering
...to us at least

Know we notice you,
Know we recognize you,
and try to get to know you
through the words you present

We could never repay you
At all
But, please, don't forget
we love you
...to say the least

We are honored
We will always work to honor you


Sincerely yours,
A&T (seriously not a ripoff)

P.S.
I can't handle anymore people so you guys are going to have
to help me ****** anyone new coming over. I'll pay.

Dear Anxiety,
Thank you for the sleepless nights
Tired eyes
Thank you for the unbearable beats that **** near stopped my heart
Thank you for the faucet of tears that continues to pour
Thank you for the pang of pain that keeps punching against my chest whenever someone mentions anything close to abandoning me
Thank you for being my worst nightmare, for stealing the light out of my eyes
Thank you for reminding me that I cannot enjoy a single moment with those I love because of the constant nag of every single thing that could go wrong
Thank you for reminding me that I am at a constant loss for words

Dear Anxiety,
Thank you for letting me know that you will always be hiding underneath my skin, ready to perk up in response whenever anything peaks my interest.

Dear Anxiety,
Thank you so much for every single whisper that traveled through me on the quietest of nights
Thank you for reminding me I am alone
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Dear Anxiety,
I am a little wanderer searching for myself within the maze you created to trap my lost soul.

I’ll find her someday.
I’ll find myself
And you won’t be so lucky when I do,
Because you’ll burn,
And all I’ll do, is watch you turn to ashes.

Thank you, for making me,
Me
I no longer need you

I never did.

Never Yours,
Malak