I thought I had something to say.
To endlessly express with nothing thats everything
I felt limitations were impossible
I wanted someone to hear what I was saying, even if they were just whispers.
Cause I lost the words I needed to hear since I lost all the words everyone wanted to hear
Now maybe I'll disapear
Found my something to say

Just is a restraining word.
I'm just a person- said Da Vinci and Einstein
I'm just a place- said the Eiffel Tower or Great Wall
They're just other things that time has created.
If you lose the just you start to define what it is you are.
I'm a place or a person.
You no longer fit to one thing or creation.
You get to pick who you become when you lose the justs in life.

I went back to all the hate mail
I went back and retraced all my scars
I went back and followed you to the start

Of all the none believing
In your heart

You don't believe in
yourself
your face
your hair
your smile

You used to smile at me
and say things like
I wish I could make the pain go away

From his hands
His knuckles
His teeth

Everything he ever used to beat
you, break you, eat you
alive

I always thought he was broken
But I never thought he'd cut  you with
all the shards

I keep having dreams where you're
standing now

But you've been pushed down so low
That theres no getting out

I'm sorry I chose Mary Jane
I'm sorry I chose to Escape
I'm sorry I chose to Look away

But I'm not going back there
No way

I liked to think
I chose to leave
and You chose to stay

But I know you just
chose him
instead of liberty

We're all justs Puppets for entertainment

Acting out is our greatest statement

Getting your strings is all our under Achievement

Earning your keep is how you make it

Take all of my blood and use it to paint the sky
The sun won't seem to set and I'm left asking "why?"
Paint the darkened shadows with the light from deep inside
What little I had left in me has only just now died

Take all of the pieces that have yet to turn to dust
Keep them close to your heart, you'll do this, I trust
Memories are faded, keep them coming back to us
No excuses left, no more onlys, buts, and justs

You've got to finish the job if you're going to **** me
You can't just leave me hanging halfway from my neck, in tree
And make sure you dig a grave for me, and for my corpse to be
For when you're done, my ghost will run and finally go free

Take all of my blood and use it to paint the day
Keep my bones and body parts all safely tucked away
Don't lose track or let my pieces go astray
Make the world turn red from these bleeding words I say

Take all of the concepts that we have tried to learn
Burn them into ashes and stick them inside my urn
And show and tell is here, but you must wait your turn
Patience is a virtue, and respect has to be earned

Take all of my blood and use it to paint everything
Splatter all the birds as they fly around and sing
Coat all of the trees and plants with my crimson sting
Watch as the new red planet is brightly glistening

Arlo Disarray© 12/14/2014

depression.
is like drowning but, you can see everyone else breathing.
you have thoughts, maybe even dreams about going into a black hole and never returning.
you have no faith,hope,belief in yourself.
you're tired of living so, you try and attempt suicide but, then comes along your demons who want you to be alive so they can terrorize you, **** you slowly,painfully.
you will die eventually,if not survive but thats very rare for someone to recover without relapsing and running to their demons once again.
we learn how to deal with them speaking to them so they won't get lonely and decide to make you do something crazy. they take over your entire mind and body.
you don't think like you do.
you don't speak like you.
you don't make decisions like you used to.
they control you and theres no refusing to do what they want you to.
Depression is like a sickness that you cannot cure no medicine..yes there is medicine that makes you feel like ****,and makes you happy but thats truly justs drugging you.
there is no cure to depression you want to die and some how you'll find a way.
A painful way.
suicide.
now thats the worst most powerful side effect of depression.
suicide.
a wish to die.
it doesn't matter how just that you want to die over and over again to feel the pain that lets you know you're still breathing, and alive.
it drives you insane.
you try and fight through but theres no choice but to go along with it.
youre tired of looking at happy people.laugh it off like nothings happening.
tired of hearing peoples sob stories about how their cat died yesterday and not realizing you're slowly dying in front of there dim wit face.
tired of looking at things and thinking of how you'd like to do that but you just can't because you are demanded not to by the voices so instead you sit there with a wish to die in your head.
tired of listening to people give you fake *** compliments about how your so pretty,how your just so beautiful.
you know they're lying so instead you just walk away.
with the wish to die.

In school. Watching all the faces go by one by one.
Just watching them smile and laugh.
I just keep walking, listening  to my music.
Not giving one care in the world.
No one sees the pain I'm in.
No one seems to care.
Every day goes by one day at a time.
Everything is going by so slow.
Nothing is really happening.
Everyone is making fun of me for the way i dress and express myself.
No one will really know me.
No one really cares to know me.
Everyone justs walks by knowing something is wrong but never asks anything.

Faking being happy
Lies served with a smile
Boredom seeps from the cracks
Scared smothered and covered with false personality
Insecurities fed with food to make us feel better
Tear drops behind closed doors
Death’s associated with happiness justs so we don’t break down
Because when we break down people can see us for what we really are
Depressed
Lying
Bored
Scared
Insecurity
Crying
Fake

Hey to the pretty girl
Hey to the lonely boy waiting for someone to notice him.
Hey to the wannabe girls that are picking on the boy who justs friends.
Hi to the teacher who sits and does nothing but watches.
Hello to the boy that finally sits with the only boy instead of being mean.
I watch this all godown but who will be next.
This is school each day doing the same things until the cycle is ended.

Grievance hides in comforts lair,
Waiting and preparing with an evil glare,
Coming out when least expected,
Leaving not a love untested,
Pain hits both souls in unequal proportions,
Feelings of love face severe distortions,
While you may detach with little trouble,
This has turned me into a pile of rubble,

You feel relief from madness,
I feel grief and sadness,
You need time to reset and defuse,
I remain restless dazed and confused,

Hopes of renewal flows through me,
I ponder and it is you I see,
You are unlike me however,
You are unsure if there might be better,
Unsure if it is a better me,
Or if it is someone else you might see,

What was,
What could have been,
What was the cause,
And when?
How did it come to this,
I struggle to not reminisce,
So many good times,
Drowned out by one harsh line,
Spoken from you,
All of it truth,
Painful to the ear,
Something I never wanted to hear,
Yet delivered with such care,
As to make it easier to bear,
Yet somehow that made it worse,
Now it justs hurts,
It almost would have been easier,
If you had made it speedier,
Cut ties right after,
So I wouldn’t have to remember the laughter,
Oft shared between you and I,
Which I know lies buried in time,

You have given me a slimmer of hope,
That maybe some day we can fix what you broke,
How can I move on when my heart lives for the future,
For a past that couldn’t possibly come sooner,
How long can I wait,
Right at the gate,
For you to make up your mind,
Create a relationship by your design,
To your liking,
To my acceptance,
Am I willing to give my independence,
For what, another eight months,
Another eight months of constant bumps?
Foolish is the one to agree to this,
Yet foolish am I to even resist,
I know I can take it,
Another eight months,
I know I can commit,
Even through all the bumps,
You are the unknown,
Sitting there on your throne,
Making your ruling off how you feel,
Giving me the urge to kneel,
Your decision holds my breath in the air,
I hope of nothing but repair,
And I wait as you stay quiet,
Acknowledging that decisions take time,
Yet I hope to once again call you mine.