I wish I could stop
My hands from stalking
your page
from refreshing just to see your name

an expert in
pushing people away

My tongue is best *******
instead of exercised

it's exorcism is backwards
demons it will spew
right into your insides

the things i say
aren't like the things i do

But my conscience blurs
all those lines when I'm with you

Who is this new host
of parasitic infection?

Making overly
sexualized suggestions

Who gave her the key and locked me out?


I wish I could stop
My hands from stalking
your page
from refreshing just to see your name

I went back to all the hate mail
I went back and retraced all my scars
I went back and followed you to the start

Of all the none believing
In your heart

You don't believe in
yourself
your face
your hair
your smile

You used to smile at me
and say things like
I wish I could make the pain go away

From his hands
His knuckles
His teeth

Everything he ever used to beat
you, break you, eat you
alive

I always thought he was broken
But I never thought he'd cut  you with
all the shards

I keep having dreams where you're
standing now

But you've been pushed down so low
That theres no getting out

I'm sorry I chose Mary Jane
I'm sorry I chose to Escape
I'm sorry I chose to Look away

But I'm not going back there
No way

I liked to think
I chose to leave
and You chose to stay

But I know you just
chose him
instead of liberty

The course of two years
didn't come cheap

We spilt blood and money
Because living isn't free

Neither is dying
you said to me

So we hang onto our bittersweet
memories

Singing Paramore
into an empty sea

Bring more bottles home to me
at least I can press my lips to them
and remember
how you kissed me

Your alcoholism is killing you
My dreams go with you
into our placid sea

may the sweet lord
recognize you

your body
has been the cost of living

two years
didn't come cheap

I don't get it
I'm not like this
I don't do things like these

I've burnt to many bridges
But with you I've grown wings
What connections do I need?

When there isn't any soil beneath my feet?

your voice used to sing me to sleep
@ night
not no more
you grew up and left me
got big with
the boys and kohl liner

you used to sing
like a ***** in church
but i guess this new music
is the  only sound you got left

and its vibrating in your chest
(undress address)
your voice used to sing me to sleep
@ night
not no more
you grew up and left me

ive grown in
not up
my thoughts are expanding
getting more violent and
repressed

i shake so hard
my knuckles are white
but i cant
bring myself to
you

the ground im standing on
is so ******* broken
that the time when i wanted
to peak
ended

the monsters are more
real now
and less so out there
but in me

get the voices outta my
head
babbling ******
half dead

i wish i could prove my point
in politics
or say what i need to with white
out in hand

my mistakes are many
my flaws are pointless

wheres the flashlight?
i need to shine it inside

been a while
been out sharpening my nails
   on the backs of boys dressed like
     crocodiles leather and lace all ****** mace
           lines out here deliver like the best punch line
               i dont do it for the show no more cuz
                    no ones watching and no one knows
                           been a while
                                 since i carved a smile into
                                      your face but tears roll
                                            easy now dontcha know
                                                         been out sharpening my nails to
                                                              use em on you  
                                                                   but the rain wont stop
                                                                      an my flights delayed
                                                                             get out the house get away
                                                                                    cuz i been out fightin and its a while since
                                                                                       i been away.