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Brigitta Cuadros Jan 2018
At age 7, I was guilty
when I accepted an invitation
to go into the apartment of a neighbor
He smelled of beer as he groped me.

At age 10, I was guilty
when I walked home too late
because I missed the train
He popped out of the bushes
exposing himself.

At age 12, I was guilty
when my uncle forced
tongue into my mouth
because I could not
get away.

At age 14, I was guilty
when my uncle forced
me to sit on his lap
while in my bathing suit
and I ran away from home.

At age 16, I was guilty
when my uncle convinced
everyone that I was a liar
and I quit school.

At age 18, I was guilty
when I gave birth to
my first child,
because I was ignorant.

At age 20, I was guilty
when I saw the cardiologist
in the reflection of a lamp
*******  and the
police laughed at my report.

At age 30, I was guilty
when my employer
trapped me in the elevator
to ***** me, because I
was his subserviant.

At age 36, I was guilty
when I earned jujitsu honors
but risked going to jail
for defending myself.

At age 70, I was guilty
when a neighbor brought
me fruit and grabbed my
breast, because I was alone.

At age 72, I am guilty
of being a ferule woman
for 50 years and for
NOT be silent!
How many times must a woman be guilty for her existence?
Infamous one Jan 2014
Ive given it to god he will provide
Praying for true love and someone worthy
I ask to move up at work tired of feeling stuck
A raise so I can have a little extra
Confidence to be myself achieve greatness
That my schedules font have a time conflct
Work for my living invest in myself
School to gain knowledge to make life better
Jujitsu on my 1st passions an injury will not keep me down and out.
Return to coaching softball pushing my girls to be the best it comes from within
These are on my mind  theyve helped me grow become a better person
Chloe Elizabeth Aug 2015
This isn't going to be much of a poem, just a thought; something that I was thinking about today.
I was asked if it was weird to have dated my ex, since he was 5'5, one inch shorter than I am. And you know what, I've dated professional go-kart racers, jujitsu gold medalists and kick boxers, yes, all much taller than I am, however, none of them made me feel as safe as my 5'5 hockey player did. So the answer to that question, which actually surprised me as well, is no. It was not weird. It was not anything but another relationship, with another boy, who proved to be much more than how tall he was. Height does not matter to me and I don't see it ever mattering because he made me feel just as loved as someone twice his size could have. And even though he turned out to be a complete *******, that was not because of his small size, that was because he was, and is, a ****** person. Case closed.

By Chloe Elizabeth
The Lioness Oct 2018
You tried to pull a gun on me.
I just pulled mine faster
But what you don't know is
Three days later
I put my gun to my head.
I couldn't live with the fact
That I almost pulled the trigger on you
That I was ready to stop your threat.
What you don't know is one month later
I still had nightmares
That I overdosed on pills
Hoping to never wake up.
Six months later
I still see your face
I still think of the what ifs
One year later
I still wake up screaming
Fighting your invisible threat.
One year and six months later
You voice still haunts me.
You were eager to **** be because I wore a badge and gun.

My coworkers ***** me.
Two against me.
What you two didnt see
The detectives interrogated me.
Told me I asked for it
I should have fought back
One day later the detective picks me up
I tried over dosing minutes before they came
They noticed the cuts but didn't notice
That I was falling fast
I couldn't keep my eyes open.
My speech was slurring
I walked like i was drunk
I made it through the **** kit
I got home and slept for three days straight
One month later i quit my job.
My body couldn't handle the stress
I kept dissociating.
Six months later
I still couldn't have ***.
I started learning jujitsu
I had bought a gun
One year later
I was more confident
But i still feared ***
I feared men
I still had nightmares
Two years later
I'm still managing to struggle
I still hear your voices
Still see your faces
Still feel you in my dreams
Two years and six months later
I'm more confident.
I still have difficulty with men.
But now I am well on my way to be a police officer
An EMT
I can't let you win!
Ever!
These are real events that happened in my life.
MissNeona Sep 2014
Race fast, safe car.
A Toyota's a Toyota
Racecar
stolen one lots

Was it a car or a cat I saw?
Was it a bar or a bat I saw?
A man, a plan, a canal: Panama.
A dog, a plan, a canal: Pagoda
A car, a man, a maraca.
Oh, cameras are macho.
So many dynamos!

Desserts, I stressed
No lemons, no melon.
No sir! Away! A papaya war is on.

Dr. Awkward!
No Madam, I'm Adam
Sir, I’m Iris.
Sir, I demand, I am a maid named Iris.
Ned, I am a maiden.
Bob Bob Bob

"Not New York" Roy went on.
Not so, Boston
A **** nixes *** in Tulsa.
Avid Diva
Party boobytrap.
Solo gigolos.
As I ***, sir, I see Pisa!
Amore, Roma.
Yawn a more Roman way.

Amy, must I jujitsu my ma?

Some men interpret nine memos.
"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod.
*** aware era waxes
a **** tuba
test tube **** set
He did, eh?
I did, did I?
doom mood
rise to vote, sir
Art, name no tub time. Emit but one mantra.
Cigar? Toss it in a can. It is so tragic.
******, I’m mad!
Lager, sir, is regal.

mom
Ma is a madam, as I am.
dad
Pa's a sap.
hannah
Anna
Neil, an alien.
Oh no! Don **!
A lad named E. Mandala
Kay, a red ****, peeped under a yak.
La, Mr. O'Neill, lie normal.
Otto made Ned a motto.
Poor Dan is in a droop.

deified
reviver
radar
stats
redivider
testset
solos


Drab as a fool, aloof as a bard
Live not on Evil
Cain: a maniac
Live on evasions? No, I save no evil.
Eve, mad Adam, Eve!
Dennis, Eve saw Eden if as a fine dew, as Eve sinned.
Devil never even lived.
Do, O God, no evil deed! Live on! Do good!
Live, O Devil, revel ever! Live! Do evil!
Evil, a sin, is alive.
Evil did I dwell, lewd I did live.
Ma is as selfless as I am.
Name not one man.
O, stone, be not so.
Rot a renegade, wed a generator.

stack cats
taco cat
Senile felines.
So, cat tacos!
step on no pets
ten animals I slam into a net

Egad! An adage!
A relic, Odin. I'm a mini, docile Ra.
A peg at lovely Tsar - a style voltage, pa.
Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?
Bombard a drab mob.
Borrow or Rob?
No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention
We few,
We panic in a pew,
We sew,
Ye boil! I obey!

In words, drown I.Revered now, I live on. O did I do no evil, I wonder, ever?
Is it I? It is I!
I'm am a fool; aloof am I.
Now I won.
“***… ***…” I murmur.
Infamous one Mar 2014
bjj
It feels great to be back on the mats doing jujitsu not use a GI but I'm picking up on everything. I want to get my black belt and compete in tournaments
I've been feeling change because of it eating better, cutting back, regaining flexibility, waking up muscles recalling muscle memory.
Getting into patterns learning to execute moves better; I may not be one of the best, but I give my best so everyone gets better.
Competing with blue belts is another level but I see myself just as good or better. I'll earn their respect I don't expect them to give it to me.
I'd like to teach class one I get my skills down share my craft. I'm doingit for me but if others benefit that's a bonus. I'm glad to make it happen
Matt Nov 2014
Life is an automatic process
It goes on automatically
I live in a simulated world

Changing times and changing faces
Changing dates and changing places
It's all the same to me

The emptiness remains the same

There is a woman
Who I love
In an ideal world
We would be together

Alas
She married a strong powerful man
An alpha male
A Jujitsu expert
With great ****** stamina

When he thrusts into her
I moan in my bed
The pathetic cries of the cuckold
He is ******* the woman of my dreams
Filling her with his seed

Well, It is not an ideal world
Things often do not go as planned

And when I am able
To become aroused enough
I am learning to love the taste
Of my own cream
Anais Vionet Apr 13
Peter (my bf) and I were in Paris, about three weeks ago (I was on Spring break, he was on vacation from work).
‘Headstart for Happiness,’ by ‘the Style Council,’ was playing low somewhere.
“This is the kind of starry winter night that guy from the Netherlands used to paint,” I observed.
“If you were writing about it,” he asked, “how would you describe it?”
“Imagine a deep, still blue, hosting a field of luminescent light scatter, and a bashful moon, low in the sky, as if it were hiding in the trees.” I guessed.
“It’ll moonset soon,” he said “within the hour.” he added.
“I never think of moonsets.” I said, looking at the sky like it was new.
“The moon follows the line of the ecliptic,” he said, as if that meant something, “more or less,” he qualified.
“To think I grew up under an undifferentiated sky,” I marveled.

When I’m with him, I can relax, I don’t have to be-on, he’s smart enough.
Of course, I’d come in handy if he went into cardiac arrest or started choking on something.

We were sitting side by side, outside ‘Le Café du Marché,’ a bistro near the Eiffel Tower. Our waiter,  Léo, had just refilled our coffee. It was 9:30 PM and we’d been at this table for about two hours.

We’d reduced the tarte-tatin to a few crumbs forty minutes ago, but Léo knows me and although they're thirty tourists in line for tables, he won’t rush us.

Like puppets dance, we often mimic lines - I don’t know why.
“I was stalking you,” I confided, running a finger along his long-sleeve shirt-cuff.
“I was stalking you,” He said. Our eyes were fixed on each other.
“No, seriously,” I said, moving in much closer, to be serious.
“No, seriously,” He deadpanned back.
“Then I caught you,” I went on, and I was very close now, our lips maybe two inches apart.
“No, I caught you,” he said, smiling as I got very close. “It was ****** Jujitsu,” he softly bragged.
“Wax on, wax off,” I said before I stole a quick kiss.

Peter was shocked, a scooch, by French teens.
If French teens have a crush, especially in Paris, it’s a ‘drop what you’re doing,’ snog-fest - between classes in the hall, on-the-metro, in a coffee shop or grocery store they go-all-in, because love must be stormy, urgent, tinchy.
Here’s a secret. Peter says, “You **** my face, like no one ever has.” It must be the French in me. Ha!

Of course, I learned all I know about love from Taylor Swift.
Let’s see, first, I must be willing to let down my guard - because love can happen at any time.
Love, at its best, is overwhelming, mistake prone, meaningful and powerful - but I can’t assume it’ll last, because my lover may have ulterior motives. I could be hurt or changed by the experience - but I’ll have the memories. Eventually though, I’ll heal enough to try again - with a new set of expectations.

Maybe I’ll even write a song or a poem about it.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Ulterior: motives kept hidden to achieve a particular result.

tarte-tatin  = an apple **** with caramelized apples on the bottom, flaky pastry on top. YUM
scooch = a little
stormy = extremely passionate
tinchy = twitchy, reflexive
Infamous one Mar 2014
baw
I've been writing poems for friends and getting a different response from what I normally get. It feels great to share writing lyric for this music project for friends but I might just do my own solo project.
It feels good to get it out and be understood instead of being looked at like a ******. To be heard and supported feels great most of the time I'm fighting to be different it feels right for once.
I've been told I have talent but I do it so much I don't always see it. Focused on achieving my goal working hard in jujitsu and writing to make sense of my confusion.
Playing with my guitar trying to put music to my words create riffs come up with my own sound.
Infamous one Dec 2017
He woke up had a breakfast thankful it was delicious. Read his book he had many more lined up to read always working never had much time for what he loved. He learned to make time especially on his down time. He enjoying writing it gave him inner peace. He loved jujitsu but did lack flexibility so close to a blue belt unfinished business that needed to be attended. Being on those !at he would help mentor the youth jujitsu was on the mind. He enjoyed the mind set. Due to his work schedule he would have time conflicts.
He has to learn balance one thing that was hard work his passions and finishing school so many things he was close to achieving but came up short. School was hard since he couldn't afford books showing up unprepared was not like him. He got tired of being set up to fail. He let himself down way too much he didn't want to do it anymore. He feared getting his degree and worried he'd be at the same job just with a degree he really wanted to be in his field and not wasting his time anymore. He was frustrated because he worked hard tried hard than most and still failed it never came natural he always had to put in the extra time. He hated being broke and hated relying on anyone but he did learn only he can do it and would be the only one who could do it for him
Julian Sep 2020
Loony warbles creeping like a shark bite tucked into the night
I saute the solution of aghast has-been epigones filibustered brunt and brittle by hemlock aspirations of curated fright
Temulentia recognizes the sane from the inane and tragedy from travesty
Flowder imaginary crackjaw Samson skulls of donkeys dissuaded by varnished agony
Skipping through punctuated times the sheepish will profane me with beleaguered notions of time
Blind to the orbit of the eccentric zeitgeist of hopscotch chockablock cohorts deliverance finds no crime
Goose noose Howard Hughes wooden stilts of the gargantuan swerve
Only the alpenglow of hijacked jujitsu spar against redintegration of adversaries with penniless nerve
Sifting through the silt
I barnstorm the ire of glistened tribunes plagued with insipid promenades of set-up still-frame guilt
Enemies became friends deranged like roosters fleecing hens of henpecked anomaly grafted and built
The wasms of moribund prose absconding with latticework of lacrosse in vogue
Temperatures sweltering the quaky schleps of Maverick moons never more rogue
Flashbang grimace parched with slivers of an acclimated post-modern ******
Intimates the intimacy of the flock decorates bolted balderdash too winsome to deprive an earnest plea for peace and please
I conquer the wallbaggers of novantique with the temulentia of mystique
Rarely remanded by the cul-de-sacs of Giants demolishing social rust with a deteriorated sweep
Trip the jostled rhymes of confluency of rhapsody and rapture consummated by nickel gambols by design
Ridiculing the contumely of ragged turgid Reservoir Dogs canine to the itch of foggy moonshine
Yet I dance to the rhythm of a jockey mechanical when devoured by incarceration flimsy with attrition
Lurid livid welters sparkle in damsel jokes of remission against Back to Mine sequence counting Dracula by division
Outtatime in this march of Thriller sublime
Cornered by the otiose Chipotle of musty mangers of egalitarian grime
Blandished by shattered paradigm parallax in circumlocution by mirrored irony
Livid are tepid latticeworks of rax and sedition frozen by limpid “Teachers” piracy
Never was once forever in the dormant daydream
Seamstresses waltzed in autumn woods knowing Hoffa firebrands of wasted Scream
Bloodshot swank is a rackrent of cineaste rakes of dominions of half-baked dishes of disco zenkidu double-take
Limbering languidly through the procession of sectarians seceding from agitprop monopoly
Boarding the Ticket to Ride train authentic never squirmy with illusions of the fake
Slackened Eels slapstick the brackish bracket of appeasement in appeals
Confluence of formula endangered by euphoria that Limerick question is a grubbed dicey deal
Fortunate summit dreaded nadir
All that resides in throbbing hearts tethered like Four Squares littered with boondoggles of fear
Showcase the Shakespeare flown through rickets of balderdash as Bald Eagles the mascot of frisk and wretch
Time to own the Pony Show charade of a mimicry of dilettantes brave in the cradles of antiquity knowing rarely the mummification of symbolism of thirty years of slavery to hallow one veranda upon a kissed by an ***** rose starvation grave
Looted by the pernicious bootstraps of those computed
We ring true the epitaphs of Pine City Stage on the rundles of the marginalia that overflows with Ire refuted embarked on solid cremation for sagacity in tatters of rage denuded
Punctilious liars edgy in facetious gambols in Joker menace flushing hygiene for starlet screen
Malingering on quaffs of sedate aplomb yet to preen
Scrabble superlunary bastions of gabble and garb
The gawsy preternatural séance rather nimble to Duck the Badgers weaponized barb
Fustilugs congregate around ashen rot of cacophony marveling at temerity in contortion for epiphany
Episodic marvel of two lynched paragons of sweltered margins ribald at witwanton persiflage in a campaign for suffrage.
Defected fire crackling with the joy of cacophony
Relishing every maskirovka pedigree of rackrent sovereignty
Slipshod fustilugs burrow bilkey in doctored Hubbard hubs smoking gun for dwarfed sins of blinded light staring Poison Ivy Appetite for Destruction mainlined by profligate amphigory a splintered shard
Complexion fulminates AIM with scourges of backtrack upon backwater miracles of Lake Placid confusion
Envoys to scuttled aliens marauding like they own my street in distinct slender confection even as the odd berates my diffuse dissuaded cineaste direction
I slummock with the slurvian alveolate bonism of prized poverty for Pine City Stages a delope of antelopes torn asunder by the athletes of formidable retention
Minute Mayday MaiDEN curls the forelock of a tucked hedged blush of no greater stupidity than a furrow of piglets in the pews of lyrical surgery
Slowpoke in acerbic flavor I countermand the denizens of urged regency decapitated by orbit if not by ******
Consummated on every brain that God himself believes that liberation can entrust
Enthusiastic chameleon of Mojo Grooves for the languid auditorium of a Revered time behooved to the gallops of threshed figurative sloppy slush
Funded by killjoys emaciated by slippery lies on craven deposits of sedimentary inertia quelled by amusement, grounded into Orange Crush
Urbacity is the usucaption of illegitimate ******* filigrees Armed to the Teeth but respecting the Tree
Winsome is obligatory for a Winslet flippant elder quorums contemn as a malapropism for syndicated armory in chuckling White Broncos evading a Houston test in the gricers of Autumn Heaven lingering with germane plight only reserved for luxury at its best
Aborning sidereal alpine brevity is a scry of evidentiary might of totemic dissolution alchemy so bright
That the chalkboard erasure is a confabulation against simultagnosia in acidic Phuture Bound sight
Because Mission Impossible cavorts with the exotic frictions of the nefarious Biocyte
Trailblazing heydays memorializing an Alpha Bet for September 2004 maydays
Of the scriptural series of mishaps and misadventures for barley grain in deadstock Indiana Jones wayward wayspays
Time to count the Dracula of venom drenched from the aceldama of gritty Gurley lies of a city yet loved because too many oases are despised
But Westwood becomes Eastwood with ******* Grotto as the centripetal but monogamous prize
Hot Tub Time Machine soaring among the cognoscenti of burlesque organized ***** crimes of lullaby Manzarek disguise
So toast to the dead captain of the psychedelic fountain pen of revolution Lorraine Baines fields arise
Time is an adventure that blinks only secondary of truce rather than guarded sheepish mustache of panmixia in genocide widely guillotined without scruple for newsy folksy prejudice on gallywow pride
Yet the sentinels of dirigisme anoint the Caesar of Nostradamus infamy of a Deep Impact symphony
Heard by asteroids and asterisks lurking with Thriller to the end of time known only as enumerated infinity
But enough petty battles squandered on sinking U-Boats torpedoed like ransacked crambazzles from Tucker belligerent with a “War” burnt heated calentures of scorching torches of rigged Scarface cockroach
Because there is no elementary Zion that is chosen to emerge in the barnstorm of flukenhague fluke
Time to rest my laurels on the depredation of safety
Reminding with a glower that saving our city is not an Autopilot of Buccaneer Brady
For the Grand Master Architect is princely in Jerusalem but heralded in Mecca because for too many storks all they want is another baby.
And my answer is that my Terrier Bonds are shaken and stirred by many a yes, probably and maybe in that order of illusion shaken into cocktails of cobblestone gravy
The Soy Sauce livid on mistake exerts a dementia on attrition to enthuse Kansas City joy all too crazy
Swimming in an ocean of Carly Ray Jepsen "Calling Your Name" Queen of Highways' Titanic fortress of Armada music beating the Village People silly over their gabbles against Navy
Born and Raised in a Colorado Springs cage I am snake eyes without crafty disguise  in authenticity to a Patriot Point Break Heist  of the probable doubt of the Zany Billy Zane entrapment of prestige gone madcap with Raiders of never the ambitious but always the lazy
So meditate on my word crimes as I elude detection as Hawthorne Nevada alights with 200 earthquakes in two days in Gray design
Wow what a marvel it is to always know that  you are always Stayin' Alive as the splinter of time capitalizing on sensual crestfallen vibes of a pendulum tsunami "Us and Them" saw wavy
And to the 1776 practical joke that gouges Samson even when thousands of Philistines get crushed in delope
Consider this a declaration of war against your pathetic screwball maze of fog to make a sane man livid with a blushed bravery too fraternal to old craven owls of cruelty beyond the maze of convolution of Istanbul collectively shrouded by lies no stomached demise would appreciate for being gatekeepers of terminus exorbitantly hazy
Infamous one Apr 2015
That moment you block out the world.
You size up your opponent in the path to destiny.
Once you set foot on the mats
You think of your next move
Reactions to the actions
Take downs and escape feel the motion
Dominate grab an arm try for the armbar
Tap them before they beat you
Stop them don't give them the victory
Out smart them control the match
Grips tight aim to win this fight
Jujitsu sets you free once the GI is on
All starts once those feet touch the mat
Infamous one Dec 2013
Its another holiday doesnt feel like much
Got invited to go out but dont like to be around ppl who drink
Its awkward being the sober one in a social circle where eveyone is intoxicated
They feel bad for not drinking I dont like to feel obligated to others
I dont expect much of others but they demand the world of me
I like to be alone i gather my thoughts not sure how to process others twisted thoughts and point of views. Over those who claim to be one way but act another.
I try to have confidence in others but they let me down over being setback and disappointed. I have to be responsible for me not others. If I ever become a parent that kid will be my world
School for my degree work to pay my way through jujitsu so I cant prep my mind and body to be tough. I hope to one day find someone who loves me for me until tjen im focused on being bettter its in the works
tufa alvi May 2014
But me, I'm still trapped inside my head I kinda feel like it's a purgatory
So polite and white, but I got family who would ****** for me
Think I'm living paradise, what would I have to worry 'bout?
Dealing with these demons, feel the pressure, find the perfect style
Making sure my mom and dad are still somewhat in love
All these backfires of my experiments with drugs
And I experience the touch of my epiphany in color form
The difference between love and war inform me I'm above the norm
But, give me anybody though, I'll gladly chew his face off, them bath salts
Rhymin like it's summertime on asphalt, hot
Haven't picked a major label think I'm black balled
I still don't got the heart to pick my phone up when my dad calls
Will he recognize his son when he hears my voice?
I put this music against my life, I think I fear the choice
And I don't know what I'm running from, but I'm running still
I conversate with acquaintances, but it's nothing real
I'm from a city that you hear and think a bunch of steel
So a hundred mills wouldn't make me sign a ******* deal
Money kills, that's the truth, it's called the route of evil
But I want that Rolls Royce that the homie Lennon drove
So, if you ain't talkin' bout some money I'ma send you home
Unconventional, special but unprofessional,
Adolescent expression that's lettin' me meet these centerfolds
As troubles fill my mind capacity I let them go
If I was Johnny Depp in Blow, I would let it snow
That's just me all wylin' out and being extra though

And, if God was a human it'd be yours truly
Watching horror movies with some foreign groupies, thinking this decor suits me
I do drugs to get more loopy, I'm in tune to ancient jujitsu spirituals, it's blissful
Looking out as far as eyes can see
I'm glad that me and this elevation could finally meet
I think I'm JFK's final speech
They try assassinating all of my beliefs
But I'm asleep so whisper to me for the peace of mind
And he be high some **** to grind on top a Jesus shrine
Twenty thousand on my watch cause I needed time
If y'all would leave me the **** alone, that'd be divine
Can't decide if you like all the fame
Three years ago to now it's just not the same
I'm looking out the window ashing on my pane
****, I wonder if I lost my way
Matt Jan 2016
The body of
A Greek goddess

If you know what I mean

She is indeed
A scissor hold queen

She has mastered judo
Jujitsu too

Don't anger her
If you know
What's good for you

Trapped between
Those powerful thighs
Is where I long to be

Totally helpless
I obey her demand
Of "Pleasure Me!"
I do find physically powerful women to be ****.
Infamous one Oct 2017
Bjj
Once you put on your gi it's a whole new world. On the mats took away my worries you focus on technique and how to get better. first you warm up so you prevent injuries. Stretching is important since it helps with flexibility especially if you are limited. First you get instruction on how to execute moves form is important when learning jujitusu it's not about strength and muscle but finesse and reaction to every action.
If you get the technique down you don't need much torque when performing a submission or choke.
After the lesson you get time for free roll try to use the moves in your roll see if you could apply what you learned in your training make it feel natural. Sometimes you tap people and other times you get tapped. It's give and take doing jujitsu you learn and gain from the experience.
When you get a stripe you feel accomplished all your hard work paid off and you are constantly growing staying humble. That world carries over you become a better person and feel better about yourself.
Emotional sequestration perseverates
     across thine time warped
     weft wise wold,
sans interpersonal stagnation

     flourishes as oft twice told
tale amidst derelict hollowed
     moldering sacrificed stranglehold
did potential..., now bankrupt acquaintanceships/

     friendships get out sold
agonizingly excruciatingly
     jujitsu physically writhing
     front row seat occupied -

     whereat direct view of scaffold
penurious adolescent Anorexia Nervosa
     plagued decades prior fraught
     psychological, neurological and illogical

     repercussions steam rolled
      natural heterosexual propensity
     stifling, stinting, and stymying this old
morosely jinxed kerfuffle inciting,

     hermetically heat sealed,
     tightly bound stinging
     straitened yellow jacketed
     bee devilish mold

hogtied hold, pig in the poke,
     xenophobic-ally
     fastened, galvanic hold
wrenching vice grippe
     fiercely extolled sterile lackluster

     human existence devoid cold
hence, imperative ambition
     to act forthright and bold
before advanced age
    finds this wordsmith additionally auld.

This solitary reader quests doth newt plead
per outreach need
without supplicating, lionizing, boot mead
dee eight ting, enticing Nietzscheism lead
me by thine pug nose,

     nor doth this passive heretic - heed
ding perseverance
     without selfishness nor greed
aye only seek to be freed,
where ambivalence to enjoy life exceed

sharing soulful travails yes in deed
foster repartee with persons no matter creed
faith, intelligence, nationality breed
united by state worthy charisma agreed?
Infamous one Jan 2022
N51
Vision board

Transfer work days
Be a full-time get benefits
Save up get a motorcycle
Get back into jujitsu
Go back to school
Get college degree
Coach softball
Go on a date
Vitriolic scathing psychological malevolent jujitsu
cruelly, fiendishly, incriminating
lambasting opprobrium rue
teenly dished out to yours truly

mechanically engineered hatred to stew
when passive aggression fostered corked,
where self destruction grew
tens of decades ago, when this then
much younger match chew

Scott doubted, hesitated, lollygagged...,
where in solitary confinement he brew
toxic shocking rancor towards father
and mother peaceful conflict resolution
they did eschew

much preferring hurling epithet laced
expletives out their respective mouths flew
acrimonious, furious, noxious...
which poison verbal barbs knew
no letup, nor elicited any reaction their

once upon a time adorable boy,
where they did view
my welworn, passive,
and inert mooching
their unacceptable hashtagged

ill begotten progeny you
know who, if not (spoiler alert) i.e.
this generally conscientious contemplative
enlightened self anointed guru,
albeit modest rarely

doth he (me) ballyhoo
brutally damning, flagrantly hellacious,
judiciously loathsome in *****
tibble malicious venomous tirades shew
wing no merci, when I long

overstayed welcome, yet feared moo
ving way past the age when most
grown children can't wait to pursue
autonomy, emancipation, independence, et cetera.

faith no more actually never prevailed,
only inculcated self hate
buzzfeeding iniquitous, inferiority,
incompetence, et cetera innate

worthlessness, despite positive feedback
when cute boy, but emasculation did penetrate
availing self as token "scapegoat" suffering
suckerpunches mainly name calling to deflate
an already feeble self confidence early

in mein kampf, I experienced
existential nihilism, and negate
purposefulness to live reinforced
as extremely introverted lad,
whose mien did connate

defenselessness subsequently rain
of incriminating abuse within
central processing unit did infiltrate
giving latitude for destruction to resonate
with suicide fueling anorexia

nervosa to exterminate
one germane measly, puny,
quirky... objective to obliterate
self, though parental intervention
did unfortunately vitiate,

whereby fast forward flickr
of pride did generate
altered states of perception
allowing, enabling, and

providing spirit to resuscitate
analogous preceding childhood's end,
when joie de vivre did dominate
and thy singular life innocence

and naivete didst insulate
glorious ebullient boyhood
I try to recaptcha filial love
as papa doth alleviate
crushing oppressive pennilessness.
KV Srikanth Jan 2021
Fabricated  Flavian
Incipient Vespasian
Inaugurated Titus
Gift to People
Colosseum in Rome
100 day Carnival
****** Festival
5000 Gladiators
65000 Viewers
Battled for Prize
Stay Alive
Loosing is Death
Not allegorical
Brutal game
Of the sword
Survival  fittest
Weak and Meek
No place to seek
Vultures in Air
Hiding for  hide
Man vs Man
Man vs Animals
72 AD
Valor was Order
Blood like River
Charmed Spectator
Remained Rewarded
Unfit Segregated
Spartans Vikings Gladiators
Warriors tuned to Glory
Ruled Ruthlessly
Notoriety inherent
Nobility deterrent
Rome was Home
Battle of this Proportion
Colosseum Shook
Under the Ground
Shocked and Awed
Of its latest Participants
Year was 1972
Entered the 2
Into the Colosseum
Bodies Forged
Trained Decades
Skills Mastered
Fought Many
Opponent & Enemy
Laid wayside
Almighty hesitated
Of being eliminated
Bruce Lee
Greatest Martial Artist
Kicking Sway
Faster than a car
On a Motor Freeway
Hands like Lightning
Movement invisible
Blink and Miss
Dont blink still miss
Fighting without Fighting
Spiritual insight
Founder Jeet Kune Do
Fighter and Philosopher
None Deadlier
Ip man his teacher
Chuck Norris
Seven time World Champion
Black Belt 9th Dan
Taekwondo, Jujitsu ,Judo
Founder Chun Kuk Do
Roundhouse Kick
Neck Split
Kicking Punching
Throwing Grappling
Opponent Gasping
Way to Survive
None did
To give the Answer
Karate Triple Crown
Was his own
Had to give way
Away from fights remain
Others to stake claim
Battle of All Time
Warm ups began
Backs facing
Punching and Kicking
Head touching feet
Kicks in the air
None to compare
Stances taken
Face to Face
Fight to Death
Audience and Refree
A black Cat.
Nine minute battle
Epics looked like Comics
Vikings  would have crowned them Kings
Gladiators and Spartans
Pale in comparison
Greeks had Gods
Gods had these two
Combat made them One
Bruce won by Winning
Chuck won by Dying
Art won by Respecting
People won by watching
Imitation flattery
Millions inclined
Bullies declined
Posititivity filled the Space
World a better place
Till end of time
Oneness in Duality
Lesson in Spirituality
Collaborated one on one
Bruce and Chuck
Global phenomenon
Black cat ,Bad Omen
Go watch Way of the Dragon
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2022
sq.
i.e. squadron
not sq.
i.e. square.

i was never going to go quietly into the "gentle night": if i were i go into the night i would awake the gods and lay claim to the mountains and the seas! i would pass the night with earthquakes and storms the earth has never seen! all because a ****** akin to a fictional character was spawned that undermined: less of a self and more of of a hierarchy of Darwinism... the proper order of "things"..."

well, it was a perfect day, a Matthew met a Matthew at the
bus-stop... i don't know why people confide in me...
our first meeting he was slagging a friend off...
he was into Taekwondo or was it Jujitsu...
he's having a hearing on the 21st of October for assaulting
someone, for insulting his Missus...
oh **** me: the honour of women?!
if women can't defend their own honours and airs...
what's there for me to do: mindless retorts coupled
with more mindless violence?
if that's what it takes to keep a woman? **** that...
but we talked... so, what's prison like?
i know a little background... i work with an ex-prison guard...
i know that the nonces are isolated and kept like
dodos in the prison system...
so it's not like Shawkshank Redemption...
more like Porridge? yeah... more like Porridge...
i too love women, but let me tell you, Matthew,
one Matthew said to another:
my grandmother was a *****...
he was dying for about a month...
when did she call me? a day before he died...
he was already in a hospice suffering from AGONIA...
i swear to my heart's content that
the telephone is no ******* cul de sac...
i was looking at the girl sitting next to us...
once Matthew no. 1 got off Matthew no. 2 was taking note:
she started sniffing and almost slobbering...
about to cry... TOUGH!

the shift at Wembley was a breeze...
quirky little me:
i'll support the Lionesses but i will not support the Three Lions
on a shirt... i'll support the women's international football:
thank **** those ***** best those Yankee ***** 2:1...
if those ******* are under performing i don't know
what i will do! they better be the best in the world!
and? currently?! they are!
good! they should be!

but i can't support the male team... i have my favourite
male team already... Argentina or Germany...
why? it's sport.... there's no clarifying why...
i finished the shift at 11pm... i would have been
come at circa 1am but i had to detour...
eh... brothel traffic... i was readied up... resorted to some
proper *******... i like a good **** like
i need to breathe... i need "vs." there's a good **** in place...

obviously i had to wait...
i was waiting for this plumb bursting cherry of a number...
she just came back from Romania and i just itched to
slap her ***... but she wasn't available...
thief! thief! awake!
who was available? i don't know her name:
well, i do, but i have forgotten it...
i remember her face alright...
and her most benevolent healthy pair of ****...
i could forget the existence of pears
and apples with them in my hands...

i showered prior to ******* after giving her the money...
i think women greatly appreciate the hygiene of
a man... i need to wash myself... i simply... have to!
after the shift i just look at these fuckless men...
some a tier above me in the workforces' hierarchy
who wallow in LEGO constructions and here i am...
******* off to the brothel...
well... if you have specific hobbies you either end up
wanting women or not wanting them:
bibliophilic "nuances" make you want women more
and more...
last time i heard i've only performed about
two ****** positions... and neither party is bored...
her on top or me arching over her in a missionary clutch...
arching...

i need *** as much as food...
not as much as air....
but no ******* DWARF is going to usurp / hide my hungers
in a fictive tale of games... now my game...
i bought 500ml of dry 8.2% cider... drank it
walking around with the moon on a "leash"...
rubbing my **** in the night...
just checking... healthy... blood's pumping...
sipped about 20cl from a 70cl of a bottle of Brandy...
kept rubbing: still healthy...
i really want this chubby cherry cherub of a ****
that's been away for almost a month...

bad luck... i had to have this one i first met while
having a ******* who performed the most pristine
hand-job... second time? i still don't know her name...
i don't remember having ******* with her...
just oral ***... oh... now i remember...
she implored me to not kiss her...
like **** that's going to happen this time round...
obviously i had to steal a kiss from her lips!
and i did!
i stole a kiss, i stole her lips...
does it matter is she ****** off a "dwarf" prior to me?
nope!

the skin of men is like the leather of animals drafted
into curating chairs and, etc.,
the more use the said material encounters...
the better it is...
            a **** always tastes and is worked better if it was
been worked by the many rather than the few...
for the first time i felt that i had a proper Kama Sutra
phallus... i was matched to a ****!
i was too big for once!

i was only halfway in when she started contorting her face
with a pain-agony...
it was rather beautiful to watch...
because i love that taste of uncertainty
when it comes to how a woman is pleasured and how she
is displeasured and what the **** is up with *******:
i don't want to know...

that's when she started admiring my hair chest
and hairy stomach... rubbing through the hairs...
that's when i started my war against Tyrion Lannister...
then she moved to fiddling with my beard...
and she called me... oh **** me: fiction dies right here and now:
she called me a Leu... yep... a Lion...

why then asked for my name: Matthew...
she didn't believe me... i growled my second name: Conrad...
settled!
we smoked and drank some more of the brandy...
i managed to "steal" a scarf from the match...
what a quick to steal: kleptomaniac...
sure... you can have the scarf... just give me one more
cigarette!

nothing can compare to the tender-firmness of a decent
pair of *******...
but kept asking: kept asking: what are you looking at?!
what are you looking at?!          YOU!
can't i... why are you looking at my so intensely?!
why?! WHY?! because i want my mouth
to turn into an eye and i want my eye sockets to
become two mouths with which to eat you with!

i'm tired of abstracting! to truly love women
you need about 3 or 4 passions,
if it's drinking: it must be drinking with a measure for
the appetite for woman: greater than the appetite
for drinking... if it's an appetite for books...
the appetite must be less than the appetite for reading
a woman's face during *******...
she must ask you:
why are you looking at me so intensively?!

sure, i too could have my Jamie Lannister moment
with a first cousin, a Justine, revealed...
my aunt, not much than 5 years removed from me....
me and my great-grandmother...
she and her grandmother....
running barefoot in the rain...
sorry are the stories we tow...

now i'll smoke a marijuana joint and
sleep the deepest of depths of nothings the world
will ever "learn" to fathom.
Infamous one Jan 2018
He was a big dreamer he knew he can be and do much more. He was tired of taking a back seat to people. He was good and confident too many knocked him. Made his confidence out to be cocky. He told the truth and for years doing what he loved. He felt like coming out of his shell that he loved hiding in but he didn't want to be there anymore. He had put his life on hold waiting for that moment but that's not how it works. He knew he would have to go out take risks make that moment happen. It circled and bounced around in the back of his mind. He read books from inspiration, he stepped up failed but he always told himself be the best even if he came up short. For years he did what he loved despite set back. He loved jujitsu nurturing and injury fear of getting hurt. He worked at his job at the bottom of the pole but he had experience no one seen or cared for because no one liked change stayed the same.
He loved to perform stand up but he didn't have an audience that understood him. He feared change as well always asking "what if" when he thought it "should be" he loved to write it gave him a vocie gave him say he felt in control he always went along but before he was a rebel someone who took risks and felt he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. He got older others told him never settle or get comfortable. It never made sense to him but took those words to thought. He wanted to break the cycle get out of the same routine. He was broke before and never wanted to be that way again. He didn't care for his job but did like the pay. He was thankful to be working always compromised things are never in his favor. He did so much on the down low because it was his way of preparing and prepping himself. He's been working on it for years even though he's not doing anything with it. He had supporters and doubters that made him want it more tired of everyone's way he just wanted to do things his way for once.
Infamous one May 2021
K12
Going through the motions before the real thing most hate practice but practice is where you develop and grow your skills. Trying to find a new jujitsu gym not into the politics. Just want to train and grow in the sport.
He didn't care for politics, they were never in his favor. Over all the labels others tried placing on him. He was more than the baby sitter since these parents didn't take him serious. He didn't have a job but helped out got involved as he rose they kept him out. He would find his own way back on his own path. He was tried of explaining to people who didn't listen.
Being around people that didn't value him. He was burnt out from it all and lost it all thinking how to get back on track and do it right.
Infamous one Sep 2018
Feeling trapped in my head so many make me think k onto over thinking.
I like my job but over being bounced around. I'd like to focus on what I love which is writing and jujitsu so many time conflicts and restrains that make me think and wonder.
I write all the time some tell me I'm good, while others criticize ripping me a new one. Some people like to get in your head ruin your inner peace because they are not happy with themselves. I'm one to help and encourage others, I use to want and help others; I'd rather be alone found comfort in my own company.
Took time out to figure it out, things don't feel right others try to contaminate your good vibes
Sometimes I want to write and post other times; I just save them, why write if you can't share.
I don't know sometimes, things pile up in my head. Writing is the only way to get it out, also podcasting, I love express myself that's why people get mad at me because I tell the truth lieing takes up too much, time and energy. I prefer to be straight up. Been a while trying to get back at it
Infamous one Dec 2018
On the mat holding a knee
The twist and pop followed by pain
Lay there worried about jujitsu career
The hard part getting up from the ground
Bending the knee mild pain tenderness
Sitting up leg extended to prevent more damage
Helped up by team mates on the bench
More mad about missing training
Set back by injury time to heal
Learning to relax always restless
Trained intense learned to practice with safe
Slow down focus on technique form is everything
Finesse over brute strength in the sport
Pause to reset while breathing take control
Become centered channel anger not burn out
All the drills from class pay off
Free roll takes the stress away
Tap or be tapped never give up the back
Defend your neck from the choke
Cup and clamp for grips use the GI
Defend the gaurd over pulling
GI or no GI two unique styles
Infamous one Oct 2023
T93
He couldn't sleep jujitsu was on his mind. Thinking how to change it up since he was lighter. No longer a powerhouse, thinking about technique since he wasn't a heavyweight anymore from a cozy 230 now weighing in at 155. Getting older as well his 40th birthday was coming soon.
He just wants to be back on the mats. The thought what he'd have to buy a new GI. Some rash guards he missed every moment of it being away. While at work he'd hustle to pay gym fees.
Infamous one Aug 2022
Q7
Years of experience and knowledge leading to this moment. Every insult creating strength. Every mistake pointed out worked harder towards perfection. Trying to do it right the first time with maximum effort. They told him he didn't belong it made him better not settling for less.
His experience over the years he was ready but never given a chance. When he took it everyone that doubted him rooted for him. His dream was to compete on those mats jujitsu on the back of his mind get his blue belt train harder no surrender working to cross things off his Todo list.
Infamous one Oct 2023
T88
You dk my story or what it took for me to get where I'm at. The sacrifices made for a job. Subbing for 7 years lots of time conflicts giving up jujitsu.
Saving up for school to finish something that was started. Being called a college drop out ridiculed by family. Trying to have saved money for a car that might mess up or go on the frits.
Held back on dating saying once I'm a full time permanent I'd ask this girl out but this cockblocking job. The girl I wanted to ask out is now married. We talked about things I was able to open up and share never made my move. I had an opportunity but never took the risk.
Now working to keep up with health insurance because finding out you have cirrhosis is no joke. You have to diet and change your lifestyle the fear of dieing. Trying to be strong through this wait the transition. Life on hold waiting for the procedure hoping to be normal enjoy a meal without fear.
Not use to special treatment or expecting to be babied. Grew up with tough love No one did anything for you. If you want it you get out there get it your **** self. Not use to waiting on, or relying on others patients is tough.
Some days I want to cry and scream
Other days I feel numb and empty inside
Learning life's not fair not always about you
Being criticized by family and friend making you want to shut them up prove them wrong
Infamous one Feb 23
V41
Times have changed especially when you hang out with your younger cousin and his friends think you're his dad. Lately I've been around good people and who are doing things. I like to see people succeed.
That's motivating inspiring that guy is in my crew and moving up.  I can't wait to be cleared to drive and train. Holding pads for my cousin and get back on those jujitsu mats. Get back on the grind.
I was going to say how it is for me becoming an adult but I realize everyone has a different story and does things differently for a reason. My generation is different from today. I respect it but don't always agree. I make efforts to understand. What was taboo growing up is socially accepted. Trying to be open minded and learned to say no or if its not my thing it shouldn't matter what I think. Lots of change is good not always better but it's okay to explore and gain new experiences.
Infamous one Oct 2021
L92
Love hate for work
Talking about school
Everything gets wild
Thinking about school time
Too much crazy going on
Wanting to help not need
Getting busy with goals
Everyone comes back appears
Needs something didn't bother before
Always tired trying to work it in
Time conflicts jujitsu becomes a thought
Infamous one Oct 2023
T90
He *** depressed not waiting to do anything. He didn't play with his bass. He wrote with his true feelings. He was always up beat and positive, but all the toxic around him infected him.
He was always thankful and grateful others had way more blessings. He didn't want to quit or give up on life.
He thought about jujitsu but was fighting with his health issues. He wanted to get back on the mats. He did too much and got burnt out or he did extra feeling it wasn't enough.
Some days he wanted to scream punch the wall be free. He felt okay but something was telling him it's over. He fought his way out resisting the the mind tricks. Trying to stay above water like he's drowning being pulled under. Trying to survive while others lived and some died on borrowed time.

— The End —