A kind of blue lay
thick over her,
swallowing mouthfuls of suffocation
and drowning in nourishment. It's times like these
when the person you are today
doubts if they can reinvent themselves in time
for tomorrow. Blue is everywhere
like your perspective is bruised
and it feels like hell.

The familiar grip of apathy
makes everything foreign
and you're wilting under water like
some kind of mutant...

Observing people talk with an unrestrained
fluidness is enchanting and why doesn't
your erratic behaviour include something useful
in its repertoire? You swallow things that burn
but spit it out again because
all the nerves in your system left you
for a love affair less volatile.

This kind of blue is fickle. Its melancholy
in a heartbeat. It makes you lie awake
in bed until the sheets have lost the warmth
of your empty touch, examine heartbreak like
its a specimen of a scientific experiment. It makes
you hyper aware of nostalgia at 3am. It takes your
breath away and clouds your eyes with an absent minded
look. It's a surge of sorrow and a burst of hope
unceasingly whispering in your ear...

Someone's talking but you're not listening. The world's
troubles are rippling through you, and
this kind of blue makes you silent.
This kind of blue is you.

Have I made an impression? No,
a real, lasting, stuck in your mind, remember me in 50 years type impression?
Or just a summer breeze that you long to touch your face but can't remember the circumstances that put you there?
I want to be an imprint.
A stamp inside your head, a fully encompassed, laced part of your mental DnA(thanks, Mo)

A silly song that is always on repeat never on random
That is where I want my picture to be inside your cerebral cortex.
Permanent, stained, taunting, undisturbed

I am selfish for this request
I lay awake in the day wishing this were not my wish
But the pain is obvious, the need even greater and the desire unbearable.

Cannot justify ...moreso cannot deny
I ask to be lifted with such intensity that I ask to never come down again
All just by this conversation with you, whomever it is that you may be.

I sink, deeper and deeper into the realm of untruth to the point that it may have become a reality.
I am transparent, so is this, the fluidness of inspiration is so hard to resist

I urge honesty without the brutality
And nakedness without the sexuality
Desire without the vulgarity
Love without the unnecessary

I welcome you
To me
Undone and unscorned
open
sweet
gentle
enlightened!

I was thinking
A thought

That turned into flashes
of grandeur, greatly mundane, yet profound storytelling
of the conscious mind's eye

Yet, I fall into the trap of tracing and chasing
the dream ...

I fall into the trance of
tracing back, a transient feel
yet, feeling so out of place

Placed - here, and here I hear it
A thought, that became a stream of opening
That fluidness of it's true nature
of becoming a story - that never happened

- Yet, feels like reality -

I wake up
And think about my memories of my day to day experience
I see them like I see my dreams
I can NOT distinguish between one or the other (in past tense)

Yet, there is something so real
Yet, fake about a memory
Because a dream is rememebered the same way as a memory

That is the fine line, I constnalty walk upon

I have found paradise in the midst of this pandemic.

In the midst of this chaos and atrocity.
I found a sliver of peace amidst the catastrophy
from the taunting void that stares back at me.
I sit watching, looking out, from the inside to the great grey beyond.
Out into the world I used to know.

And I say.

I found paradise in the midst of a pandemic.

At the precipice of all that I am and all that I will be.
Satisfied at the greatest awe, the fluidness of reality
Willing myself to take the leap
Into the yawning hole of life
I am unshackled.
I am untainted.
I am at peace.
And though around there is fire
And though I feel its flames trailing my leg
It's sweet warm caress.
I do not feel the pain.
The heat inviting.
I am unshackled.
I am untainted.
I am at peace.

I found paradise in the midst of a pandemic.



I found me.