scribbling through pain of
wrist and tensed forearms
brought bettered by repetition
thru peddled death of calves
and ruined bowels of pre-
cancered prostate. constant
film of excreted toxins and
another cigarette only suffo-
cates these already humid-
battered lungs. another trip
out of doors only brings
realization of the heat inside,
buried deep beneath time-
pressured skin. some heart
forcing beats even though
cells have hardened via emo-
tionally evolved polysaccha-
rides. perhaps times' gain of
addiction finds lack of release
of toxins, perhaps the devel-
opment of a superior being
detached. lies, and realized,
wholly-owned and flawed
chitin formed of prior life,
formed of shared chemicals
of plasma-like water shed.
and called abrupt ending,
and lack of self-perspective
found lead-in to ending the
reign of self. ending some
reign of I the Destroyer.

Tonight, I lean against the windowpane,
Crack it open to the sound of January rain
That falls soft in the shadows of trees, and sings.
I inhale, dream of you and the smell of spring;
(I am the roots that grow from the detritus of dead and dying things.)

I want to cut myself on the jagged edge of your mind,
Knees raw and weeping red as I traverse the other side,
I want to scream through the walls of your philosophy,
Until my voice rips ragged, until every sound is profanity.
I want to drag you back from this obscenity.

I want to eat your heavy, burdened heart and offer one fresh,
Torn ripe and ****** straight from the beast’s chest
Into my cupped palms, pounding fuchsia and new: Take it.
Take back the strength it stole from you.

I want to crawl through the collapsed tunnels of your cancered mind,
Down deep chasms where your weary soul withdrew,
Past where you lost your way and dug your grave
To find the opening where sunlight once filtered through;
Then I would squat there, **** love
Until it stuck to your ribs and grew—
Until you glowed with the health of it, until
You rose from dirt or ashes or wherever the ****— and flew.
So claw out from that cave, and let the rain cleanse you.

For this morning it was winter, and you were dead;
But tonight is spring..

Let’s begin again.

An unnatural mass, eaten delicately
In a dim lit den,
Made me dazed
lightly breathing
Gripping the cancered drive thru receipt.
In my softest

Seeing
your balancing voice
by blue Gulf seas.

Great scientist
who taught me
that love is a fossil
And that darkness
is the absence of soft blue rings

turned statue
With the weakest of arms
Wrapped in wood-

And in the afternoon
descending
I wished my eyes
would clear
And that my stomach would hurt
so you could discreetly slip me
Pepto Bismol from your purse.

Into the abyss of my soul I am gazed
A delusional experiment of the Gods
Zippered in this maze that has no exits
Slowly poisoned as I’m fed cremated love
High I swim among the fish and the stars
But I am not one of them…
And at the end of the dream, I am forced to return
Unto this agony
This cancered cell called Earth
In the abyss of my soul I am crazed

Huddled grazing at the feet of drunken Gods,
imbibed by crimson blasphemes and the lust of lies.
Smeared unto the grasses- a darkened hue.
onward weighs the pleasantry that binds.

The tight flog of a screamless whip.
Chaotic lore into peasant skin it rends.
A stench rising from cadavers - a carrion feast.
As a Ravens coups spur the ilk of ill portents.

Ominous lures of the slivered silver moon-
echo flashes upon sable black feathers.
Speaking in glints against rising wings agape,
the unraveled conscience of a God unfettered.

To the slaughter willfully go the droves
of cancered thought and blinded eye.
From whose spoil will feed the starv'ed flock
whose flagellation still yield no cries.

A Gods stature at which fullest they stand
is only dwarfed by the encroaching universe, avast-
whose very stars are the moon bound Ravens sprawl
pocking the scape against which the ****** dispatched.

Cyclical onslaught of the sacrifices come-
Inescapable fate beats the drum.

And so eclipse the ravens - o’er the moon!
their ****** return to the banquet strewn.

THAT CONSTANT PULL
DRAWS ME IN
AGAIN
AGAIN
AGAIN
I'M DRIFTIN'
ADRIFT
LOST SIGHT
OF SHORE

THAT SILENT DARK NIGHT
THAT SUN'S A MEMORY
A FADED FILM
ON DULL WALLS

EVER IN TOW AND PULL
ETERNALL DARKNESS FALLS

THE SUN A PHOTOGRAPH
BURN IT FROM END TO END

WAYLAID IN THE DEATH HOUSE
NO BEACON TO THIS END
I'M WAYLAID IN THE DEATH HOUSE
WITH NO LIGHT TO SEND
MY EYES ARE BLINDING ME
EARS STONE MIND NUMB
NO SENSE IN THIS NONSENSE
CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO END

THERE'S SURRENDER IN ABANDON
NUMBED TOUCH AND TASTELESS THINGS
CHEAP IMAGES SURROUND US
SALIVATE THE TASTE THAT LINGERS
IMPULSE COMPULSIVE TRENDS
THERE'S SURRENDER IN THE DEATH HOUSE
LIGHT WILL BRING ITS END


BLACK NIGHTS
CANCERED MEMORIES
DISSOCIATED NETWORKS
LOST TIME
BLINKING LIGHTS
LOST CONNECTIONS
LOST SIGHT
NO CONNECTION
BLINKING LIGHTS
LOST TIME
NO CONNECTION
NO LIGHT
NO SIGHT
NO CONNECTION

I wish, I wish, again it seems,
I fight my battle, through everything.
Upon a star, upon a dream.
Hear my darling, the Angels sing.

Intoxicated, never clean.
Terminal feast.
Rose bud lien.
Cancered beast.

The war goes on,
But I don't care.
My life is dawned,
Everyone stares.

May light plum,
'Oh a lovely pair!'
August comes,
Life isn't fair.

Okay, okay...
I knew all along.
Reversed will say,
My anthem, my song.

Dear Augustus,
Have I done you wrong?
Have you justice?
Promised, I won't be long.

Farewell my dear,
You left me alone.
Oblivion you fear,
Ten, to the bones.

Like the ocean, you will always remember
The crisp layer of salt-
baked into your skin by the sun’s assault.
A part of your DNA now, you do not exist without it.

Sure, it’s both vast and secretive,
But your questions can never be answered
So many unknowns- your wondering cancered.
They too will rise or sink with the rolling of the waves.

Perhaps there is no storm that turns the tide
And your lips lose their briny bite
Maybe you learn to harness the power the seas invite
But the quiet of your mind sets with the sun.

And your skeptical sirens sing at night.

In a Bucket

What have I brought ..?
Havoc
Love...
carried in a bucket
Cancered by holes
And spilled along my path
Squeaky handle
Rusted parts
My shoulders shirking my burden
And the responsibility

With stars in my eyes I had asked:
Where should we go to dinner?
Do you like my dress?
What color are my eyes...
right this very second?
Would you get a load of me and this ******* twinkle!

It was so bright he could not stand the view.

Along the path:
A scenic overlook
Down below it ...
way down nestled prettily amongst tall Oak
And pale Sycamore
A brown river I had once daintily dipped my toes in,
in front of him..
And had cannonballed in naked
While hollering like a banshee
Behind him

It is unfortunate he did not witness the show...
so grand
it had uprooted the rookery

So grand ..
Even today the bird stands
Talk smoke and grey
On watch
And hoping to catch it again

Such were the stars in my eyes...
such were the stars in my eyes.

Blue and wetted vision occurred
Morning after morning
As I woke to his posture looming
Over my sleepy face
And his remark:
You look so beautiful,
So peaceful

But the look on his face.....

Another hole in the bucket.
My load lighter,
My boots muddied

It has been, such a long time since him.