Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
I used to think the world was fair and that life works itself out
But now I’m confused and my heart’s filled with doubt,
The threads of this dream are starting to unwind
I’ve come to learn the world is unjust and fate is unkind.

I always thought you were real but my perception was blind
Your blurring my vision and playing with my mind,
Slowly like the sands of time you’re ripping away at my soul
You’ve taken all I have, all that makes me whole,
Driving myself crazy trying to fill that empty void
But I can’t pull it together, my confidence you’ve destroyed.

You’ve taken my happiness and replaced it with hate
So much hatred and anger I just can’t take,
You’ve poisoned me enough, I’ll break down and cry
But never will I give up, no I will not die.

You will not take me down, you will not conquer me tonight
I will not lay down in my grave I’ll stand up and fight,
I maybe bleeding but take off that smile if you think you’ve won
A knife through my heart is nothing, the battle’s just begun.

There is warrior inside that you failed to see
A strength you missed while you were judging me,
She will not give up as easy as you think
I’m drowning in depression but she will not sink,
Through all the pain and criticism she will stand tall
When pushed passed the limit she will not fall,
I will take whatever you give to me
And with god by my side I will be free.

I won’t bow down to you and just take the abuse
You can’t break my faith, don’t try there’s no use,
So you can turn that smile into a frown
Because this is one girl that just won’t go down
Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
Dead Rose One Mar 2018
nobody gets the cancer twice.  
(a blues guitar riff)

blood in the stool
ain’t nobody’s fool,
whent to high school
did not graduate,
but know it wasn’t no thing I ate

scale greets me friendly like,
long lost buddy from yesterday morn,
‘let get right down to it,
let’s see how much less of you borne
leftover alive from the prior day’

spirit spit blood from my gums,
got me a woman, she’s way over town,
woman said I’m brushing with
too hard a brush, alright, alright,
make no fuss, she’s good to me

nobody’s fool whent to school,
though I did not graduate,
a mean riff is better than a
slow moving woman blues cry,
got the strings to do my screaming

doctor is a fan, name is Jimmy,
played music like last time round,
Jimmy-jamming, dancing in the waiting room,
“that cancer got kick, it’s gonna get ya,
think I told ya that about hunner times before”

‘nobody gets the cancer twice,’
an old wives tale for unlucky po’ somofabitches,
do you some tests, tell ya the specifics,
right now, lay, lay down them new tracks,
no quitting time less the good lord comes a-calling’

blues guitar makes a man
cry shiver scream and shake,
progressions licks and tricks,
so you can’t tell what’s making
a grownup man cry and laugh louder

bring me my medicine
bring me my guitar
all I know is how it makes me feel,
oh baby once a night it’s true,
nobody gets the cancer twice
My soul is a deep dark bottomless well
A place where all my thoughts dwell
Walk across the bridge of gloom
Find the place where bad things bloom.

Thoughts of revenge & torture, thoughts of pain
Thoughts that would make the normal insane
Tiptoe the tight rope across the well
But if you fall in the bottom you’ll find hell.

Take the plunge, now it’s your turn,
feel the terror fell it burn
Like boiling water pouring down your back
A heart of gold is something I lack.

My soul is like fire, violent and warm
Like Nathalie Imbruglia I feel torn,
ripped apart at the seams
Head filled with bad dreams
And thoughts and wonders all forsaken
No one to love for my heart has been taken.

But since you’re here stay a while,
you won’t have fun, but I can make you smile,
and laugh at all you are afraid to face
This is my soul, an unnerving place.
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

Not many believed, they lose faith fast
Not even I dreamt how long I’d last
They said it had ended when the stone was cast
But I showed you all I could, because I never gave up on me.

Oh how the pain burned
Slow like seasons turned
And to give up I yearned
But I showed you strength, because I never gave up on me.

With silent tears I struggled on
My only hope she now was gone
From above her light shone
I showed her I was grateful, because I never gave up on me.

Lying in bed
Listening to sounds I dread
Screams of a child and loved ones who cry
There are too many miles to go why can’t I just die.
My skin is sore
From the needles I bore
The drugs I take
They make me ache
I’m tired of fighting let’s end this bid,
oh why can’t I just be a normal kid?
I’d show myself and I’d show you all
That I made it through with my back against the wall
Because I never gave up on me.

In size and in strength may you never judge me
I won that battle because I had faith in me
There is so much more that you can’t see
And I showed you all, because I never gave up on me.

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free,
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
And even though she died along with other people I cared about like my friend Sister Jacklyn, death never crossed my mind. After her death I still never lost hope, and I promised never to give up. And even after I relapsed and had to start all over again, I promised myself to keep on fighting until I was just like everyone else again, until I could wake up in my own bed and run free without that stupid IV. No matter how painful a struggle no matter how long, I would have fought to eternity to be healthy again.
jane taylor Apr 2016
in the midst of an emerald slumbering forest
laced with pungent scents of jaded wood
a burgundy blushed tail
of a chestnut hued fox
scurries as copper sunbeams part the day

a hospital lumes starkly nearby
its aura exudes hints of melancholy
commingled with faint impressions
of halcyon futures
not yet lived

at neighboring dartmouth
a student sprinting to class
drops his crimson colored backpack
the prospect of cancer
far from his budding consciousness

my beloved sits patiently
pondering pensively
his last chemo treatment
elusion of death
not far from his mind

i feign to fend off future catastrophes
watching letters scramble across my screen
earnestly writing
in a desperate attempt
to be with him forevermore

an aquamarine hummingbird drenched in tranquility
senses the inverse
its amber tipped wings stand seemingly stationary
while it steals a quick glance through the window
curious at chemical infusions meant to heal

my beloved walks out
of the austere building
with rose colored glasses i feel
that we’ll whirl on the tips of gilded stardust
dancing with another chance to fly


©2016janetaylor
When reality finally hits you it hurts
When the truth comes into focus it’s brutally painful.
Hope isn't always enough
It’s not always a happy ending.
What happens when faith is not enough?

I get hot flashes
My depression splashes
My soul is cold like stone,
the fear of being alone.

So now I lay me down to sleep
I pray you lord my soul to keep
Don’t let me die before I wake
I pray you lord my soul do not take.

I barely have a past
And may have no future
       Empty pages of a book
       A story left unwritten
       A life left unlived
       A hope left in the dust.
Please don't take me yet
Your mercy you won't regret
I am down on my knees
Begging you please
Don’t take me away.

At night I dream a misty graveyard
A tombstone the name I cannot see
A flashlight in the darkness
A figure so lifeless I cannot breathe.
Then I awake not as fearless as I may seem.

If this is my future
And if it comes to pass
And this breath be my last
Then this thought to you I cast.

What if faith is not enough?
Then life would be rather tough
With nothing to believe in
And nothing to justify
Nothing to keep you sane
Nothing to grasp when you fall
You will have nothing,
nothing at all.

Sometimes that is how I am
Falling in the darkness
With nothing to take hold
This feeling leaves me cold
hearted, soulless, empty.
All I feel is the pain of being unreal
No one knows how this life feels,
when you are so lifeless.

So now I lay me down to cry
I pray you lord you can't let me die.
Now I lay me down to sleep
Close my eyes without a peep
Never to be opened again.

Your body goes warm then cold like rain
Slowly your body numbs,
to your fingers and your thumbs.
As your body stops working, you feel the cold mist of death
And peacefully while you’re sleeping you take your final breath.
Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com

© 2016 Christine Mulvihill
What is love can you tell me please
What’s it got to do with hope and peace,
How could a four letter word keep someone sane
How could a word so small cause so much pain.

This word when spoken in a manner true
Can change the relationship between me and you,
Barks may have bite but love means more
Funny how one word can make our emotions roar.

One word spoken for good or bad
Can change our mood from happy to sad,
When you say I love you it means so much more
Then anything you’ve ever said before.

When you say I love you say it for a reason
Don’t just say it to please em’,
I love you aren’t words to throw around
So when you say it, make it count.
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
It was my birthday today but no one noticed, they were admiring Cara’s new outfit and shoes, but I didn’t complain cuz it’s not about me, it’s about everyone else.

I got an A on my paper but no one noticed because Lisa got an A+, but I didn’t complain, it’s not about me, it’s about everyone else.

I felt good about myself today but no one noticed because Stephany bought the same shirt and she looks better in it, but I didn’t complain. It’s not about me it’s about everyone else.

My boyfriend dumped me today but no one noticed because Jenny’s cat died last week, but I didn’t complain. It’s not about me it’s about everyone else.

I started smoking today but no one noticed because everyone already smokes, but I didn’t complain. It’s not about me it’s about everyone else.

I became anorexic today but no one noticed because they think I’m fat anyway, but I didn’t complain. It’s not about me it’s about everyone else.

I killed myself today but no one noticed because no one ever does so why should today be any different? But I didn’t complain, It’s not about me it’s about everyone else, because before this happened, on the inside I was already dead.
Read more at http://******-in-oncology.com
Kurt Carman Apr 2016
In many ways we are all simply children,
Age has no barrier does it?
They say it's an individual's state of mind.
Wrinkles are merely character
Grey hair? I'm waiting for the next color to come in. Hoping for Pink...

I think I can refuse to submit to OLD.
I reach back to a 1970 Chicago Tanglewood concert on YouTube.
Was it REALLY 45 years ago?
Does anyone really know what time it is?

Ok, I know I'm biding my time.
I lost my friend last year,
And just before he passed, just before his last breath...
I convinced him that life doesn't end here!

Journey on my brother , journey to the next dimension.
Hug our loved ones..give my upmost love to my Mom & Dad
I KNOW you are there in a distant galaxy because
I can hear you whisper..."he was right".

I love you Buddy!
I think of you most everyday..when I see a flower,  a twinkling star or the red tail hawk climb to new heights on turbulent dust devils. Love you!
Morgan Mercury Oct 2013
I found you in the cracks of winter between puffing breaths of cold air like a dragon, on that cold Wednesday afternoon. I swore your eyes were the ocean, and I could see all the way to Europe. You held your books like a shield guarding your chest and you introduced yourself like a king.

We talked of Bukowski and Frost in between sips of lukewarm water. I fell in love with every pause you took and every time you blinked my heart beat increased. I was surprised you couldn't feel it from across the table.

You showed me the scars on your legs and arms you've gotten over the years. One from jumping off a roof into a pool. One randomly showing up when you woke up that morning. And one from that time you had a tumor removed from your chest. You told me don't feel sorry for you and don't feed you sympathy because you have been full for years.

We spent the next couple of months telling secrets. You told me I was the first person you have ever felt comfortable with in a long time. You kissed me so silently and slowly it was like breathing underwater. Forgive me if I sound selfish but I could not stay under the water any longer and I couldn't hold my breath for another second. I gave all my wishes and stars to you that night. I wrote poetry on your skin that we created when our hands touched.

We explored the mountains and ate picnics every Saturday afternoon. We ran from the rain as we saw the clouds roll in, we sat in the car and played truth or dare for an hour straight. I promised you I will love you until we're old and I'll have to feed you with a spoon until this action isn't anymore romantic but necessary instead.

It was a Tuesday at 2:35 in the morning when you were experiencing pain. I drove you to the hospital.

Our love was like a mother teaching a daughter how to slow dance for the first time; clumsy.
You didn't know how to hold me properly anymore because you were to busy holding medical bills in your hands. When I see these papers my mind loses focus and all those words form one big blur, and they become wet with warm teardrops smudging the news across the white crinkled paper. I turned off the tv that night and we actually looked at each other staring like we were both blank canvases and had painters block for the first time ever. That night you packed a suitcase and went away in a taxi. The hospital wasn't too far away but I couldn't bare to see you walk into that place again.

It was cold and it was Sunday. The doctors tried everything they could but it was already too big and eating you away. Old friends were always bitter when they weren't welcomed back but stormed in like a hurricane destroying everything the future has to hold. Your eyes were colorless and your hands were too fragile to hold anything. My heart was beating out of my chest and my palms were shaking. It felt like I was holding an earthquake.

You were only 21.

You had a warm heart and a beautiful brain. You were drained like rain-soaked up from the earth. I wished I could have taken you places and brought you flowers. But it was always too cold to go somewhere and all the flowers have disappeared away until next spring. For on now I'll just have to bring you back to life through words and hope not to cry. Another love is too far away to see and my vision is blurry but I don't want it to be clear. For I fear that I will once again become too selfish because I can't wait forever for you because death is miles away, and I'm not ready to see that side of my life. But when tomorrow starts without you I guess I'll just go home because, sweetheart, all the dust has disappeared.

Let us praise the time when we flew to Vegas one night because we were board. Praise the moment when we were so full of glee that time we won $20, and how we ignored that fact we lost $600. Praise the day our car broke down on the side of a mountain and so we finally got a chance to talk to each other and confess our problems. Praise that moment we meet on that frosty December. I hope your ghost waltzes at sunset with my shadow. I know it's only been a few years since we meet but for me, it was a lifetime of happiness.  Let it be known you are engraved into my brain and I'll always remember the time I saw you clutching books to your chest and puffing dragon breath.
just rambling
Outside Words Oct 2018
...All I remember was
Cancer and my hospital room,
My green gown, my bed,
My white hair and mustache
Until suddenly...

...Reality started to stretch…

…And flatten into a brief euphoric white…

…I felt a cathartic release
As I was encapsulated and bathed
In a glorious sensation…

...I floated for an eternity…

…Until I felt my euphoria lifting…


…As my eyes reopened
I found myself gazing
Upon a room of tiny lights,
Blue and pink specs
Dotting the inner workings
Of large wall sized machines…

…They lifted me upright
In a gray metal chair
And with sharp robotic groans,
A long arm from the wall
Held up a mirror to my face...

...In the reflection was a young man
I thought I would never see again…

…I had a wife back before,
But now I have a new one
Everybody in my situation,
("Reborns", as they are called)
Has brand new things and people
Filling their lives and concerns
They bring nothing with them
When they make their returns...

…Every morning I wake up
On the west 402nd floor
Of a residential tower
Next to my slim, youthful wife
And the trails of flying cars
That populate our view
From our wall-spanning window
As they soar through the city…

…I was told of technology,
Created and discovered
That could reawaken people
Who, like me, had died
In an earlier era and time…

…It’s strange that my past,
In all its importance and meaning,
Memories, friendships and scenery,
Seems to no longer be of concern,
Now that I have all this…

…I love what was, very dearly,
But the life I live now is for me.
I have new children, knowledge,
Friends and technology…

…I’m quite sure it’s possible
That old family members
That passed before me
Could exist in the same place
That I now live and find myself…

…But I can’t be certain,
Maybe they live further,
Deeper, in an unknown future
That I can’t even comprehend…?

…All I know is that, like me,
They have a new life somewhere
So I’ll do what I tried to do
My first time around…

…I’ll continue to grow and live on
In this new, world-spanning cityscape
Fueled by the love and memory
Of a past life remembered
only by me...
© Outside Words
In your loving arms
You hold me ever so tightly
Such a warm embrace
Time seems to last forever
These tender moments I treasure
Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
I used to think life would be perfect, never a frown on my face
I’d have a perfect figure and always travel with grace,
I could pick my man from a catalogue that’s grown fit for a queen
I never thought that the people I loved could ever be so mean.

Life kind of just hit me not waiting ‘til I was ready
Knocked me from my stance in which I was so steady
It changed me as a person, a person that’s not me
It has changed me into everything I don’t want to be.
Sometimes I just can’t grasp it with the help of all my friends
It’s like trying to wrap your arms around a tree that never ends.

When I look in the mirror I despise what I see
The person starring back doesn’t resemble me,
She’s quite a different person with her heart so out of place
She becomes invisible when the tears run down her face.
She built a wall of shame around her soul and let’s no one in
She can fool you with her smile even though she cries within.
She keeps her feeling locked up in her heart
So when she’s all alone is when she falls apart.

I act as if I have it together and everything is in place
But when you’re not looking the tears begin to race
While people surround me I pretend not to care
My heart bleeds in pain when they are not there.

When my stomach gurgles with rage, you think its indigestion
But what is broken is more the appropriate question.
What is broken cannot be fixed so don’t worry my friend
I’ll take this curse from the beginning to the very end.
Help me if you can listen, help me if you will
But I can’t cure this curse because there is no pill.
I was just a young child when I was first diagnosed with leukemia. A young girl who’s fate would have brought her to the grave. But look at me now. I am standing here in front of you and although I may be far different from all of you on the outside, I am still a person on the inside. My physical scars in time will heal, but my emotional scars will remain forever.

Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
My soul is a dark and gloomy place
It lacks all sense of beauty & grace
A room with an entrance but no escape
It takes on a small and lifeless shape.

Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
Red is the color of passion and rage
Red is the color that keeps me turning every page.

Orange, though it seems calm, is the color of fire
It’s the color that holds all my desires.

Yellow makes me crazy and wild
But is also the color that makes me soft and mild.

Green is the color as strange as it may seem,
holds the key to my fantasies and wildest dreams.

Blue is the color of my oceans of tears
Blue is the sky with all my fears.

Indigo, although pretty, makes me miserable because it’s always
  Stuck in the middle of being happy and sad
  Stuck in the middle of being mad or glad.

Violet is last not least the color that could make me “tres triste”,
Happy or hunger for food
It is the color that decides my mood.

But what happens when all these colors bind
They make my heart
       My soul
       My mysterious mind.
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
Nathan Wells Jul 2015
You would have turned 40 a couple weeks back
the hoodie you bought me is collecting dust
"if you don't like it, donate it to oxfam, or cancer research in my case"
i've not thrown it away yet but if i do
i know where i'll donate it
and I desperately hope I'm wrong in my views
about the afterlife because I'd love to know you're
somewhere laughing about the joke finally getting it's punchline

Death is a strange subject for me,
all I know is I'd like a few people back
x
In your eyes there is so much more
It goes beyond the deepest blue
Such beauty I’ve not seen before
In your eyes I see hope and the love I have for you.

Far beyond the white like freshly fallen snow
I see you heart pure as a dove
To explain the wondrous beauty the words I don’t know
All I can give is my own true love.

Flecks of green and yellow spark imagination and fire
A beauty rarely seen
No artist’s pallet could conspire
A picture so perfect and clean.

But far beyond the color, I see what makes you whole
If I look deep inside your eyes my dear, I see your soul.
Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
Day Jun 2018
Good morning sky!
It's my birthday.
Bought blue hair dye
to stop feeling grey.
happy 19 angst
Matthew Chen Sep 2016
I still remember everything
Those times where we would eat out with my mother
Giving me money when we meet
Those were the fun times

Few years later
I heard you had cancer
The rarest of them all
And the kind that can't be cured

It sunk my heart like the Titanic
I was just lost for a second
And I was in deep thought
That would you still live with me and my mother

I prayed to God everyday
To keep you here on this planet
I prayed so hard
That I want you to stay

It's been 9 years that you fought it
Been praying to God day in and day out
To keep you alive
9 years

I got a phone call from a relative
I asked if she's out of her hospital bed cured
He said that she's gone
And my heart exploded like the World Trade Center at 9/11

Few months later
I saw you in a casket
Brought a couple of my friends to know who you were
And they already know

I knew that it would be the last time seeing you
Which was the hardest part
I got comfort from my friends
Especially God

Seeing you being buried was the part where I tried to hide my tears
But I didn't cause it's your time to be with the Lord
I was the one who cried the most
And it was hard leaving you

Then I realized that life goes on
No matter how much I wanted you to stay
I'll see you again in Heaven
Rest in peace, Virginia
I dedicate this poem to my grandmother on my mom's side... She fought cancer for like, what, 9 years? I still can't believe she's gone, but then I realize that life goes on, no matter how much I want her to stay alive.
My name is Sarah, I am but 4
Trapped staring at the ceiling and at the floor
I don't even understand what I’m fighting for.

I never did wrong I always did what was right
Now it hurts so bad I can’t sleep at night.
Why is my mommy crying what is going through her head
I’d give her a hug if I was allowed to leave my bed.

My stomach is starving but cannot eat
I want to get up but I’m much too weak
I lay down my head and drift off to sleep
I pray to the lord for my soul to keep.
Then I stop breathing and through the dark I see a light,
My name is Sarah and cancer murdered me tonight.

HTTP://www.******-in-oncology.com
Your mother called me last night
ask me where have you been
I bet that there's no more hair on her scalp
cause of the chemotherapy

you might spend your night with her
but your mother remember not
that bad cells destroying her memory
guess for her I am still your girl

we talked about some in the past
I play along with that grey bun
bet your new girl still jealous of me
it is my name on your mother's lips not hers

she fell asleep after awhile
suddenly it began to rain in my eyes
it was our mother now it became yours only
but still, it will always be me that she'd call.
jane taylor May 2016
the needle on record
catches a scratch
the music’s awry

happily writing a story
the inkwell
runs dry

interruption of
fairytale endings
where nobody dies

awaiting a biopsy
out on a limb
nowhere to hide

©2016janetaylor
a doctor thought i had cancer ~ turned out to be a misdiagnosis
She smiles brave for her father
Cuz she can't find her mother,
Her bleeding goes unnoticed
and she's trying to stay focused,
On what she knows
And how it goes
but the wind still blows
and the feeling grows,
And she can’t keep it in rhythm
when she see's others girls with him.

No one sees her heart is broken
Her tears go unspoken,
There’s no one there, no one to phone,
She’s all alone,
She’s hurting
and her feelings keep on stirring,
She cannot eat
She cannot sleep,
She’s faceless
She stumbles cuz she graceless,
She’s tired of holding on
cuz her time has come and gone.

She feels her life is over
She needs someone to show her,
She’s not invisible no more.

She's starting to get nervous
what did she do to deserve this
She needs to rise to the surface
She needs to know her purpose,
She needs to know she's not invisible no more
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
Next page